Over the years, I've done a great job at minding my business and most of those times it felt like I wasn't human, or that I had no emotions or blood running through my veins.
I was pretty much an annoying person when it comes to being nonchalant about a situation, argument, misunderstanding or malice so to say.
I didn't just act on it, I had my coping mechanism if I must put it that way.
I was good at not letting things bother me or what people did bother me, and that way, I would say I lived a much better life not a perfect one per se.
With this I was able to filter not just negative emotions but toxic ones too, I mean who doesn't have a toxic trait?
Life was less dramatic for me, and people didn't have much access to me, more like I shut the door behind them because I hate unnecessary dramas in my life, I am not an attention seeker so I rather lay low than cause issues for myself.
Date back to when I would say, I started feeling more like human and less weird for choosing to be the way I was.
I started feeling all sorts of emotions all together and I started experiencing life in different dimensions.
I knew what pain felt like, I experienced them, from family, friends, colleagues,.loved ones etc.
In some cases I was able to manage the emotions, I was able to deal with the negative ones in the best way I could especially coming from friends.
But little did I know that those emotions were piling up until I was trapped in them.
Love, hatred, bitterness, joy, betrayal, fear, anxiety, confusion, frustration, tiredness, brokenness, depression etc.
I experienced them all in a space of two (2) years.
I smiled, I struggled, I fought, I survived.
I looked fine, I was focused and didn't let these emotions distract me especially academically but I was also boiling or bittered every time my mind drifted to things that caused these negative emotions.
Entitled Emotions
At some point I felt I was entitled not just to the way I was feeling but also how I was dealing with these emotions.
It became a challenge for me. I couldn't easily filter the negative ones anymore, it felt like it almost consumed me, I was drowning, yet I was living. More like it was now part of me and I couldn't do anything about it.
It may or may not have been a conscious effort or process but I do know that at some point I felt entitled to the love I was receiving and giving.
I felt entitled to the negativities I was experiencing and slowly developing.
I wasn't comfortable with it so I had to do something about it.
They say when action isn't applied to ideas and plans then those ideas and plans are as good as nothing.
So I took a step of faith, tackling these negative entitled emotions needed more than just the thoughts, it needed some actions to filter and drive them away.
I started with what was causing them, and so far so good, I feel so much better, I would stop at nothing until I regain myself once more.
PS: Photo is mine except stated otherwise
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐚𝐤𝐲! 𝐀 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐳𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
𝐀 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐬.
𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 "𝐀𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞".
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄
𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.
𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞?
31 July, 2024 ~ Wednesday
Saludos @zellypearl flexione mucho sobre este estracto de ti escrito: "Ya no podía filtrar fácilmente las emociones negativas, sentía que casi me consumían..."
Considero que sin importar la emoción, todas son parte de nuestro ser, somos seres emocionales y sociales al cien por ciento, razón por la cual desestimar lo negativo, nos deja sin herramientas para obtener aprendizaje, que bueno que has aprendido a gestionar y vivir.
Abrazos!
I guess you are right about this.
I am so glad to be able to work on and managed them,
warm regards!