Healthy, happy, peaceful. Whenever I have dreamt of him, he has always been like that. One time, I dreamt I was awake, and had brought him back to life. He was walking toward me smiling and open; I thought he must be an illusion of mine. Another woman was just behind me, and I turned to her to ask "You see him too?" She nodded yes, spell bound by him. We were both spell bound. I was still dreaming I was awake.
That one was dreadful to wake up from.
believing
that dreaming is time travel
helps
heaven
and dreams
are time travel
splash
I hear your beautiful plunk
right behind me
I thought
I could do this but
now I think I cannot
god bless the child
who dies in
his mother's arms
our next walk will be
in a hundred acre wood
where crows
still power our hearts
and you will leave me a note
just like the one you left for your dad,
your words, penned by my hand,
with sparkles all around them
leaving me,
as you predict,
so happy
I wish you deep and restful sleeps
a certainty that you can fly
and restored grace
Today you are thirty.
I love you
Shot was taken by his Aunt Terry. I messed around with it, trying to bring him back alive. I will never stop trying to do that. Never.
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Thank you!
That's heartbreaking.
You're not kidding. I'm having a really hard time today. I decided to go off by myself for a few days so I could wallow.
I feel for you. You have to cope whatever way you can.
Hugs. Xxxx Feel your pain xx 💕 Some days must be harder than others.
Beautiful, moving, visceral writing - how I wish it were fiction, spun straight from the imagination, not real life. Your loss is so keen and so profound. We've heard for years that time heals all wounds. That the grief ebbs. I have found the opposite. We miss them more with every passing birthday, every holiday, every wedding they don't attend.
Dreams as time travel - yes!! You could start a new religion with this. Lately I've been reading about the three men of the mid-1800s who started three new sects that flourish all these years later. How did they do it? Mormons, Seventh-Day Adventists, Jehovah's Witnesses. More than a hundred years later, these "prophets" are still followed, despite obvious errors in their prophecies. E.g. April of 1878 came and went without the return of Jesus Christ. (I can hear the GPS voice: "Recalculating!") Charles Russell recalculated. In 1914, the long-awaited end of the Age of the Gentiles did not happen... He then stated that World War I was confirmation of biblical prophecies and the return of Jesus Christ would happen in 1918.
"Russell never lived to see the long-awaited return of Jesus Christ. Joseph Franklin Rutherford became Russell's successor, and the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society still exists today, although under the name coined by Rutherford, the Jehovah's Witnesses. It continued to use much of Russell's teachings, but also dismissed a portion of them as incorrect."
How do people with demonstrable FALSE beliefs get millions of people to believe them?
My dad's cousin died a few days ago. She had become a Jehovah's Witness. Our quaint rural community, so staunchly WASP (White, Protestant, conventional) has room for all sorts of preachers and parishioners. Mostly, they're "salt o' the earth,' good people...
I've lost three sisters and our father, but not my son, my only son, and I cannot even fathom the pain of losing yours so early in life. All the living he missed out on all the years he was ill. I am so sorry. We carry on, as stoics must, but some days, yes, the tidal wave of tears may take us by surprise. (It happened to me last night. Lent. That time of year...)And now I traipse back from the thickets to the trail, where you mentioned dreams and time travel, and a child dying in his mother's arms, and the way you write is so compelling, I thought, "So this is how those new religions get started. Someone eloquent, like @owasco, says something brilliant," and if they get enough positive feedback, they might get ideas of starting a new cult of fellow believers. Well, I don't see you doing this, @owasco, but you do have that gift, that eloquence that can launch revolutions and attract believers - even though Ecclesiastes warns us there is "nothing new under the sun."
Aw, shucks! What a lovely comment to wake to! I'm verklempt.
I can't imagine your grief! It's awful what you've gone through. I like to thing that Niko and Julie have become friends in heaven.
You do know you inspired this poem, right? I wrote it as a freewrite in an email to you the day before I posted it. Tinkered with it a little of course, but not much!
Sounds like any old government to me.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!
♥️🌹
xo
Wow ... superbly expressed and so beautiful. The reference to Winnie the Pooh really got me. Sending you so much love.
Thank you. I wondered if many would see Pooh in my writing. I was very happy went he took me there.
Heart-rendingly beautiful my friend - not often I find myself getting choked up ... not all of us are brave enough to bare our souls like this. Respect to you. X
Thank you. I didn't mean to write a post about it, but I had sent this in an email to a friend. It seemed right to post it. Thank you for commenting so. Respect right back at you.
{{{{ hugs }}}}
Thank you. xo
He gave you a present on his BD.Happy Heavenly Birthday @owasco Son.
Healthy, happy, peaceful
My mom would say that by you seeing him this way, he is showing you how he is doing.
Yes I believe that too. After watching him suffer for so long, we both need that beatific boy back.
Oh honey. That is alsmot the most beautiful, poignant thing I've read of yours. Just so beautiful.
Oh!
I try to dream of Dad as I have the same feeling - that you're dreaming of being awake and they are there.
I've been reading Pedro Paromo - have you read it? It's the book that brought Marquez's 100 Years of Solitude into being - he said without that book, he wouldn't have written it. It's really dream like - Paramo is searching for his father in a haunted village. The novel has this hypnotic flow of dreams, memories, desires - the line between reality and dreams, the present and the past, is really blurred. It struck me that this is sometimes what grief is like - you are walking in a wood in winter and at the same time it's summer and you are holding hands with the one you love, and you can feel the sun on your face but you know it's not really there, you know? I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself right. I wanted to write a short story based on my father using Pedro Paromo as an influence but I can't figure out how to do it yet.
I know exactly what you mean! I've been living it for a couple years now. It takes someone very important to you to die to trigger that kind of reality.
I have never read Paromo, I'll see if my library has it. Thanks for the suggestion, it sounds like my kind of book. I love 100 years of solitude and reread it periodically.
I sure look forward to your short story! Try to tag me, or let me know you've written it somehow. I don't want to miss it.
It's still just a concept. Very ethereal. I'll keep thinking about how to do it.
I wrote it... It's published xx
!discovery 30
❤️
Sending you so much love. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. But also how important it is for you to keep him alive with your words and your memories, your dreams. That fierce love you have for him, driving your forward.
I wanted to share this song with you.
thank you my dear. xo