Three more sleeps, we text each other across the miles. It's been 30 degrees in England and 13 here - this morning is foggy and frosty, the drive into work being a pale white shot through with headlights. On Sunday I'll be cautiously driving up this highway in the dark, on the way to Melbourne Airport to meet Jamie when he comes off his long haul flight via Dubai from Heathrow. We'll suffer through a little awkwardness whilst we readjust to being together, and him to jetlag and being home again.
Last time it was three weeks apart, and we swore we'd never do it again. This time it's been six. Having responsiblity toward family in separate hemispheres, separate countries, is difficult. It requires you to be an adult.
And who needs co-dependency?
When we were yoounger we used to scoff at relationships we judged to be co-dependent. How pathetic, we believed, to depend so much on another person that the edges of yourself begin to dissolve.
I've seen relationships where jealous men prevent girl's nights out, or woman rush home to cook men dinner despite having busy lives themselves. I've seen marriages where one person's emotional needs are put far above the other. I've seen men fall apart when their wives leave them because they're incapable of looking after themselves.
But Co-Dependency is Not Always a Dirty Word
But 'dependency' is part of a marriage. I should be able to depend on him, and him on me.
We try to be reasonably self-sufficient; we respect each other's boundaries and give each other space to be ourselves.
I'm still fiercely - and probably irrationally - determined to do things by myself. I get intensely irritated when he steps in to help me with a lot of things, as if I'm not capable. That's his desire to protect and nurture me - an urge he struggles to curb in the face of my fierceness.
Six weeks apart and I am reminded how much we are dependent on each other - the snuggles to sooth at the end of a bad day, the mechanical issues with the car, the bills, the groceries. We have our roles. Doing them on your own is harder. It's nice to share the load. And those cuddles release a fair whack of oxy.
It's something to celebrate, after so many years together - a strong bond and commitment to each other, the emotional support and stability involved, the deep care and compassion for each other where we feel nurtured and valued.
We don't always get it right, but our partnership is always about balance - we can't compromise personal wellbeing and autonomy, but it must be balanced with caring for each other.
Three more sleeps.
With Love,
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That's exactly what happens after nearly 50 years in a close relationship, and that's why the loss of a partner feels like a part of one is ripped away.
A strong woman (and man) acknowledges the co-dependency which is vital for a long and happy partnership. It's just as important as giving each other space to be yourself.
Enjoy the cuddles, the togetherness, the nurturing, they are immensely precious.
Oh @lizelle , I get it. Mum is about to lose Dad and it breaks my heart. Don't worry stories like yours - and theirs - make us hold on tighter. Jamie's an awful romantic too ... He believes in our marriage like anything and the worse thing for him is the thought of losing me, which is rather sweet.
My heart goes out to all of you, and your Mum especially.
Speaking for myself, it's the absolute worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Your Mum still has to face that battle. Even though she knows, the reality will only hit her when he's gone.
Life can be so fabulous, but also awfully heartbreaking!
Your Mom will have to dig deep to find that inner strength, which I believe we all have, not an easy journey xxx
I feel so sorry for her. And you. Xx
It sounds like you have a pretty great relationship. <3 And no, as I'm sure you know, it don't sound co-dependent at all. That's another one of those words, I think, the ones we've determined to be bad, full stop, but as you say, it doesn't have to be. Go figure we're moving through an era that discourages personal relationships with ideology like "why buy the cow..." (weirdly enough, instead of dying as it should have, it seems to be spreading to women, as well).
From all you've written about him, Jamie sounds like a wonderful person. <3
Ah, he has his flaws haha.. but then so do I. I'm not sure anyone else would put up with us!
I kinda thought of you as I wrote this. Co dependency is one of those must avoid things like toxicity, right?
Yep. I didn't choose to spend my life with my SO just to not be with them.
But the whole adult and family responsibilities thing 🤷♂️
Here's to safe reunions
Thanks.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!
It gets better and better like wine, you both are inspiration for us.
And you us .. you guys have a lovely relationship!
❤️. I get it. 3 more sleeps till I see my love too! It's nice you've found your person.
Oh that's a coincidence! Where have they been then?
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Three more sleeps… soon.
It is funny but it is just like that.
We have been 6 weeks apart last year… it seemed forever. You do realise things then. Living in other countries than family does come with ups and downs. I so know.
Have a nice day 😊
!HUG
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(1/3)Dear @riverflows, you just got hugged. on behalf of @littlebee4.
Aw, I know you know. I don't like being apart that much. We always say never again but sometimes you have to.
No me neither…
Yes, sometimes you just have to. I know already that this year we will be weeks maybe even months apart again. Sooooo not looking forward to it. Especially as I will be here probably alone in the winter… with 3 meters of snow 🫣 ah well… we will see. Sigh.
Soon he is back, enjoy it 🥰
Oh sorry to hear that - I guess a lot of couples are apart due to necessity. At least there's Facetime. Is he in the same time zone? As I find the different time zones tricky.
At least there is a way to communicate.
He won’t be in the same zone, but it will be manageable.
Have a great day!
This was a nice read. How you've come to learn and lean on him and he do you. When you get the taste of that,doing things alone again becomes hard. I am glad you guys care this much for each other. You both are lovely.
Thanks for your lovely comment. Yes, it's harder because we actually like each other!
Awwn, I am really blushing for you two ☺️
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I had no idea the two of you had been apart for this long a time... ♥️
I resonated a lot with this post! Each year I spend a month or two away from my husband to visit my family and help out with their land in another hemisphere. Ultimately we make it work though I know it is hard on my hubby to take care of everything all by himself. When we are reunited again it is nice to have lots to talk about because the rest of the year we work together most of the day and are pretty much always within a few meters of each other day and night.
Wow! Six weeks is a long time! It will be nice to have him home again.
I'm so glad that J is with you now. xxx