I step out of the car and it smells like Christmas. It's March but I'm not in the least surprised. I have done my research on this area of the Sierra Nevadas. The abundance of conifers makes for the heady scent - or if you want the scientific basis for the glorious fragrance - hydrocarbons, specifically pinenes and limonenes combine to bring a rich bouquet of citrus and pine to the air.
I never expected to find myself 17000 kilometres from Durban, the place of my birth, but here I am, some fifty years later, following a tug that pulls me halfway around the world from my current home near London.
I'm still jetlagged, to tell the truth. I've been in the country barely forty-eight hours and, apart from a few hours of sleep, have not stopped since the plane's wheels hit the tarmac in L.A. Today was no different. I spent the day in the San Fernando Valley, with four strangers, braving the rides at Universal Studios. And now, after a final thrilling ride up the mountain pass, I am deposited at the doorstep of my temporary home in the mountains for the next two weeks. I've come here to meet someone and, because I'm searching for something, although right now, I'm not exactly sure what it is. What I don't yet realise is that I first need to make space on my dance card. I will later discover, that the something I am seeking out, has already marked out a permanent spot for Himself and I am destined to meet my Prince at the ball.
Life has a funny way of slowing you down when you need it. When I feel the need to pause and gather my thoughts, I'm drawn to the mountains. Nature beckons and I respond. The elements combine and conspire to mesmerise and re-energise. They ground me when life throws me more curveballs than I am capable of hitting, without being three and out, and headed back to the dugout with nothing to show for my efforts. Being up in the mountains, reconnecting with the earth, gazing out over the panoramic vistas that greet me, the rewards are priceless, and the grounding more intense and healing. It's a gift; this privilege of being privy to a view of creation from a perspective that only serves to fill me with awe. And under the cover of darkness, beauty prevails as the Milky Way burns bright from the inside.
I wake in the morning and get ready for the day. A friend will be fetching me for breakfast and I decide to wait outside in the sunshine. The air is cool and refreshing and the mountain breeze whispers to me of things that have remained unspoken for too long. Arms spread wide, head thrown back, eyes closed, I welcome it in. I imagine my lungs now adorned with the scent of Christmas, and it feels good. I am happy. That's an excellent start!
Just beyond the roadside, a small river flows gently through the remote community, winding its way effortlessly down the mountain. It reminds me of the intrinsic power of nature. Still waters run deep, right? In one instant it can appear so serene, yet still have the life force of blood; and the capacity to direct and carve out its own path in history. I sense a kinship. I'm on my own journey, in search of my own path, but unlike the billions of water droplets in the river, I'm rather keen to look back up towards the source. To understand where I started before I can understand if I end.
As I sit down inside my friend's home, she places another log on the fire. The conversation flows - light and easy as we weave effortlessly around each other. There is a sense of belonging here. This place feels like home. I stare at the glowing embers reflecting off the glass. The flames lick gently around the dry wood, crackling before slowly devouring them. There is a mix of hard and soft timber - logs and kindling - placed just right so that they will burn for some time. I'm a fire sign - born under the constellation of Leo. Maybe that's why I can sit around a firepit for hours, and just be. As I lose myself in the dancing flames, I feel a spark of a different kind igniting something deep within.
The days pass in a whirlwind of deep conversation, joyful laughter, exploration, and a sharing of life. At night I am completely removed from civilisation. No internet, no mobile reception. Just me and the four walls of my room. I read mostly... and I think. There is a lot of time to think, to contemplate... when every distraction of life is removed. I feel myself changing, connecting with something much bigger than myself, but I'm still conflicted. I have a lot of pain and shame to work through; many years of conditioning to unravel. Too much time was spent suffering instead of surrendering. I'm moved to the point of tears. I weep long and hard, but I'm still not quite ready. I leave the mountain two weeks later having followed a trail of breadcrumbs halfway around the world, knowing that somewhere there was a loaf to be found.
There has to be something more than just the elements that make up our world. There has to be something more ethereal that brought meaning to life. I already believe in God, and that belief has never left me, not since I was little, but what was I missing? I know now that I had come face to face with what I was seeking but that the mind is a worthy opponent, not to be underestimated, and it would take another three months before I knew for certain what that something was. They were three very long months.
When I flew out of LAX, I barely made it through security before I collapsed against a wall and sank to my knees in tears. I sobbed and I didn't care who saw. I had a hole in my heart the size of California... and that's pretty big if you know the State. I arrived home with such immense sadness, an emptiness that I couldn't fill because I had left a piece of my heart halfway around the world, but I knew it was in good hands. I missed my new friend. I missed the mountains. And I knew I was missing something else too.
In search of truth, of something that made sense, I went down the rabbit hole and back again... a number of times. One weekend in June I watched a film based on a true story that would turn everything on its head for me... but I was still wrestling with myself and, off the back of that movie, I would end up pulling an all-nighter exploring ... I paged back and forth in the ESV reading passages that made me emotional... and then the crux... The Blessing... a song so beautiful it made me cry. And in that moment I knew... that I would never know enough. Never have enough proof. But it was no longer about proof. It was about how I felt, and the change I had felt from within was undeniable. I felt grounded. At peace. It was enough. I had discovered the fifth element for myself, and Faith would close the remaining gap. I finally realised that I wasn't waiting for Him to open the door. It had been open all along. The light was on and He was simply waiting for me to walk through.
Swift to their several quarters hasted then
The cumbrous elements—Earth, Flood, Air, Fire;
And this ethereal quintessence of Heaven
Flew upward, spirited with various forms,
That rolled orbicular, and turned to stars.
John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book 3
This is my entry for both dreem-wotw: the elements challenge, and Thoughtfuldailypost's first monthly prompt challenge on what grounds us?
Header image by Eduardo Ribas on Canva Pro
Infinity divider created using Canva Pro library.
Dreemport banner used with permission of @dreemsteem and @dreemport and designed by @jimramones
We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow. So...
Thank you!!
Life’s journey can leave us so raw at times! You describe it so well. How amazing that you had those two weeks of talking and reflecting to search deep inside yourself. A rare opportunity!
I can't believe that I haven't replied to a single comment on this post yet :-( I think I missed responding to notifications on two of my posts from a few months ago... I was a bit overwhelmed with a few things off-chain at the time but I am trying to make a comeback :-)
After that first trip to the States, I knew that I would be back over and over again. Connection is so important and one of my dearest humans in the world lives there... so life is about choices, right? I choose to take a break from my everyday life each year to go and spend time enjoying this special friendship that brought me so many more gifts than I could ever have imagined. I am very fortunate that my family understands the importance of this to me and love her as much as I do. I think when we all learn to slow down and take time simply to be with others, life will become so much more joyful for all of us. !LUV
@jayna, @samsmith1971 just sent you LUV. (1/5)
Thanks for sharing something so personal my friend. I kinda see it as.. the answer of faith dwells in the warmth of the brightest ember in our hearts - compassion. There's something so heavenly when we are simply 'still'.. I feel nearer to God when I'm like that. The awesome surroundings which you recently found yourself in, sounds like a good place to just be still. Love to you, the family and your friends.
hey you :-) I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply. I kinda missed notifications on two of my posts from this time. I was a bit preoccupied with other things that were pulling me away from Hive. Thank you for this lovely comment. It's incredibly peaceful and remote up there in the mountains. My favourite place to be. Having someone there who helped me to find my way back to faith was an absolute blessing. Thanks for the love, Merv. Sending it right back to you... I'm currently finding my way back on Hive too lol. Catch you soon x !LUV
@ma3str0, @samsmith1971 just sent you LUV. (2/5)
Something to learn from this post. You are very resilient and hardworking, better days will come. I admire your faith in God, like you said, he has opened the door of help already. Your joy will be made complete
#dreemerforlife
Thank you Adore :-) A few weeks ago I finished my part of what needed to be done with my current challenge. I positioned myself adequately and then surrendered the outcome to Him in prayer. The weight was lifted and now we simply wait. !LUV
@adoore-eu, @samsmith1971 just sent you LUV. (3/5)
This is beautiful and I love the realization that came at the end. Sometimes we fail to see what has been opened for us because of the presence of sadness which has overtaken us.
And, I do agree most with this part, maybe it is because of my love for the sea or more I haven't gotten to know yet. I know and have felt how soothing the water can be and how ferocious it can be in another minute.
Thanks for sharing this.
Hello, dearest dreemer. I hope you are well. Hehe, it is Wednesday. Another day to let your smile flow like a river. I waltzed in from #dreemport for I am an amazing #dreemer. An awesomely made #dreemerforlife.
Thank you, Bali... this reply is a little late... but better late than never, right? Life certainly can be tumultuous in one moment and bring peace in another. Or maybe that is just God's way of shaping us :-) It does take a complete removal of distractions to allow us to find ourselves in the silence and stillness that remains. And that is a beautiful thing. !LUV
Better late than never, init? That's life. It teaches us when we least expect to be taught and continues like that. Shaping and reshaping us as we accumulate experiences on our way.
💗 !Hug (s) xx
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @samsmith1971.
(1/3)
Thanks !luv being a while, I have been hugged. Hehe.
@balikis95, @samsmith1971 just sent you LUV. (4/5)
I love when you go down memory lane in posts,. especially when the memory is tied to mine!! because it's like sitting down with a friend and not just looking at a photo album together but looking at THEIR photos taken...I get to see those memories through their lens and what they chose to cherish and it brings a whole new deeper degree of appreciation for me!!
haha I guess that's kinda the point of the 4 gospels! I never thought of it that way!!! but each one carries the personal touch of each author and what stood out to them most of all hehehe
1/21/31/02... as of the time I hit send on this comment hahahhaa
I love the memories that are tied to you. They are precious and beautiful. And I love this take on the gospels :-) Is this the latest I have ever replied to a message from you?? eek!!! I'm replying to all the comments on this post this evening... finally. I have one other post that I know I need to review and reply to comments. I love you, Ms Dreems. #dreemerforlife #alwaysthebeginning !LUV
Un post increíble gracias por compartir
Gracias por su amable comentario. Espero que tenga un día lleno de bendiciones. !LUV
@rikardonaranjo, @samsmith1971 just sent you LUV. (5/5)
Personal discovery is a journey beyond what we often accept as gospel. Finding yourself in another’s eyes, is a blissful experience, but finding ease and a canvas of togetherness is even greater. You’ve poured your heart out here in the most transparent way; you’ve given us a glimpse of your inner-soul and OMG it’s a very beautiful picture.
Thank you, my Stylish. I love your heart. I write best from a position of authenticity. And you are right, when we find acceptance and unconditional love and friendship in another person, it is a beautiful experience. Finding that in God too is immeasurable. Hey... I miss you! x !LUV
Yay! 🤗
Your content has been boosted with Ecency Points, by @amberkashif.
Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform!
Support Ecency
Vote for new Proposal
Delegate HP and earn more
Thank you @amberkashif and @ecency. This was a blessing x
Sounds like a cool place.
Sounds like irresistible grace.
Sounds like the best day ever~!
Aah Joe! Yep... the coolest place ever. Grace beyond measure. And always... the best day ever. Whenever I leave there, I am already thinking of the next time. I feel so blessed. I know it's only been a week lol but I miss you all !LUV
Beautifully written. I'm not sure I want nor need Faith with a capital F, but there's certainly an openness to the divine in all things which brings meaning to my life.
hi you... I know it's been a while :-( I've been on a bit of a break from Hive... dealing with off-line admin... Life, hey!!! Gonna try make my way back... I need to write and I miss it incredibly. I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do all round!
I found a lot of meaning when I was least expecting it. I feel blessed. I'm glad that you have found meaning in your own life too. !LUV
Oh goodness darling, long time no here from..hope you are okay!!! If you want a story, I wrote a Halloween one this week, but haven't had time for much fiction. Let me know when you write something you want to yo share, I appreciate the heads up as I can barely keep up most days!
You and me both!!!
I'll come check out your blog today !Hug (s)
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @samsmith1971.
(3/3)
I'm so thankful that you found Him ♥️
Sometimes things really do work out in miraculous ways :) ...
!LUV
@samsmith1971, @wrestlingdesires(4/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. Infohehe... and sometimes people with cool user names are sent to nudge us in the right direction... little miracles you all are indeed :-) !LUV
A little nudge never hurts ♥️ The miracle is being in the right place at the right time :)
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL !LUV
@samsmith1971! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @ wrestlingdesires. (2/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want, plus you can win Hive Power (2x 50 HP) and Alive Power (2x 500 AP) delegations (4 weeks), and Ecency Points (4x 50 EP), in our chat every day.
!Hug (s) ... yes THIS! xx
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @samsmith1971.
(2/3)
@samsmith1971, @wrestlingdesires just sent you LUV. (1/5)
An existential exploration with excellent imagery! Keep writing my friend!
Thank you Val! I've been away for a bit but looking to try to tackle the endings to half a dozen drafts in Ecency lol. !LUV
Congratulations @samsmith1971! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 20000 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Thank you, Buzzy :-) I might just write again soon... I guess that is a necessary prerequisite to get replies, right? hehe. Hope you are having a beautiful day !LUV !LOLZ
lolztoken.com
He always wants everything meow.
Credit: reddit
@hivebuzz, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of samsmith1971
(1/6)
ENTER @WIN.HIVE'S DAILY DRAW AND WIN HIVE!
Thanks for being a supporter of The LOLZ Project.
BUY AND STAKE THE PGM TO SEND A LOT OF TOKENS!
The tokens that the command sends are: 0.1 PGM-0.1 LVL-0.1 THGAMING-0.05 DEC-15 SBT-1 STARBITS-[0.00000001 BTC (SWAP.BTC) only if you have 2500 PGM in stake or more ]
5000 PGM IN STAKE = 2x rewards!
Discord
Support the curation account @ pgm-curator with a delegation 10 HP - 50 HP - 100 HP - 500 HP - 1000 HP
Get potential votes from @ pgm-curator by paying in PGM, here is a guide
I'm a bot, if you want a hand ask @ zottone444
You're welcome @samsmith1971! Your engagement with the community is what drives those replies. Keep up the great work and you'll reach your next target in no time. Wishing you a fantastic day as well! 😄
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@wrestlingdesires(2/15) tipped @samsmith1971