A lot of wisdom tends to be buried in humour and Mark Twain was a master at using it. I love the image of the world as the senior and us juniors needing to reign in our expectations of being owed a living.
We had a generation or two where the adults in kids lives couldn’t stand to see their little darlings not get something for just showing up. Participation rewards they were often called. On the surface, that seemed like a good way to encourage kids to participate.
Unfortunately it also had the effect of building expectations in the child that all they had to do was show up and they would receive a benefit. It became a real shock for them when they arrived at the higher levels of education and then out into the work world.
They had to learn, life doesn’t give to you just for showing up. You need to learn and put real effort into what you’re doing to gain rewards. No one is going to give you a participation reward.
No one owes you a feel good.
I see so many with such a sense of entitlement. They feel they have been robbed or cheated of a good life when it’s not handed to them. Everyone else is to blame for their failure to provide for themselves.
People who get that the world doesn’t owe them put in the work and effort to learn and work toward what they want. If their efforts don’t payoff, they study what they need to do to improve and go at it again.
When they do attain what they have been working toward, there is a well deserved sense of entitlement for a job well done. They take personal responsibility for working toward their success and accept their own role in any disappointments they have along the way.
People who don’t put out the effort needed to attain what they want, but expect it anyways. They expect the world, and the people in it, to just give to them.
How often have you seen this on Hive? People posting how they have ‘poured their heart and soul’ into a post and didn’t get the value they should have had.
Really?
Do they realize that value is in their mind?
It’s not actually a quantifiable value they can claim loss on. It doesn’t stop their sense of being entitled to rewards others didn’t see fit to give. Or maybe the post wasn’t seen because the creator didn’t feel the need to get known to others and actually earn their support.
You can write the best content in the world on Hive but if you don’t feel the need to visit others content, to read and leave meaningful comments, how are people going to find your content?
We see entitlement manifest itself in many ways.
I saw it in my young nephew who would explode in rage when he didn’t get help. He hadn’t asked for it, he just expected his need would be seen and filled. It took his mother repeatedly reminding him that those around him were not his servants, he needed to ask for help to receive it.
Don’t get me wrong, the lad can be a very kind and thoughtful person. He just had the idea in his younger days that the world would automatically jump to his aid and give him what he wanted.
Younger generations didn’t just fall out of the womb with their sense of entitlement. We gave it to them. We apparently remembered our own sense of hurt and disappointment when our expectations weren’t met when we were young. We rushed to ‘protect’ our children from those feelings. We avoided the pain of watching a child be disappointed in life.
Changing it is not easy. It means parents grasping the idea that neither they, nor their children, are entitled to anything they don’t work toward. It means the parents supporting their youngsters working toward what they want without jumping in and doing it for them.
It’s painful watching a youngster fail. It can be rewarding to see them encouraged to rise up with the knowledge that failure is temporary if they try again and again to find the path to their goal.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations of what you want from the world. Just remember, it’s your job to make it happen. Not the world’s job to deliver it to you.
Shadowspub is a writer from Ontario, Canada. She writes on a variety of subjects as she pursues her passion for learning. She also writes on other platforms and enjoys creating books you use like journals, notebooks, coloring books etc.
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Exactly! Show up and earn it but learn to accept disappointments too. This is really what everyone needs to understand...
You see, I also used to have that mindset of entitlement and I would always get angry when things didn't work out my way, but for my peace of mind and growth, I learned to get over it.
Yes, I couldn't agree more!
Thanks for sharing this.
You used to get angry at yourself? Bet that didn't work real well... glad you've worked it out. I get the sense there are a lot of people out there who get angry when they don't get what they think they deserve and are totally unaware they are really angry with themself while lashing out at the world.
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This is so insightful.
It's like saying que Sera Sera
I never believed that phrase.
I believe if it's would be, then it's up to you.
The phrase reminds us that when you've done what you can and something just doesn't work out, that letting be can be freeing. Often the space you give yourself letting be, can get filled with new ideas to try. Ideas usually have a heard time finding space in a frustrated mind.
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STOPThank you for this post! I believe it all starts in the home where parents are the teachers. Yes, a parent may want to "protect" their child from the hurt, but that will eventually hurt the child. Our children, when they were old enough (that means they could walk well enough), were expected to obey and were expected to help out around the house. We taught them that while we loved them unconditionally, since they were a part of our family, they were expected to contribute. Yes, it was age appropriate, starting with helping to pick up their toys. But as they grew stronger and were more coordinated, their responsibilities grew.
I don't want to brag, but that is why our children were sought out by others to help with watching young children and now with doing any type of job. Teach them to work and their employers will love you!
It's not always a guarantee (work politics and all), but it does pay off.
teaching a child responsibility is always a win. Not only for future employers but in any area of their life. They know if things are going to get done, they have to do their part.
Agreed. I know they may get discouraged when others around them are doing little to nothing and end up getting ahead - because of the politics at work - but in the long run, hard work will pay off.
We wouldn't be where we are without working hard.Just think,Hive was created from steem,things didn't go the way it was suppose to go.So it split in 2.Our Parents worked hard to put a roof over our heads and food in our mouth's.clothes on our back.The money to buy these items came from somewhere.There are those that have been fed with the forgivable silver spoon.But it was there parents who worked there butts off to give them that pleasure. Ppl complain it's our nature.Since covid everyone sits at home cause the companies found it easier to "work from home".The lifestyle has now changed.Everything we have at our disposal was made by someone who worked hard.
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the creation of Hive was a prime example of someone who thought he was entitled to something that wasn't his.
Justin Sun bought a blockchain development company and thought he should own the community thriving on the blockchain. The community had different ideas.
From the current condition of Steem, it appears his sense of entitlement continues to do harm.
Maybe. I share the youngster frustration. It can be very painful when a little thoughtfulness on the part of a guardian is all that is required rather than asking for a need.
Pretty hard to be thoughtful when there is literal walls between where the parent stood and where the kid expecting her to know he needed her help was.
His sense of entitlement and subsequent frustration and anger at her not coming to his aid had to be stopped before that little boy grew up into an entitled angry young man.
He knew better. I gave him a task to do one day and when he threw a temper tantrum at his sister for not jumping to his aid I let him burn out his tantrum and then commented to him that he must be awful tired after all that tantrum. He cautiously responded that he was. I commiserated with him and then informed him he still had the task to complete and oh, his sister was not his slave to be screamed at. I walked back to what I was doing and after a few minutes I heard a polite request to his sister for some help, which she did.
Teaching a child to ask for help also teaches them to later stand up for their needs in the adult world. Not to mention, learning to treat people with more respect.
Kudos. I learnt from your method.
Ugh, I love candid pieces like this. Succinct and straight to the point.
Having everything handed to you is a disaster.
I've seen and interacted with children and adults who grew up in communities that fostered such a mentality. The sad part? They don't even notice how their futures are being being eroded. I could go on and on.
Let's hope we can hold ourselves to higher standards.