Hi there @drstrings ( does the name imply you are a violinist? Guitarist? ha ha ha)
I've met other musicians during the 56 yrs since I started taking lessons, who
A. could not play without the music in front of them (couldn't memorize)
B. couldn't sing along with themselves playing
These things always baffled me, because it comes so natural to me.
@purplesinger was saying I must be a perfectionist, which I deny, but later it reminded me that WAY back in the beginning of my lessons, (Insultingly simple stuff to me now) I would go home and practice the lessons (both reading the music and playing the songs) but when I got back to the next lesson with my teacher, my 11 yr old hands would fumble and I would get SO MAD that I would strike the keyboard out of frustration. Even cry real tears.
To this day I can't stand watching Jerry Lee Lewis because of the way he pounds on the piano with his feet, butt etc.