Let's be real. Abuse is not rational. "Why does a woman stay with an abusive husband?" is a question often asked by friends and family of victims of domestic violence. If a victim decides to stay in an abusive relationship, it's probably because she thinks that there are no other options open to her or she is afraid of her abusive husband. In some cases, the victim may also feel responsible for her partner's behaviour. This article explores why women stay in these toxic relationships rather than leave to escape domestic violence and seek support from people who care about them.
Women don't leave abusive relationships because they are worried about losing custody of their children, that they will go to jail or that the police won't believe them. The new research has been released as part of the Victorian government's campaign to stop family violence. Women are terrified when it comes to leaving their partners. The research shows that women have many concerns consequences of making such a decision. Public figures should raise awareness and initiate conversations regarding this topic. The data analysis can help develop effective ways to prevent domestic violence and identify ways and places where women can seek assistance.
One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, equating to more than 10 million women and men each year.
Some women stay because they're afraid. "Women might be afraid of escalating the violence or the abuser's retaliation if they leave," said Naaija Kian, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in working with victims of trauma and abuse. They may also fear for their children's safety, she said.
Others stay because they don't believe they can support themselves or their children financially. "The women might be depending on [their abusers] for financial support or have no other means of supporting themselves and/or their children," Kian said.
Still, others may not know how to get help. "They don't know where to go, whom to ask for help, or what resources are available," Kian said. Only 34 per cent of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries, according to a 2011 study by the American Journal of Public Health.
And some stay because they don't have family or friends nearby who can help them escape their situation.
There are many reasons women stay in abusive relationships. Some are terrified of what their partner will do if they leave. Others worry about not having enough money to support themselves and their children. Many fear that the abuser will find and hurt them.
In some cases, the abuse can be so terrifying, so inconsistent with the rest of their lives, that the woman doesn’t realize it is abuse. She can’t see a way out or doesn’t believe anyone will help her.
It’s also important to remember that no matter how badly a woman wants to leave an abusive relationship, it’s not always possible. She may have children who depend on her and she may have no practical way to care for them without the support of her partner. She may be disabled or in poor health and unable to work outside the home, making it even more difficult for her to leave an abuser. Her immigration status may make her afraid she won’t be allowed to remain in this country if she leaves an abusive marriage or partnership. In many religions, divorce is forbidden or strongly discouraged — and this is often used by abusers as a weapon against their partners: “I’ll tell everyone that you committed adultery!
Many people have a hard time understanding why a woman stays with an abusive man. Some assume that the woman must be stupid, weak, or even masochistic. The truth is, it’s not so simple. A woman who stays in an abusive relationship does so for many reasons.
Intimidation and fear of retaliation are important factors that keep abused women from leaving their abusers. Threats of harm to the victim, her children, and even her pets are commonly made by batterers as a way to maintain control over their partners and to prevent them from leaving.
Some women stay because they feel they do not have any resources outside the relationship. They may have no job skills, no money, and limited education which makes it difficult to find work. Others have no access to transportation or housing options outside the home and do not know where they would go if they left.
Some women stay because they believe the abuse is their fault — they think they can make their partner happy if only they try harder or do things differently. Many women also believe that the man will change if she helps him through his problems (e.g., alcoholism, unemployment).
Many battered women stay because of cultural or religious expectations that men should be in charge of households.
We all know the story of a woman who was beaten by her husband and then stayed with him. Maybe you thought, "Why did she stay with him?" or maybe "Why didn't she just leave?"
Whether it's a friend, family member or a stranger on the street, we often judge survivors of domestic violence for staying in their marriages. This judgment is problematic because it blames the victim instead of holding the abuser accountable. It also keeps women from seeking help and could prevent them from leaving if they decide they want to.
But understanding why women stay can help people better support victims of abuse and make it easier for them to leave when they are ready.
Here are six reasons why survivors of domestic violence will remain in their relationships:
A man's fists have become a woman's beating heart. The bruises are not what's killing the woman. Rather, it is the emotional abuse that has worn her down to her senses.
A woman stays in an abusive relationship because of the following:
Financial dependency:- Abusive relationships are often characterized by partners who depend on one another financially. The abuser may be the sole provider for the family, or he may control all financial resources, making it difficult for his partner to leave. In either case, women may stay in abusive relationships because they believe that they cannot support themselves and their children financially without their abuser.
Fears about child custody:- Women often fear that if they leave their abusers, they will lose custody of their children or face other legal complications that could interfere with their ability to raise them. When child custody disputes arise, women who flee from their abusers may be forced to return to them to maintain access to their children. In addition, some courts have awarded custody of children to abusers based on claims that the mother is unfit due to her involvement in a violent relationship. Women may stay with abusive partners as a result of these concerns.
This is not a call to blame women for the abuse they’ve suffered, but an attempt to explain why, even when a woman is in a position to leave, she may not do so.
I’ve been there. I know from experience that leaving can be much easier said than done. It can take time to recognise that you’re in an abusive relationship, and even longer find the strength to leave. Here are some of the reasons why women stay with men who abuse them:
Denial:- It’s not just the abused who deny that the abuse is happening; their friends, family and colleagues seem blind to it as well. The woman may also want to believe her partner when he says it won’t happen again or promises to change. It can take many incidents before she realises that these things aren’t true.
Love:- People in abusive relationships love their partners, or at least they did once upon a time. They may have children together, families and friends in common – many ties bind them together and make them reluctant to cut their losses and walk away. They hope their partner will change, because they know he isn't always like this - just sometimes.
They believe their abuser loves them:- Despite being in an abusive relationship, many victims still feel love for their partner, and may even believe that their partner still loves them. This can stop victims from leaving because they think things will get better – or because they feel guilty about leaving someone who says they love them.
Their friends and family don't know what is happening:- It can be extremely difficult for victims to tell their friends and family about the abuse they are suffering, especially if the abuse is mainly psychological rather than physical.
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I know a person whereby she doesn't have anywhere to go,she almost lost one of her eyes due to domestic violence.
She is my neighbor,a friend to my parents so my dad took her in for three months until she was able to raise a rent fee. Some ain't leaving because there is no help for them anywhere.
Imagine a marriage of 14years getting scattered because of sex,she got tired of having sex everyday and as the husband being an alcoholic is always wanting it all night everyday and once she refuse to all night she get beaten till day break.
All we need is God intervention into marriage.Why should two people that are in love end up swearing for each other
Truly we need God's intervention
Domestic violence is definitely not something to take lightly. Your detailed article is really expository and let's us see what could be going on in the mind of these helpless women.
Some women have no idea they are being abused and some can't face the world outside what they know.
Thank you for posting in the HiveNaija community.
Thanks for this comment sis
It means a lot to me
Thanks, guys I really appreciate it