She is a disciplinarian. Although she is mostly softer nowadays, she still doesn't tolerate nonsense. And she displayed that yet again to my niece and nephew. Such a heated moment for those two, and I felt for them. Having her as a mother, I surely knew how they were feeling in that moment. I showed up later and had a talk with them.
You see, my mother is at the same time a very sweet and loving person, as she can be strict. She has largely contributed to the kind of person I am now, as well as my brother, and many people have commended her for having given us good home training. Growing up with her and under her wings, however, wasn't exactly the chillest experience.
I have wanted to run away from home a few times before. I thought I didn't actually belong to my parents and that I just got delivered to their doorstep in a box. I surely didn't see her as Mom when she whipped my ass, reprimanding me for doing the things I should have.
I was much younger, and I really never understood much of her teacher or ways of passing them. It is now that I am much older that I see her much more clearly and appreciate her in every way possible.
I mean, I don't mean to paint the image that I get flogged every morning, if that's what you're imagining. It's just that, as a typical African child, you get certain reactions when you do the wrong things.
Hearing how my nephew and niece were scolded for "doing the right thing at the wrong time," I felt for them and remembered how I'd felt as a child.
My mom always pulls you in with the left arm when she reprimands you with the right, but usually much later. In the moment that she was away, after being scolded, I went on to talk with my niece and nephew. It is pretty much my responsibility at this age to do so for them, especially now that my mom's much older.
My aim was to enlighten them on how life truly is, how to deal with criticism on their level, and the importance of being "taught right." And, of course, lighten their moods to encourage them to work cheerfully rather than begrudgingly, which is awfully exhausting.
I started with an analogy of the seasons we have here in Africa. I described to them how you sometimes wished for the rain when it's hot and sunny and then wished for the sun when it's all too cold and the roads are too muddy too often in the rainy season. And then she explained how that represents how life doesn't always go as we want, but we somehow have to navigate it to thrive.
I showed them how important it is to be corrected when you're doing something wrong by describing how favoured one can be when they have good manners and exhibit discipline and character. I used personal anecdotes about myself to lighten their moods at this point. I can be a hilarious person when I want to be.
And I let them know that I knew that they could have already thought of running away a few times when they get harshly reprimanded sometimes. I made them understand that it's normal to feel sad when being criticised, but they have to see what's most important about it—the lesson.
Soon enough, their faces brightened up. They understood my message and felt much better. And then, like magic, they continued their chores with a little more enthusiasm.
I don't exactly know what parenting truly feels like, but I believe that effective communication is important in any relationship, even with kids. I learnt this from my mother, the disciplinarian, as she always ensured we truly understood her actions towards us and that they were always out of love.
And to top it all up, I gave them extra TV privileges to keep them happy. Surely, some more episodes of Henry Danger should do the trick. I know I loved how those sitcoms made me feel when I was their age. Good old times...
All images are mine
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Hi @olujay it is a pleasure to meet you through this interaction. I feel honored to be part of your life story through the readings and expressions of your experiences. Tough love can have a diversity of expressions, interpretations and definitions because each life story that involves a family component is unique in its particularities. It is a dynamic and dissimilar worldview, in the sense that what may be good or acceptable for someone is not for another. I was formed in the tough love bestowed by my father, under the complacent love of my mother, perse of the rigidity in which I transited and although there were punishments for my mischief, there were no spankings, I will tell you more details. I am preparing my story to share in this invitation. Until another time, health and wellness !LUV
@olujay, @marilour(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily
You have gotten me very interested in reading your story. I hope I find it when you publish. I also believe tough love comes in different forms, especially across different parts of the world. I'd like to read what it's like for you. Thank you interacting... See you soon.
I feel like if you're African and you've never felt like running away from home as a kid, your parents are not in the African parents group chat cause broo!!!😂
But then, all these scoldings and floggings have contributed to who we are today, like you said
Definitely not in the group chat. Lol.
With how different this generation is today, though, I wonder if we will still have "African parents" the same. What do you think?
To be very honest, I doubt it. Because so many people, those in the Gen Z geng have let Social Media influence their lifestyle. So many people want to be American so badd. I have met someone that is looking forward to start creating tiktoks with her kids when she gives birth.
In summary God will see the next generation of African parents soon.
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I see that it's about "tough love"
It's a coincidence, actually, because I hadn't even seen the prompts.
Thank you.
I can realate to this post in a hundred and one ways, lol. At a point in my life, I felt adopted too and wished I could run away or just dissapear. My mom and yours are quite similar and its still surprising to me how she is so soft nowadays.
I wish I had an uncle like you around when I was younger, those kids are lucky to have you. I am glad they felt better afterwards, well done uncle Jay.
So I am not even the only that wished they could run away. Even you, Ardor. Fascinating.
All kids really ever need is someone to guide them right. If only...
Lol, I thought I was the only one, I always had a master plan to run from school but where to run to was the problem. Years later I want to go back to my father's house against all odds.
My dad was a disciplinarian too, he'd reset your brain every time you fucked up. Today whenever I hear people talk about the wildest thing they did when they were young I am always stunned as I cannot relate😂😂😂
I wonder if our parents even knew that their kids have at least once tried to run away before. What would they have even done or said?
I mean, "You guys could do that? I'd have been served..." Lol