Every year, in the days leading up to my birthday, my mind wanders through all the memories I’ve collected. I think about how fortunate I’ve been, the many lessons I’ve learned, the people I miss terribly, the countless changes I’ve been through. This will be my first birthday and Father’s Day without my Dad and I’m thinking about him...a lot.
I've experienced a pretty wide swath of this human existence in my forty-nine years and fifty-one weeks. I've made many mistakes but like to think I've learned something from them. I've been hurt, and I've also hurt others. I've felt what it's like to love deeply and be loved.
Next Friday I join the half-century club and, boy, does this birthday feel different. I actually feel healthier than I’ve ever been but have noticed a few things are changing. I look more forward to bedtime, I get dehydrated a little quicker on long bike rides during hot weather, and, as the sagging skin around my neck tells me, gravity is starting to win the battle. I'm more cognizant of time and try not to waste too much of it. Oh and last but not least, sometimes I’ll get these little tinges of pain in my joints that often leave as fast as they strike. Probably a little preview of what arthritis feels like (yikes).
“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life —and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.” - Anthony Bourdain
Tony is one hundred percent correct. Each thing we experience, either good or bad, leaves a mark that we carry with us until the end.
During this past week I've also taken stock in what I’ve accomplished in the previous year and think about goals I’d like to set for the year ahead. I've made note of the areas in which I can do better. I have big plans for this next twelve months on Earth -- continuing to work on becoming a better human, publishing the sequel to Alarm Clock Dawn, and exploring more of this amazing planet.
The other thing about approaching fifty is am noticing being right (and/or correcting others when they clearly aren’t right) isn’t nearly as important to me. There’s great freedom in that. I'd like to think my B.S. detector is also getting a bit more refined as well. Although sometimes I still get fooled, I’m learning to spot the red flags much better and walk away from toxic people/situations before they can do any substantial harm.
Generally speaking, when we’re younger, we want to desperately to be noticed and accepted. At nearly fifty years of age I find, more often than not, I just want to blend in and savor each moment deeply and quietly, letting things unfold at a more natural pace.
In these days leading up to this big birthday, I find myself thinking about the kind of older person I want to be. I want to keep learning, stay engaged and active, have a purpose and contribute all I can to the world and those around me. I want to continue to become a better human. I don’t want to be the crusty old fart who is bitter at the world, does nothing but complain, and chases children off of his ridiculously perfect lawn.
“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” - Sophia Loren
Most of all I want just want to keep evolving and creating. To quote Frank Lloyd Wright, The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes. I really feel this way.
I've realized that happiness, in large part, comes from accepting gracefully the things you cannot change. We have to learn the fine art of letting go. We all reach a point where we find we are saying as many good byes as we do hellos to both people and things in our lives. I can feel the spirit of many of those I’ve said goodbye to cloistered around me during quiet hours.
As I travel through middle age I realize that even if I had a thousand years it would still simply never be long enough. Time, it’s growing to be ever more of the essence. I’m so many ways these are the best years of our lives. My plan is to make the most of them and to embrace silver as gracefully as I possibly can.
All for now.
With Gratitude,
Eric Vance Walton
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I love your thoughts on turning 50! I think that you sound so mature for your age. LOL Kidding. You have such a healthy attitude about age and aging. Many people get so depressed about aging, and although I am not going to throw a huge party, to see people age gracefully is heartwarming in many ways. Savor the moments, my mother said. Enjoy each year as they come, because they are behind you in the blink of an eye.
There are so many things I wanted to do with my own dad, although I squeezed in as many as I could. I was the middle of nine children and he was thirteen years older than my mom. So he was an older dad, but, in many ways, that was to our benefit. Grieving is such a personal thing, we each have our own way. For me, it came in waves and then disappeared as quickly as it would come. I found myself crying for no reason. It took me time and you know what? I still miss him. I don't think I will ever stop, but, I certainly handle it better now.
I digress.
Wonderful post! Thank you, you 'ole silver fox! Ha!
I can be very immature for my age sometimes! Lol. Your Mom was right, the years go way too quickly. I can't believe how many years I spend embroiled in the doldrums of the corporate routine. Wake up, work, go home, repeat. I know that most things happen for a reason but if I had it to do it over again those twenty-three years I spent in a cubicle is one thing I would do differently.
Money was always kind of tight for us so we were limited to one, maybe two trips to see my family a year. We made the most of those trips though. We made a lot of good memories. I had a trip all planned out to take my parents on a Vikings river cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam, but we never got to do it because of Covid. My grieving is unfolding in a similar way as it did with you. Waves come and go and they can hit out of nowhere, mainly when I have time alone with my thoughts. Thank you for stopping by and for the comment!
You are always a pleasure!
Turning 50 was a pivotal and liberating moment for me and
This is exactly where I've gone.
I lost my Dad 21 years ago this year. I still miss him. There was so much I'd have loved to do with him, and which didn't happen. I console myself that I'm still Daddy's girl and he's still much with me.
Happy birthday!
Thank you @fionasfavourites! I feel myself turning into more an observer of the world, for sure. I'm sorry for the loss of your Father. I've heard from so many people that you never get over it. There was so much I was hoping to still do with my parents -- a European river cruise, camping trips up North with my Dad, just spending time with them in general. I wanted to spoil them a bit. Hopefully we'll still get a chance to do that with my Mom.
What a beautiful way of embracing silver Eric, the name you've chosen SilverScribe is very apt!
Life can be so beautiful and filled with so much joy, yet in a moment turn into sadness. I remember when you lost your Dad so tragically but I believe that he is smiling down on you, excuse the cliche, but I believe it's true.
Besides all the little aches and pains that pop up in our silver years, it's like one cannot get enough of life, and that's the essence of embracing silver!
I love how you put it and that's been my philosophy for a long time now:
Thank you for this beautiful response to this week's #bow, a very timely topic for you especially!
Thank you @Lizelle! The grieving process is so strange, there are long stretches of coming to terms with things and then a memory will hit you that makes you miss them all over again. Cycling is one thing that my Dad and I shared. We were riding 20+ miles together when I was just twelve years old or so. I think about him every time I get on this VanMoof ebike. He would have absolutely loved it. What you've touched on in your comment is my most favorite thing about getting older, you tend to appreciate things more and take less for granted.
Well said @ericvancewalton , life is a journey, we have some bumpy roads and some smooth ones. We have to make the best of it in this crazy world of ours. I think as we age we look for the peaceful moments and stay clear of all the BS, try not to let it effect your life. Good post enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing.
Thanks @artywink! Yeah, as I get older I try to view my life as a pilot would while cruising at 30,000 ft. I try to spot the pockets of turbulence and fly around them if I can. Lol.
Lol!that is so true @ericvancewalton we have to get round those bumps, or sink. Thank you so much for stopping by, much appreciated.
how are you dear friend @ericvancewalton good afternoon.
I admire the way you write and express yourself. You say very true things.
It is an age that you miss your loved ones the most, especially those who are no longer there. This year I am 53 years old and I am experiencing things similar to what you feel, at this age you change the way of thinking and being, you try to assimilate everything and fully live every second, you avoid wasting time.
I really appreciate that you shared these thoughtful words.
I take this opportunity to wish you a long weekend
Hello @jlufer! I hope you've had a good weekend. It's finally cooling off a little here, it's tolerable now. We're very close to the same age so I'm sure you can relate perfectly to who I was describing. I thank you for taking the time to read this and to comment. Have a wonderful week!
Wooow, you're so cute in your childhood. Childhood is the only memory which gives us hope to survive.✨✨✨✨
Thanks for sharing with us!
Thanks @stardivine!
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Phew! I almost missed this, but I have an excuse, as we are struggling with blackouts. Why do we always have excuses?
Not much that I can add to this well written scribe, as I have passed the 50 mark a long time ago, but you seem to have it all sewn up correctly.
Sagging neck skins are not my problem, as my problem is that I just kept on growing taller. I am now so tall that I grew right through the hair on my head and soon the hair will be sitting around my neck. Maybe I can then shape the hair into a Bowtie.
Just wanted to get you smiling for your big milestone tomorrow and if I don't see you, I hope that you will have a great and Happy Birthday.
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