Hello everyone I'm very happy to be here, this is my first post, and I hope I'm accepted. Wishing us all a great
week ahead. I'll like to share some of my understanding of toxic relationships and including why people choose to stay in them or put up with them.
Toxic, in my opinion, might refer to anything poisonous, dangerous, lethal, unhealthful, or something that can be stated to be polluted.
A toxic environment can be dangerous, poisonous, lethal, unhealthful, and contaminated. Now, seeing so many individuals endure, suffer, pass away, and enslave themselves in a toxic relationship has exceeded my imagination.
Note: A relationship should be fun, wonderful, agreeable, and lovely, to be specific. Not the opposite, when some spouses experience constant agitation, fear, and insecurity. Let's move on
IN WHAT WAY ARE RELATIONSHIPS TOXIC
I'll just say it's toxic if it's an unhealthy relationship, one that lacks communication and is characterized by demeaning one's self-esteem, insecurity, and fear. Most people in these relationships are aware of the risks, but they choose to remain because they are concerned about what other people will think or say. However, some may not be aware of these risks because of childhood experiences in which the mother was abused by the father, and vice versa. As a result, they assume that when they start or are in a relationship like that, it is typical.
Before continuing, I like to clarify the distinction between a toxic and an abusive relationship.
Your mental and psychological health is at risk in a toxic relationship because, among other things, they make you feel constantly devalued, overly demanding, constantly feeling guilty or made to feel guilty for their actions, lied to whenever possible, then subject to the manipulation of your thoughts and actions, and you are physically exhausted due to the heavy burden you have been carrying for such a long time, your belief that you can change your partner make it worst too.
Conversely, in an abusive relationship, your fundamental human rights are violated, you are used as a punching bag at any available opportunity, and You allowed those abusers to harm you physically by not limiting how far they could go. They may mistreat you at church, a gathering, a party, or even on a trip. All they say in the end is "I'm sorry," "I swear to never do it again," "You know how much I love you," and other such lovely drivel. And this leaves the victim emotionally exhausted and even with some bruises.
I'd want to relate a personal experience of mine of being in a toxic relationship and how I was able to leave before doing further damage to my future, that of my children, and myself. I detest the double dating lifestyle, so if you are the one I'm dating, I will commit to a relationship with you alone. I, therefore, choose my dates very carefully.
I once began a relationship with high hopes and expectations that it would be successful and eventually lead to marriage, but little did I know that I was largely fooling myself. Although the former partner was affectionate, he was a womanizer and also a Lier, he even ask my friends out which I'll later find out. Even though I knew he was lying, he'll persuade me to believe what he says.
On occasion, I'll confront him after seeing passionate pictures of him with other women. He'll become furious and accuse me of stalking him and saying that I had checked his phone and other things because I was curious about him. The one to apologize for it will still be me in the end just for peace's sake.
He often rejects calls when I'm around, and on occasion, he'll even leave the apartment to answer them so that I won't overhear their conversation. We end up having problems that could last for days when I comment on it a little bit.
There are days, I lock myself in the room and sob uncontrollably while hoping against hope that he will change and change quickly and finally see the harm he was doing to me and our relationship. Do you even know what your dear boyfriend is doing at that specific moment and with whom he might be with now? These were some of the questions I received from other guys who wanted to date me. Even though I knew they could be right, all I can do is pay less attention to what they were saying. However, I constantly tell myself that the devil I know is superior to the unknown angel and that they were all the same.
To cut a long tale short, I was still subjected to the unfairness of this tainted relationship. I was there, pondering whether it was the right time to end the relationship. I considered the years I had put into making it work as well as what other people would think and say after so many years.
Funny enough, we were now getting ready for our wedding, but I sensed something was off. I wondered if I would be able to deal with all of these psychological, emotional, and mental health for the rest of my life, knowing full well that he might be in the same city as me and claim to be traveling only to check into a hotel with another woman, leaving me and the kids alone at home.
Although he had a good job and his finances are in order, I won't say that I'll be foolish enough to let worldly possessions get in the way of my future. I won't say that after hoping to get married, I'll get married and then enter a relationship that will drain me.
Once a close friend of mine visited me in his apartment and said, "Wow, sweetheart, this place is fine, and all those female stuff," I grinned and informed her that all that glitter isn't gold and that since I'm the one wearing my shoes, I know where it ached. She was incredibly shocked by the word I uttered. But all I can do is laugh.
I resisted subjecting myself to that. I knelt and prayed to God, asking him to guide me in making the right choices. He genuinely answered my prayer, and we broke up. My heart was broken, and I wasn't doing well for a while. But I was delighted to have left such a poisonous relationship.
I sincerely appreciate every person who took the time to read my post. But if you come back in a few days when I publish Part 2 of this piece, I'll be much happier. There, I'll discuss the reason I believe some individuals continue to put up with toxic relationships.
Being in a toxic relationship is just like you still eating even when you fill full because you already said you don't want to waste food and at the end you have difficulty going to the toilet or you might just feel so restless.
No matter how little a person acts that you don't find it okay, it's good you don't take it lightly, be more vigilant but don't be hostile in handling things. Sometimes we just have to learn how to walk away, it's not easy but we have to learn how to. Time they say heal all wounds and I believe that because I've experienced it before.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Janna, I hope I can come back to read the other part 😊. #dreemport brought me here ❤️
Awwww, it's so nice to have you here again, experience they say it's the best teacher, I had my share of it but I'm happy I didn't limit myself.
Thanks for being here via Dreamport.
You're absolutely right, experience is indeed the best teacher but sometimes we just have to be wise and learn from the experience of others because we might not be lucky to walk out alive from it.
You're always welcome beautiful Dreemer 😊
Absolutely true, that's why person suppose to shine their eye before entering any kind of relationship.
You're very correct. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us dear, that's something noble you did and I'm really proud of you ❤️
@hopestylist
Wow!
Thank you so much for spotting me out, I'm really so grateful ❤️.
#dreemport for life 💙
The earlier one backs out from a toxic relationship, the better for him or her. When one enters a relationship, he wants to be loved 💞 and not the other way round. If things are not going on smoothly, he or she can try out ways to make the relationship work but if the situation is becoming toxic than before, break off to have your peace of mind 💆. There are lots of people out there, ready to be your partner 👨❤️💋👨, with open arms to welcome you 🤗.
I came from #dreemport
That is why I find it hard to believe people still stay in a relationship where their mindset is been exploited.
Thanks for stopping by again from #Dreamport.
Uwc sis 🥰
Welcome, @jannaforyou 🤗
It is a pleasure to meet you and that you are now part of our community.
The issue you raise is an unfortunate reality in some people, good thing you realized before, thought about the consequences and acted accordingly.
And yes, we would like to read the second part of your topic. Just keep in mind as a suggestion the emotion or feeling you want to highlight in your post.
For example: disappointed/toxic relationships.
Or if you find it difficult to highlight the emotion or feeling, just put: emotion & feelings/ followed by your title.
See you next time, best regards.
Thanks so much for your correction, and be sure I'll all you said.
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You were very brave to break off that toxic relationship. Indeed, a relationship has to make you happy, not suffer.
I wish you a bright and happy future. May you keep your strength and take care of yourself above everything and everyone else. Best regards. 🤗
!LUV
@jannaforyou, @palomap3(1/10) sent you LUV.
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I'm glad I did, today am so happy with complete peace of mind. Thanks for stopping by.
Many would use because of materialistic things and still stay at that relationship but you on the other hand did well to leave the relationship before it gets worse for you and your mental health.
This is a perfect example for those who are victims of this circumstances and there's no way you can change someone's attitude for them except they made that decision by themselves.
I'm glad I read this too! And also glad you stood up for your future.
My decision was based on my future, I couldn't handle the situation anymore. I left because I knew that it may still be better for me, so why die there.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and stopping by. Merry Christmas In Addy.
That's so thoughtful of you...I wish you blessings in every era of Christmas🎊