When we talk about resentment towards other people, it pains our hearts, but when it’s resentment towards oneself. It’s a different feeling entirely. It’s like something keeps gnawing at your insides, you’re filled with so much self-hate, you can’t even fathom it. There were so many wild, eventful things that happened in my secondary school, so I’ll be sharing one of them today.🌺
It was in my last year of junior class. In most schools, that particular class symbolizes the beginning of awareness. Like we all go to sleep one day and wake up suddenly aware of the opposite sex. Maybe it’s cause most of us turn thirteen so it’s like an eye-opener or something. It was in this class that I got involved in something against my lack of better judgement.🤦🏽♀️
I’d always been the kind of friend you’d want to gist with, tell me about your crushes and love interests. So when my friend came to me crying that the guy she liked wasn’t noticing her like she would have wanted, I felt bad for her. She kept crying that she’d done things like helping with his notes, smiling at him, all those things that adolescents considered as an obvious green light, but the guy seemed not to get any of them.😐
On an awful strike of inspiration, my friend turned to me and said I could talk to him on her behalf. I didn’t hesitate to refuse such a ridiculous request. But she begged me, saying that I was good with words and if anyone could make him ‘see’ her, it was me.😊
Thinking about it later on, I should have just said that if they were meant to work out, they would, with or without my help. It would have hurt her feelings at the time but hey..... It’s way better than the things that happened afterwards.
I talked to the guy and told him in very plain words that my friend was a nice person. I sang her praises so intensely, it would have made King David in the Bible very proud. By the way, this was the very first time I had a conversation with this guy and I just wanted to leave cause I didn’t talk to guys that much at the time.
I’m guessing you guys know where I’m going with this. It was to my utter horror when a guy, supposedly his friend brought a letter to me saying it was from James, which was the guy my friend liked. I assured him that he was mistaken, and whatever letter that was had to be for my friend. He insisted that it was meant for me, and as I read it, alongside my friend, I nearly fainted in shock.😭
This guy poured out his feelings for me, stating that I was actually the one he liked and he had been thinking of approaching me for a while. There was a bunch of other stuff that I couldn’t even read because my friend was livid. She accused me of being a sneaky, conniving, snake. Honestly, the names she called me would make a pirate quiver in his boots. All my efforts to assure her that I never said or did anything to warrant the guy’s misplaced affection fell on deaf ears.💔
I lost my friend that day. And as the days went by, my disbelief turned to guilt and then to resentment. I started second-guessing myself. The more I thought about it, the more my mind painted images that made me feel like I had actually flirted with the guy. I felt so bad and disgusted with myself. I didn’t even like the guy so why would I come onto him? I felt like I didn’t deserve friends and when bad things happened to me, I took it as God’s punishment for trying to take my friend’s guy. My thirteen-year-old mind suffered a lot.
It was a long while before I could forgive myself. I talked to a senior student and explained everything and she made me understand that I did nothing wrong, except agree to talk on her behalf. She told me I should never do that cause things like that had a way of turning back to bite us in the arse. Through her encouragement, I finally forgave myself. I let go of my self-hate and resentment and when I could, sat my friend down and explained everything to her. Girls tend to hold grudges but I’m glad she eventually forgave me.
I learnt really valuable lessons from that experience and I’m happy it all turned out well in the end.✨
Before I say anything, I want to first commend you.
You are such a great writer! I love the way you effortlessly articulate your words. This was so easy to read because every idea and paragraph flowed easily onto the next. And your use of idioms and comparisons is just admirable.
Now it's unfortunate that you had to go through that. Girls at that age are so insecure and catty, I don't blame you or your friend actually. It's just one of those things that we experience and learn lessons from.
At least you won't make the mistake later in life.
Something similar happened to me not to long ago and it was not pleasant at all. I have learned my lesson and never again will I intervene in another person's relationship or even give them advice. My experience taught me that love turns people in fools, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
I'm not going to get into it but just be safe out there.
Have a nice election weekend!
These are such beautiful words. You've definitely made my day with this thoughtful comment. I have no doubt that you're as wonderful a person as your kind words are.
And that is definitely true. It's a really risky thing, getting involved in other people's relationships, and I'm happy you found it relatable since you've also been in a similar situation.
It's really nice meeting you @zitalove, I hope we become wonderful friends. And I wish you a happy election weekend too. Be safe.🌺✨
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This is quite easy to understand, you proved innocent although you had a crush without your knowledge and offered to be kind my helping to talk to your friends crush. I'm just smiling because life could be very manipulative. So there is no need of been annoyed. Am glad she forgave.
Yeah life could be very manipulative. It was something I didn't expect at all and I'd thought I was just doing the right thing by helping a friend and it all blew up in my face. Thanks for stopping by dear.🌺✨
Ouch....it just looks like Nollywood.
Well, I understand from your own point of stance but then I don't think it's not what you could have helped.
Well, we get better with every experience anyway
😂😂😂it surely sounds like Nollywood. It's not something I could have helped but I guess I should have avoided it all together. Thanks for stopping by.✨🌺
Exactly.,. Avoiding it entirely was the only solution anyway 😂
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Hi, sweetie @jhymi
Wow, what an amazing story. Resentment towards oneself is something to think about. It's like punishing ourselves for something we supposedly did, even though it's not always true. I'm glad you are currently feeling better and that you made amends with your friend. King David would be proud 😁
Just a suggestion: on Hive, some recommend that it's best to post once a day. That way you could avoid getting spammed. Posting several times a day doesn't mean more rewards, on the contrary, it could hurt the quality of your posts. You could post every day, that's fine, but once a day. This is just a suggestion. You decide on your blog. Best regards 😉
This is definitely true. And it makes perfect sense. I had thought that the contrary would be best. Thanks for bringing this to my notice. I'll do well to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Also thanks for stopping by.✨
Wow, the guy unknowingly caused you to lose your friend but it wasn't intentional, and since you had not the intention of what your friend thought then you don't owe her an apology.
She was childish and I understand why, you should have understood that you can't force people to love you. The guy wanted you but you wanted her.
So what happened to the guy's proposal after? Did you by any chance become friends even if you didn't date
This is a great reason for misunderstanding between you and your friend, from her own perspective she must have thought u said something to him that made him choose you over her.
But I would have appreciated it, if she was a little bit more understanding because the fault was not yours, she forced you to talk to him in the first place but females can be fragile sometimes especially if it has to do with guys they like.
I guess you learnt your actions.
Pop in from dreamport
Ouch!!!!
Have had this kind of experience,and I understand how you felt.
The story is inspiring.
I guess a lot of people have. It's not really a nice feeling. Thanks for stopping by.✨