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Taking the time and energy needed to care for yourself is not selfish.
I know there is someone out there who needs to hear this. I know I need to truly hear this sentiment more often than not. As a creative person who is imbued with a people-pleasing, peace-desiring tendency, I have worn myself into a creative energy depleted husk over the years trying to feed all the life force sapping tentacles whirling about me.
Like all systems that are out of balance, eventually something will give, and if you don't take care of yourself, your self will eventually give out.
Living in a feed and bleed cycle is not healthy. It's also not conducive to personal growth and overall well-being. It hurts my soul that my formerly creative, imagination-filled brain is so depleted from tending to other's needs over my own that it has almost completely given out.
But, being an optimist, I know there is an answer out there to my conundrum, the issue that all those who care face, How to attain the balance between caring for yourself and doing that which you love, giving.
One of them is to take some time to be alone. While alone ask yourself if you are spending a lot of time pasting a smile on your face and helping when you are asked even if that isn't what you want to do. I am the worst about this because I have spent a life time enduring discomfort because it was expected of me. As a child, as a woman, as an employee, I learned and patterned my behavior at an early age to be pliable and not have external expectations for myself. Bearing discomfort with a good attitude is an admirable thing, but it is okay to say no and want things on your own terms. Without establishing this boundary you are nothing more than a chameleon who floats through life playing a part, and I can guarantee you aren't happy on the inside.
So as in most things mindful and self-care related, the two letter N word comes into play here. Saying no is essential to well-being. Say no to answering that call or text from the person you love who feeds off of your energy. Say no to that obligation that you have never really wanted to do but felt like you had to because someone might be upset if you don't do it. Say no to things that drain you and distract from your growth and enjoyment in this short time that we all get.
And be wary the self-sabotage beastie. It's always lurking, ready to slay your good intentions whenever you start on the path to positive habit growth. We are all creatures of habit, of neural pathway instilled behaviors, and when you deviate from that trail, your brain will come at ya. Take some time and develop strategies to combat that Negative Wave Naughty Voice that whispers into your ear when you try something new and beneficial. "You're ugly, you're fat, you're a failure." That self-defeating siren knows all your flaws and triggers, and like any soldier you have to be ready with a strategy to deploy when it comes at you.
Give yourself permission to love your failures. They aren't negative. I'm currently reading The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins, and if something as simple as giving yourself a high five in the mirror in the morning can create new positive neural pathways regarding self view in your brain, then the sky's truly the limit (and maybe not even that) regarding just how awesome our lives can be.
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I'll leave you with a quote from the book that struck me on this beautiful morning, for it's a pertinent reminder of how we are not limited by our situation, no matter how hopeless it might seem or how many lies we've chosen to believe about ourselves:
I do know someone, a good friend of mine, who is like this. But she decided in the last week to take care of her and is actively doing this finally! I am so proud of her!
Loved the last 2 photos!
Aww, you are the greatest! And I am so glad to hear that your friend is taking care of herself😊
Cat and rose pictures never fail to make me smile, glad you loved them!
!PIZZA
Heck yeah~!!! I am always
changingtelling the story the way I want it to go.You couldn't be any more right and sometimes it takes falling flat on your face to realize it. If this post can save one person from that, it will have done its job. I am so guilty of being that person, a people pleaser.
I think it comes from being the oldest girl in a nine kid family. I am so short on time KitKat, but, I love you and needed to touch bases with you. Mwah!
If you don't stop writing good stuff like this, and everything else, I am going to insist your write a book.
Ahh, always editing the screenplay you are😊
And I don’t know why I wrote that sentence in Yoda, we are going to attribute that to my brain being slightly broken lol!
Denise, I’m so happy that you exist, as a fellow people pleaser it warms the polyester collar of my heart to just get to interact with such an awesome person. As a fellow elder child, I get it!
Hope you have a glorious weekend DstheBest! 🙃
I meant nine kid family, not a nice family, although they are pretty cool. Thanks always for exuding this always-bursting bundle of energy.
Somebody once pointed out to me that *"no" is a complete sentence. It seemed a bit brutal at the time — being also one who has been trapped in the people-pleasing loop — but it is truth.
We have to have good boundaries, or we will be sucked dry by those who can sense other people's willingness to give.
Ah yes, the energy vampires are always lurking and ready to feed. That complete sentence saying is one of my favorites, and I definitely need reminded of it on occasion.
Hope you are having a magnificent day😊
!PIZZA
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