Reality is an enables her...
Today I realised that one of my minor goals might stall due to an error I was aware of but failed to correct. Now it seems my plans to leave this hell hole next year won't be as easy as I projected and might even prolong my stay.
I spent the entire day feeling trapped. Feels like we are back to the drawing board again and it numbs me. This just feels like a sick cosmic game I don't want to be part of anymore. I am like Job of the Bible his lowest point, seeking meaning. I would like to put the pieces of my life together to see where to lead.
What's the whole point of this experience...
I know I am not demanding too much from life, I do not enjoy it even, and that seems like a horrible thing to say but I honestly do. I can give for some peace. This constant battle in my mind just feels pointless.
I think God knows I don't care so much about myself so he gave me people to care about. Left to me I probably would be a bum in the street because I don't care about the cares of this enough. It is not enough to motivate.
When I watch or listen to serial entrepreneurs I seek to envy their drive and the meaning they derive from having things or being things. I just want peace of mind. I wonder if I don't smoke or drink because people like me easily fall for those kinds of vices.
What amazes me most times is how I can pull myself from a dark place without help. It is crazy because when I do look around there is no one to be vulnerable with (well, I have blogs and thoughts). I understand this is the reality for most men across the world hence the high male suicide and death rate.
Sometimes I laugh at myself. The pressure on my life and the people looking up to me for direction and leadership while within I am clueless and in some cases scared because I don't even know how or where or when things will turn out. I am as clueless as everyone else.
I want to look back 30-40 years from now and conclude that this journey was worth it. I am grateful for the experience and the love I felt, but if I had the choice I would never have started it. I don't mean to sound ungrateful to my creator. I am nothing in the grand scheme of things and he knows better. But at this very moment, this is how I feel and fortunately, feelings are fleeting. Cheers!
I hope when we all look back at our lives later in future we'll all be able to conclude that it was worth it.
It gets really tough sometimes. Plans fall apart and you are thrown into a state of wondering.
Tell me about this. It may take some time but eventually we realize that we owe it to ourselves to leave the dark. There is no hero with a cape coming to save you, so you become your hero.
I hope you look back at this time and fell fulfilled. Cheers.
Thanks for your warm words. We taking it a step at a time.
The pleasure is all mine.
I told someone this. That if it left to me, I wouldn’t be alive. I would either be dead or just not existing. I think we are this way (caring about people) because God did know we wouldn’t give two hoots about us. When I am so close to snapping the thread left, I get images of people. People I love and people I just can’t let down.
I really loved reading and seeing this part of you. You see, sometimes, we all think that we have to be strong each time. I have come to points where I just have to cry to feel better.
I am a sassy man 😌. Thanks for reading. We all need to let out steam once in a while (even the strongest amongst us).
😂😂sassy
Sometimes I feel we are running inside of a circle and after a certain point, we are restarting everything and doing everything. Doing the same thing again and again we became used to it but little by little we are losing our mental peace. So I feel sometimes we need to try to go out of the circle.
I feel you have some kind of psychological resistance and it reacts automatically to pull yourself without the help of others. It's good for you.
I guess so. Maybe it is just a copping machine but it has helped me through difficult times.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your comment
@nonsowrites...
So much of the energy in your post resonates with me. Perhaps it's my (somewhat) empathic energies. But really... I think it is just the life I have led. Raised by women... diagnosed with MS... and so in tune, with many of the situations we all deal with on a daily basis.
Yep! I have often thought this very same thing! But everything in life happens for a reason. It is my belief anyway; in the worst of times, we should remain a carrier of the light. Let others know... "You are not alone!". Life is never easy... but positive energy breeds positive energy. So, too... you are here for a reason! Just remember that! One more thing... I love the message in your post. But please consider sourcing your photograph so I can curate your content!
Wes...
!LUV
(2/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily@nonsowrites, @wesphilbin
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoThanks for your warm comment. I agree we all need to stay positive in a world of complexities and be the light who hope others to be (for us)
The image is mine and I have indicated that now on the post. I usually forget to do so since the image is mine. Thanks for stopping by
I'm rooting for you and for the breakthrough I believe you'll have soon. Keep pushing ❤️
Thanks dear, I Appreciate it. ❤️
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Thank you!!