How bitter the news is sometimes, I'm so sorry for everything that happened, I hope you're okay, while I was reading this I had to stop myself from crying too... It brings back memories.
I have very beautiful memories of my grandmother, she raised me for many years too, when we didn't have a home. And she always took care of me and my sister when they were little. My parents couldn't give me money every day for school lunch, and I remember that my grandmother would secretly take money from her small pension to give me something so I could buy a snack at school 😄.
(And she would spend hours without eating, or without buying a single piece of clothing)
My grandmother taught me to play my first song on the piano, and she was happy with me giving her her favorite perfume, a simple cologne from the pharmacy 🤓🎹. She taught me generosity and strength, among many other things. I feel like I'm a little deluded sometimes (or crazy), but when I miss her (or my mom too) I feel her energies, in all the beautiful things they left us, her remix song to put the kids to sleep, or making some fries at 4pm, it has the taste of grandma's house. "Those loves are more than loves." They are always with us.
I send you hugs. Take care, take your time.
As I am reading your comment I cry because remembering the small good things she used to do is just overwhelming. She also used to buy me good food in the pension day, it was the only day when she allowed herself to splurge for my own comfort.
There were a lot of things left unsaid between us and this somehow makes me painfully ruminate. I don't know...this is my first experience of grieving for a lost loved one. I just do not know how to solve this inner conflict and I try to take it day by day.
Thank you for this supportive comment!
I also cried when I wrote that message, the memories still move me. At the time, it did me good to leave for a moment some tasks I was doing (university) and spend time with my closest family (my little sister). And rest. Walk or take a short trip. And read some pages, share what happens to you. All the wisdom is already inside you and in the hearts of the people around you. Perhaps this is a moment of awareness to be closer together, to hug each other more than ever, to take care of each other, to return to unity.
Send you love ❤️
I took a long walk in the forest and it made me forget for a little while. Nature helps so much and just writing in my journal as well. Sending you appreciation and blessings for your support:)