It's a little rough being home. It's like having arrived at a destination and being dragged back over sandpaper. I loved being in Europe. I loved the endless roads, the sense of freedom. Now I'm home I'm a little off kilter. Grazed.
It's a little because it's hard living with your parents. Hell, it can be hard living with anyone under these circumstances. Dad's been really struggling with his pain levels and a few days ago he shouted at me - the details don't matter, save to say had he not been so sick, I probably wouldn't have spoken to him for a few months or at least til he apologized. All I could do was leave the room gulping back tears, and compose myself in the caravan until I was ready to be an adult about it, which wasn't really til the next day.
Poor Mum tried to fix it by explaining he was in pain, which I said to her I knew that it and it was all okay and not to worry, but I was going to clear out and get some ocean time so I could resume not being a child, plus I wasn't talking about it with her at 6 in the morning because who does that? I did find a mate down the beach I offloaded too and received a big hug from, so by lunchtime I was ready to come home and be all light and cool and breezy and ready to sweep the hurt under my parents Persian rugs. I also bought Dad a bottle of sarsaparilla cordial, his favourite. Life's too short to remain upset by stupid comments made by people who are struggling with pain.
Anyway. Today's walk was round Torquay point - I'm usually on the cliff walk above but it was very low tide and absolutely no surf at all so I clambered round the rock pools with my boots and wished I had a good camera to take cool photos. I've been spending quite a few hours on Dad's couch getting tips on cameras. He wants me to buy a Sony but I can't afford it. It makes sense as he has a heap of Sony lens I will quite likely inherit or at least be able to use. But I think my old Sony a6300 will be okay, I just need to remind myself how to do it. When you don't practice you kinda forget. Although my composition is okay I do struggle with the other settings.
I was feeling a little homesick and heartsick for the old days, walking along this beach. I learnt to surf here. Back then I reckon there was only 20 dogs in the whole town. I probably knew them all by name and they used to run wild. Someone would always be dropping off someone else's dog home. Now everyone has a frigging dog. There's more dogs than people. They are all over the beach.
As I walked I mainly looked out to see and try not to let those things bug me. It was a beautiful morning, cold and drizzly, and I took my boots off to walk barefoot at the waters edge which started doing its job of grounding me.
I've been trying to walk a lot, do yoga, and surf, to build my fitness back up. Yesterday was the only time I've been able to get waves and I felt clumsy and inflexible and just kept falling off or hitting myself with the board. Frustrating. I get a bit maudlin thinking I probably only have ten good years left of being active in this way.
When I got right to the far end of the beach - a place called Bird Rock, which is also a surf spot and we used to jump off it when we were kids into the rock pool below - I was stoked to run into a really good friend of mine I never get to see. He's an ex neighbour and lover from when I was - what, seventeen odd?
I've known him for a long time and we always hold a big love for each other. It was super cool getting a big hug and some love from him just when I really needed it.
I guess this is just where I'm at now - coping with some Big Stuff.
Now where did I put my adult hat? I'm going to need it. Note to self - tantrums on the beach when no one is looking, and the rest of the time I'm just going to be brave.
With Love,
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Oh hon, emotions most be running high, these days can be very intense. Sending you a big hug. Glad you went to the beach and got the hug you needed. Much love xxx
You deal your emotions very well. Yeah, it's a waste of energy to remain upsets to our parents. We just always think that our parents managed us very well when we were still young and made lots of mistakes .😊
That's perfect - yes! Forgiveness is far better for the soul.
Funny thing is, me and Dad are pretty alike so he was yelling at me for a thing he does!😂
True.😊😊
It says it runs in your blood.😄😄
And your dad's life is even shorter for you to be upset of him by comments you know he didn't mean to make. These situations will probably become more frequent in the days to come, you'll just have to put on your daughter-parent hat more often and take whatever shit is thrown at you and put nit in your love bucket 💕
Shit in love buckets. Got it.. love it xxx
Dealing with the severe pain in someone else is really really hard. I am so sad your dad is going through this. I’d hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of pain.
My heart goes out to you and the family, it’s a hard time to go through.
Thanks beautiful xxx
Morphine, via a dropper, was my Mother's relief towards her end. Her condition was different involving her heart, though morph should bring relief to most pains and discomfort. There was some left after she passed and let me tell you that that is some fine stuff; pain or no pain. ;)
I'm sorry she was in pain but glad she had the relief - I've never had morphine and hope ill never need it.
Yes long term it's addiction can be devastating, yet if in a terminal condition that is not such a factor.
What a beautiful photograph!
I send you my blessings and greetings from Venezuela, @riverflows
Hey Wes! It's not easy is it, and I'm sorry you are going through that. I imagine dementia is worse.
Do you mean you can't support my post with an upvote unless I say something like "photos taken with my Oppo Find X2Pro?'? With utter respect, that's not something I have added or will ever add to my posts. I don't mean to be difficult, but it's certainly not common on any other platform to do that and I am puzzled why I would need to do it here.
💕
❤️ lotsa love on your continued journey. The universe is plentiful in it's providing. Such a blessing to witness your life experiences.
💕💕💕 Good old HIVE catharsis
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Thank you!!
Alas, it's beyond our power to change the terrible things visited upon us. And this is indeed terrible. I'm glad to know you're finding small morsels of happy and stability. No one can adult 24/7, it's not good for the soul. So find spaces to let yourself feel little. So much love to you and yours <3
You can't remain upset with aged people, I had similar experience yesterday my father was mad at me and already am tired of the village but I can't remain upset with him for any reason we just have to be patient with them.
Beautiful pictures