“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
I've done this exercise before each time I answered "no" because I felt that there was still so much to be done, but then I realised I was answering the question holding the wrong supposition. I was answering it with the assumption that I'd still be alive after answering the question.
But if there wasn't more would I be happy with today as my last?
The human brain is a seriously technologically advanced instrument and today I blew my own mind with it.
I had been driving for some time and was about half way to my destination when something took place that made me swallow hard.
I was in the right hand lane of a dual lane carriageway and there were cars ahead, to the left and behind me. I was minding my own business when in a matter of milliseconds this was my thought process
"Why does this lane feel squished?"
"That guy's rather close to me that's why"
"Why is he so close to me?"
"Is he paying attention to the road?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?"
"He's going to hit me"
At this point everything sped up faster and while my thoughts were racing a million miles an hour, my brain also told my hand to stick to the hooter which I did and then ...
"Brace yourself"
This happened so fast but my mind had already gauged by how he was veering towards me that the impact was probable and made the necessary mental preparations for it.
Luckily the hooter worked really well and I think he may have soiled himself as he violently veered back into his own lane seeming very confused and I'd even say panicked.
It was a VERY close call and even though we weren't going very fast (70kms/hour), there is no telling what the end result of that collision may have been. I'm glad it didn't turn out any way other than how it did, but it afforded me the opportunity in that split second to answer the question AND be immensely grateful for so many things.
If that had taken a turn for the worst would I have been happy up to that point with what I've accomplished in my life?
The answer was a resounding "yes". I would be and there would be no good reason for me to feel otherwise because I've had a lot of near misses like this in my life and I'm still walking and talking and living to tell the tale. That in itself is something.
Would there be changes I want to implement - absolutely, I'd be an idiot not to want to change what is less than favourable but if I didn't have the opportunity, I would be fully content with myself and my life up to this point.
So I did a lot of thinking about my life, what it means to me, what I value, deem important and those that I hold dear. I've culled a lot of people who weren't good for me, but I've added some that have completely changed the way I view the world, the good and bad parts of it, the balancing act that we all seem to take part in on a daily basis between home, work, play and everything in between. I'm not any measure of societal success, but that doesn't mean much these days anyway. My purpose in life has changed drastically through the years but I know what it is and I know how to fulfil it, I know I'm far from perfect but I also know that I'm good at heart. Isn't that half of the challenge we face most of the time? The existential questions of whether we are living up to our potential.
Does that mean that I can now sit back and be lazy? Gosh no, absolutely not. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, but I also still have a lot of work to do to continue fulfilling that purpose.
The thing is that you can't ever look off into the distance to meet your aspirations, it can't always be off over there somewhere just out of reach - it has to be today, right now - this very moment. Even the mundane ones count.
It's an intense feeling when you get jolted like that, it makes you appreciate things so much more, makes the coffee taste damlicious and makes every minute precious...because every minute IS precious. We only have a finite number of them so we need to use them wisely, cut the chaff and nurture the good stuff because that's what makes it a life well lived.
It's not a handful of big things, it's a lifetime of little ones.
The image is mine
Ah that’s definitely scary! I’ve had a few close calls but thankfully managed to get away from them without anything serious. It definitely puckers up our butt cheeks that’s for sure hahaha.
I’m totally with you on this though, it’s important to think and reflect on times like this and ask ourselves if it finished here, would we be happy with what we’ve done thus far? Making adjustments in life is important and I think many people are so unaccustomed to the notion of making changes that it’s sad. We keep making the same unfortunate mistakes and then when it is the ultimate moment have regret we didn’t do something.
I was driving a few weeks back with my son and we saw a dude not paying attention while driving on the highway. I don’t know if he fell asleep or was texting but he veered off the left lane into the shoulder and went down into the ditch but didn’t flip the car luckily and managed to keep control enough to bring it back out and then pull over. It was an intense experience! It certainly made me think of how quickly something can go sideways. Thankfully I’m not much of a fast lane driver anymore so I wasn’t near him, I was 2 lanes to the right lol but things can change and happen on a dime! I was hoping nothing bad happened that I had to stop and save the dude with my son in the car.
Are you ok, Emma? That sounds horrible!
Hi @bertrayo
I'm fine thanks, it was a close call but very grateful it wasn't a crash 🙂
I'm grateful too. Your posts are very good and I would surely miss them if you go missing for a lot of time. I guess a lot of this place pondering comes from close calls.
It makes you understand the value of life. But, lo, it is a dangerous experience.
Thanks for the kind words, I enjoy writing and it's been so lovely meeting everyone and finding awesome content along the way. I do think that having these kinds of incidents makes us have a lot more courage to face our fears and also just knowing that I'm still here and might not have been, well I'm very freaking happy I am here.
I love driving and for a long time haven't had this close of a near miss, but they do happen from time to time and I took it as it came. I'm glad my reflexes are still good, if I had been delayed he wouldn't have moved back in time.
Have a great day Andres, thanks for the comment.
Hey, I read the post and liked the tone but I was freaking out inside. It isn't something to talk about lightly. I'm glad to know you're ok and keep going with your amazing content.
Kuddos to your reflexes. Keeping yourself alive, checked ✅✅✅
Have a great weekend, Emma.
Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound that hectic, but at the time I was quite tense from that fright.
It feels great to be alive! Sometimes we get given these reminders for a reason.
I'm having a very nice weekend so far, and yours?
Sorry for being worried. I knew you were ok since you were writing about it. 😅
Yeah, I guess that what the phrase means about being reborn in a moment.
Well, my weekend started in a really awesome way!
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Any post with a Douglas Adams title/ intro is one you KNOW is going to be good!
I enjoyed hearing the thoughts your experience sparked, but I also want to make you a cup of tea for the fright! What a jolting moment... I'm so grateful that it wasn't an accident!!
Thanks for sharing Emma!
Hi Grindan
How are you doing? I know, Douglas Adams was awesome, I wish I could have met him!
It was quite scary but the relief that flooded over me afterwards made it seem not so bad. Thank you for the gesture of the cup of tea, it would have gone down well at the time for sure!
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend so far. 🌼
I'm doing well 😁 Tomorrow is my birthday and I've got a nasty cold, so that's a bummer... BUT soup season just started here, and where I live it rains a lot in early fall. So it's really prime time to be in bed, hot beverage in hand while it rains... in the spirit of your post, anything can have a great take away if we decide it should 😂
It's been so fun watching your blog unfold, since we joined around the same time. I really like that you are practicing survival skills, but still making time to smell the flowers in life! I hope you are enjoying your spring as much as I am feeling autumn over here :)
I'm so glad to read that you are well. Happy Happy Birthday to you Grindan and wishing you many more! 🎂 🥂 Soup season sound delectable and I like your plan of in bed with hot chocolate while it rains, my kinda day in winter.
Thanks so much for your kind words, it been so cool to connect with you and it's awesome that we share so many things in common. Enjoy the season of autumn, it really is the most beautiful.
Have a fabulous day today and eat cake, it's always a good plan!