I stepped outside of a cold house on to the back patio and felt the warmth of the sun like a gentle embrace enfolding me. A feeling of calm came over me and a smile crept across my face. I was reminded how it's often the simplest things in life that can bring happiness. The spring sun, either after the gloom of winter or just being confined indoors for too long.
I heard someone say that keeping expectations low generally brings a higher level of happiness in life than always being disappointed at not meeting higher expectations set by yourself or others. That's not to say we shouldn't make goals, indeed having something to work towards is what makes life worth living, but keeping expectations reasonable means we're more likely to achieve and even exceed those goals, making the outcome more pleasing.
I've always been one to keep expectations low because I don't enjoy constantly being disappointed or frustrated, especially when it comes to other people. We have no control over others, after all, and when we try to assert control over them it only leads to resentment on their part and frustration on our own.
Recently my husband did something for me that pleasantly surprised me, because it showed he was thinking of me and putting himself out for the sake of my wellbeing, which he doesn't usually do, unless I specifically ask it of him. When I mentioned it to my daughter she laughed because she felt it was the least he could do as a common courtesy and my expectations were too low.
It got me wondering for a moment if my expectations were indeed too low and if I should expect more from him. However, the reality is that not everyone is going to have the same empathy levels as ourselves; in fact most don't. To expect that across the board is going to leave you disappointed more often than not. So there's no point in dismissing relationships just because you don't see eye to eye on everything.
There are things that would be a deal breaker for any relationship for me, any abusive or violent behaviour as an obvious example. There is a limit to lowering expectations; everything in moderation and all that jazz.
Returning to the topic of goal setting, while it's true we need purpose in life, there comes a point where we might need to recognise when a purpose is no longer serving us. I recently came across some examples with regards financial goal setting, but I feel like it goes for other life situations as well.
A chap was talking to a multi billionaire acquaintance and asking why he kept on going with his money building goals when he was already bringing in more than he could ever spend or need. His response was that it was for the challenge. Yet his family expressed that he wasn't really enjoying life or getting any happiness from his constant drive to gain more wealth.
Another comparison is Tom Anderson, the creator of My Space, and Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook. For all intents and purposes, Facebook is the more successful of these two ventures and continues to expand with the Metaverse. Interest in My Space waned and Tom sold it for a tidy sum of $580 million. He then went off travelling around the world doing photography and seemed pretty content with that, following a passion by the look of it. Meanwhile Mark Zuckerberg has the stresses of running and expanding a popular online business and seems to be dragged into court fairly often to try and defend or explain any dodgy stuff done by his business. He also has governments across the world putting pressure on him to censor things people do on his platforms. Not really a happy sounding life, if you ask me.
I see these kinds of things reflected in a lot of people's lives and I wonder how much we are affected by beliefs and perceptions around us when we attempt to define what we want from life and what will make us happy. Financial success is often held up as the gold standard, so is that why we strive for that? Or we might see what looks like an ideal life from a social media influencer and try to eminate that, not realising that what they portray to the world might not be the reality of their life, then wondering why it isn't working out for us.
I've watched someone give up on things they've worked towards and come close to achieving completion on because they've decided something else might be more fulfilling after seeing others happy in that. But they keep dropping those things one after another, because it's not making them happy like they hoped and they really just want to do and experience everything, even if it's beyond what they can manage, always searching for that greener patch of grass that will make them happy.
For many the idea of wealth equals freedom, but when asked what that looks like for them, they often can't answer. They usually come up with generic answers like "doing what I want, when I want" but can't say what it is they want to do. Or they say if they had lots of money they'd buy a Ferrari, because isn't that what rich people have? It makes you wonder how many people have actually stopped to reflect on themselves. Are we so easily over-ridden by our need to fit in and the perceptions we want others to have of us?
What things make you happy in life? If you had enough passive income to never have to work again, what would you do?
Travel. I'm someone who likes to move a lot, so if money wasn't a problem, I'd probably be on the road. Eventually, if money still continued being plentiful I'd pretty much do the same things I'm doing now. Write. Yoga and dance and things that make me happy. Hang out with people who matter. It's a boring answer, but still.
I think you make a very valid point about this low standards argument. I know enough women with impossible standards who are constantly miserable. And as you say, it's one thing to have really low standards and not recognize that you deserve to be treated with a bare minimum of courtesy and decency, and quite another to find joy in little things someone does to help you or make you smile. That's where the main chunk of happiness is at. :)
How is it boring if it's what you enjoy? It shouldn't matter whether others perceive it as interesting or exciting. I think travel is something a lot of people would do much more of if they could. It's an adventure in itself, always something new to experience and learn.
Can't think of many things worse than a Ferrari. It's magnetic to cops and criminals, costs a fortune to service and insure, and there's nowhere to drive it to anywhere near its full capacity (not that I'd want to).
A large, solar catamaran would be my preference. Something that just runs on sunlight, and takes the family anywhere in the world, even if the trip takes weeks. Starlink on the roof. Trawling for fresh squid in the evening.
A small flotilla would be great. Other families doing the same thing, so we're not out there alone.
I have little interest in cars as anything other than transport, so I never even looked at Ferraris that way. 🤣
A flotilla brings to mind Waterworld. Are catermarans better at weathering storms than single hull boats or worse? That would be my main concern with living on the ocean.
Catamarans are generally more expensive to buy and maintain. Getting them out of the water for maintenance is harder, and finding berths at marinas considering how wide they are.
They're more stable on the water for the most part, and have more space. They also go a bit faster. Stabiliser tech is getting better for monohulls, which is eating up that stability advantage, but then solar is giving catamarans better propulsion options, including full solar.
I can see solar cats really getting popular over the next 5 years or so.
I'm not interested in weathering storms. Around the equator is very calm pretty much all the time, so that's where you'd find me :)
I didn't know that. Sounds nice, but also hot
You know, your daughter thinking it was the least your husband could do making you think if your standards or expectations are too low is definitely something I can relate. I believe the little things make me happy and in as much as it might make others laugh at me, I can’t even do anything about it.
At least they are just laughing and not annoyed with you. That's a moment of happiness for them too. 😉 It may also may them a little envious at your ease of happiness.
"Oh, mom." I can imagine that... lol
But I think I would be settling if I keep my expectations too low, because deep down, I know what I actually expect at the very least, so maybe I communicate it sometimes. In a kind and considerate manner, though. What's funny is that people don't even see things from our lenses and probably never realise things until they're told.
This is true. We don't all think the same way and what is important to one person, isn't necessarily important to another. That said, I've been with my husband for over 30 years now and we communicate and discuss our needs regularly. He rarely remembers what doesn't pertain to him personally, however (autism spectrum apparently). If I don't ask something of him he won't think to do it, but if I remind him when he forgets I'm at risk of nagging. 🤣 He gets there slowly, however, when it becomes important to him
Woah. 30 years?? Respect and lovely!
😂
I understand better now. You know yourselves so well, and it's so admirable. Love is patience among similar things, you know. Thank you for sharing wisdom.
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Thank you!!
Great post. I would spend a lot more time with my family having adventures.
Gosh, yes! We spend so much time working we miss out on that time with family. A lot of Australians try to take a year or 6 months out to go on the road around Australia with their kids. It's just such a good learning opportunity and experience.
Recently, one of the things that has really helped me to sustain my happiness is to rescue the rate I put expectations in things, efforts and generally people. Not only that, I have come to master the art of generating happiness from within and not from outside
That's certainly the way to go. Too often people expect their happiness to come from around them and then complain that it's others who let them down and cause their unhappiness; I have a family member like this. We have no control over others, however, only ourselves.