Those of you who know me from our former platform, would know that I wrote a lot of Love and Marriage blogs, 196 to be precise. After 196, I just ran out of steam. Then a few days ago I was thinking about a topic for Silver Bloggers and start thinking of Love & Marriage again.
There are what they call gray divorces, which is people middle-aged, 50, and older, who gets divorced. Statistics say this gray divorces made up 25% of divorces.
So today I will share a few tips for older couples to stay happily married.
Make time for each other and enjoy each other's company.
Most of us have very busy life's, but we must make time for our spouses. We must schedule one-on-one time with each other. There must be a time in a day when you settle down and enjoy each other's company. Maybe sitting down at sunset, watching the sunset, discussing the day's activities. Listening together an hour before bedtime to your favourite music, holding each other. If there are problems to discuss, never do it in your special "together time", schedule that for another time.
Make time for special times together, doing the date night thing, even if it's only once a month. Plan special getaways, go away for a weekend or longer. Make good memories.
When you are really very old and gray and not so healthy anymore, the memories of these special times, will still be a bonding factor.
Keep on being physically affectionate to each other.
Even when you are married for a long time, be affectionate. Kiss and hug during the day, tell your spouse you love him/her, but not just as something to just say while going out the door. Only say it if you mean it, stop and say: I love you. Sit close and hold hands when watching TV, hold hands when you go for a walk.
Maybe this sounds stupid to you, and you may think, we way pass that. Well, if you have stopped doing the above then let this fact help you to start doing that affectionate things again.
Oxytocin is the hormone that is released during cuddling, and sex, and it gives a feeling of attachment to someone. This hormone is the biological basis for love.
When you cuddle and touch, Oxytocin is released, and it will almost make you fell in love again. Without being affectionate with each other, you will stop being spouses and become like housemates.
Source: Original cartoon by Alex Martin
Keep on having sex.
It's not called "love-making" for nothing. We were created this way that the sex deed, bring us closeness like nothing thing else. If you are physically affectionate during the day, it paves the way for love-making later in the day or night.
Sometimes sex is even more fulfilling for older couples. There is more time, fewer distractions and no worries over pregnancy anymore. It doesn't have to be every day, you will be led by your spouse's and your own desires. If you have stopped having sex, you might discuss this with your spouse. If you maintain your intimacy and affection in other ways and both spouses are happy, then it's not necessary to fret over it. But if one spouse is unhappy, I almost want to say it's your duty to accommodate your spouse. Talk openly or even go for councilling.
Keep the friendship alive.
Couples that have been married for years, said they started their relationship with only being friends. Friendship built a solid foundation for a happy marriage.
True friendships are hallmarked by each member's desire to engage with the other – it's about mutual interest in one another's experiences and thoughts, as well as a sense of 'belongingness' and connection," she says. "Friendships require reciprocity – of admiration, respect, trust, and emotional and instrumental support."
Best friends get to know each other well. Your strengths and weaknesses, what makes you happy, what makes you sad. Best friends accept each other's strong points and weaknesses. Best friends support each other through thick and thin. Looking at this, it definitely seems like a requirement for a long and lasting relationship.
And of course communication.
If you do all of the above, there would be communication too. If you make time for each other, maintain the friendship, be affectionate and making love, I cannot think how there cannot be communication. Communication in every marriage is crucial. You and your spouse should know what each other want and need to have a happy life. When hard times, financial difficulty or illness come knock on the door, you should communicate on how to get through it together and marriage intact.
Always try not to fight, but discuss problems rationally. In a marriage, compromise is crucial.
After a fight, make up quick, that advise to "not go to bed angry" is very good advice. Say you are sorry and move on.
If there are differences that seem to be a recurring topic in fights, please seek professional help sooner than later. Don't give up on your marriage, to be alone when you are older is no fun.
Thank you for reading. Please write a comment on something you do to keep your marriage a long and happy one.
Silver Hope
Sources and images:
https://bestlifeonline.com/long-marriage-secrets/
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232229082_The_Gray_Divorce_Revolution_Rising_Divorce_Among_Middle-Aged_and_Older_Adults_1990-2010
https://people.howstuffworks.com/what-is-friendship.h
Ahhhh you should get back on starting them again. I read a lot of those and some words of wisdom from one with the life experience is always a good thing!
So good to see a comment from you. Thank you for reading.
If a couple do not do this (or do this in a forced way), then the marriage and the relationship is already lost.
These things should be natural and obvious in a marriage/relationship.
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, that's very true what you say. It should be obvious but often times it's not. Couples that have been married for years, start to just go through the moves, get up in the morning, do their own stuff, and don't really appreciate and enjoy each other any more, and just one day realise they don't have anything in common any more. Then they start talking about the divorce. This also happens when you still have children in the house and you are so busy with the children and once they leave the house, you realised you have grown apart.
Those are great tips. It is great to grow old together with someone that you loved.
Thank you for commenting. Thank you for the positive remark. Yes, definitely beat being alone. Especially in old age, you get more dependent on each other again.
You are most welcome @hope777