Hi Hivers
This is a true story one from the heart one so personal I don't know to share it or not but I feel if I share my story it might help me deal with the emotions that plague me after this experience.
I grew up in beautiful Cornwall uk 🇬🇧 from an early age I knew my family was different I was bought up by my wonderful Grandparents from a week old.They was my biological mums parents my mum was 16 years old when she had me in 1986 and back then attitudes was different towards young teenage single mothers and she gave me to her parents to look after. My Mum ended up getting involved with the wrong crowd moving out and living the so called "STREET LIFE" Drugs alcohol and basically no responsibilities.
Me and My Mum when I was baby only picture I have with her holding me 1986!
18 months later my brother Adrian was born the same situation although worse as my mum was now well and truly down the road of drugs and my brother was also handed to her mum and dad.
As we were growing up myself and Adrian we was always told the truth that Our mum and Dad were actually our grandparents but it was our family and I looked at my grandparents as My Mum and Dad I called y nan Mum and my grandad Papa we was very loved and was bought up the old school way of show respect to your elders we wanted for absolutely nothing although my child hood was the best I could ask for I always felt this over whelming anger like something was missing.
I had massive problems with anger when I turned 12 to 13 years old I even had anger management in school.
Anyway when I was 13 we found out the day before Christmas eve Papa had been diagnosed with cancer by may the 3rd he had passed away my dad the man that brought me up I had lost it was so traumatic I felt like I lost the other half of me . My real mum at this point was no where to be seen. I truly don't know how to put into words the devastation I felt.
My Grandparents Mum and Papa
Me my brother Adrian and Papa!
A week after my grandad funeral I came home from school to find a social worker my Nan in tears and my bags at the feet of the social worker. I knew my Nan had been struggling with losing her husband of 35 years but I had also lost the only dad I have ever known she couldn't cope with my anger and my behaviour problems the thing that hurt most is she decided to keep my brother which I'm now very grateful of but at the time made me feel very unwanted unloved like I had lost not just my grandad but my whole family and it had a devastating lasting effect that damaged me for many years my self worth was at an all time low. I went into the care system was passed from pillar to post made me feel even more worthless I'm not going to give my life history but I'll give a brief overview as it will give more insight into my story but I will do it as a sort of timeline.
2001
My grandad dies on the 3rd May 2001 at St Michael hospice
A week later I was put into care
I was passed from pillar to post
2003
Got on drugs Class A herion crack
Homelessness
2004
3 year prison sentence at the age of 18 years old
2007
Release from prison
Homelessness
Streetlife
2008
Got housing Volunteered as youth worker
NVQ LEVEL 2 YOUTH AND COMMUNITY WORK
NVQ LEVEL 3 YOUTH AND COMMUNITY WORK
2009
Secured funding set up my own Youth work project working with homeless teenagers
2010
WON YOUNG VOLUNTEER OF YEAR 2010 AND OVERALL WINNER OF VOLUNTEER OF YEAR 2010
Volunteer of year 2010 award
Young Volunteer award
Me and all the other people who won their category
THE STORY
Over the years we learned that my mum had 9 children all of which ended up in the care system we have all now got in contact with each other through the magic of Facebook myself and my brother Adrian we have both gone on to have children my brother has twins myself I have 3 boys one of which I'm a single dad too we was talking about our past and decided WE NEED TO FIND OUR REAL MUM We all have questions that need answers we thought it would be easy to find her on Facebook also we wanted her to be apart of our lives that Time had come in ones life where you need answers to the things that haunt you the most and I was in a stable part of my life I had dealt with alot of demons and this I saw to be the last!
We started our campaign of Facebook posts and searchesweeks went past with no avail but one day I decided to type her name into Google and bang a newspaper article from 2010 she was arrested for conspiracy to supply we both talked do we really want this woman back in our lives but the curiosity got the better and we noticed in the newspaper article they was a address well a road name where she lived in London. We decided to go on to the local groups surrounding that area and put posts up!
People were amazing and shared the post left comments they were amazing then one day randomly out of the blue I received a message saying do you have her date of birth me and my brother scrambled to find her date of birth I sent it but before she had a chance to reply I went on to her profile and saw that she worked for a funeral director my heart instantly sank. Then within minutes she called me on Facebook messenger she said what I had been dreading "I'm very sorry but your mum passed in 2015 on the 11th May 8 days after her 45th birthday.
Now came all the emotions what how where when my head was going around in circles I'm currently trying to find a cause of death and where her remains are.
The lady from the funeral director was very helpful but she couldn't release the person details of who dealt with her funeral due to data protection but she is currently in the process of trying to contact the person for permission so we 9 children can have some answers! I was devastated I wanted to know my mum ask her the question I needed to ask we all wanted that. I was told my mum was cremated and this person has her remains. We as a family feel cheated we wasn't informed even her own mother my grandmother had to hear it from me 6 years after her daughter had passed away.
I'm now in the process of trying to find my mums remains and cause of death but this has been difficult even impossible due to not knowing the identity of this person. The funeral director said she was very well looked after and I'm happy she had someone there for her in last days on this planet.
This journey has been hard filled with hope and then sorrow all I know is I loved my mum even though she wasn't part of my life growing up and I now know why I was angry all those years ago and what I always felt was missing and I think it was my mum just the WANTING AND LONGING to know her. Don't get me wrong my Nan will always be my mum she bought me up loved me and clothed me but I always longed to know my real mum.
#parenting #parenthood #lifestyle #blog
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