Really, at this point, just getting through each day, finding a fragment of beauty or joy each day, is goal enough. And each of your posts does matter. I, for one, would be devastated if you were to delete them all! Or stop posting...
And I get the part about not being able to move as you want. I could no longer ride, a passion of mine for nearly 40 years. So I learned to sit and garden. And that's taken nearly 20 years. And of late, even that is becoming harder and harder.
But one needs something to get up for each day... You will find your way through this.
Oh honey, you are such an inspiration.
I would probably break if I rode a horse and I used to love it too. Some kids just went past and teased the horse in the paddock across from us, and it was galloping and pacing and bucking like mad, so I went and soothed it just by standing with it and talking to it, you know, that quiet and low: sssh, it's all right, it's all right. Me and the horse, just talking. She calmed down so fast. Maybe I need to talk to my own inner horse!
I'm learning to adapt. I'm definitely not kicking and bucking and snorting as much as I would have a few years ago!
Thanks for always being so supportive x