Thousands of people want to find a magical way to boost their self-esteem. And they can't, because it's impossible. Because there is no scale to measure. Because what we call self-esteem is possible only in the context of some group, from which some individual people are singled out, with whom further comparison is made. The catch is that the comparison is possible only for a small number of parameters and only at the moment.
For example, I compare myself with a neighbor who has a newer car, a larger apartment, a neater haircut, children do not yell, and a higher salary. But what if tomorrow she crashes her car? Or if the secret to perfect styling turns out to be that it's a wig?
But what if I find out some dark sides about my neighbor, chosen as the standard for comparison? For example, that she has been using any illegal substances for a long time? What then? Looking for someone else to compare? Turn a blind eye to those parameters that can be closed, focusing on hair, car, square meters and ideal children?
There will always be those in the world whom I cannot catch up with in some way. At the same time, it will not be possible to find a complete match of everything. Self-esteem cannot be raised or lowered. Because it is impossible to define a coordinate system and zero in this system.
When people talk about wanting to boost their self-esteem, it's more about a sense of self-worth. Every person has it from birth, but for some, under the influence of depreciation, and not only the sense of self-worth is lost. Every person has value, but sometimes some people stop feeling their value. Then comes the desire to evaluate.
The point is that the feeling of one's own worth is not at all about feeling better, more important, more valuable than everyone in a certain group, but about the absence of the need to compare oneself with other people.
Self-worth is when one's own life does not seem less valuable than someone else's. Even if you know less, look different, have fewer resources, bring less benefit to someone, make mistakes, get sick ... Your life is important to you, you have a value for yourself that you don’t try to weigh, measure and compare with someone yet. Therefore, attempts to raise self-esteem to the level of “like all normal people”, “better than a neighbor”, “no worse than others”, etc. does not work.
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