What would you do if you were in her shoes?
Hi everyone, good evening. I hope you’re all doing quite well.
I heard a story this afternoon that really provoked my thoughts, and despite thinking so hard about it, I can’t seem to arrive at a rational conclusion. Maybe because I am yet to get to that stage of life. So, I decided to present it to you so I'd view it from different lenses.
So, there’s this woman who has been at the receiving end of negative and abusive words all her life. These words have come at her from every angle.
From her parents, she hears, “Who do you even resemble? You didn’t take any of the good genes at all.”
From her so-called friends, she hears, “Your nose is so big, it has taken up 70% of your face space. Don’t worry, I’m just joking.”
And when she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t see her reflection; all she sees is one word, "UGLY."
To make matters worse, she hardly has guys asking her out, wanting to date her, or even getting to know her, and of course, she blames it on how ugly she is.
One time, she dressed up for a friend’s wedding as one of the bridesmaids. She even had makeup on, took some pictures, and gathered the courage to post them online. But rather than the warm and nice compliments she had hoped to get, she read words like, “Wow, I’ve never seen someone this ugly,” “Is this real? Someone actually looks like this?” “This post is an eyesore. Take it down.”
As she was about to do just that, she got a DM that said, “I think you look beautiful. You have the most radiant and genuine smile I’ve ever seen.”
And thus began her love story with, let’s call him, Mr. A.
Mr. A is a doctor who lived quite far from her, so their relationship began as long-distance. But they video-called at every chance they got, which means Mr. A saw how she looked when she woke up, ate, or even when her hair looked like a bird’s nest. They eventually met physically, and she was blown away by how handsome Mr. A was in real life. We’re talking 6’5”, well-tanned, chiseled jawline type of guy.
Months later, they got married, and although he remained a faithful and loving partner, whenever they got into an argument, he never wasted a chance to call her ugly. “See how you look older than your age.” “Get your ugly body out of my face.” “Have you forgotten that I didn’t marry you for your looks?”
After all these, the man would come back and apologize, telling her how much he loved her, and of course, she would forgive him.
One day, suggestively, he said, “Babe, why don’t you get some beauty procedures done?”
And she took the suggestion. From her nose to her lips, to her face shape, to her eyes, her neck, and her body; she changed EVERYTHING.
Dramatically, her life took a 360° turn afterward. People started treating her nicely, even her bosses at work were more interested in her opinions. Men started asking her out, and along the line, she met this guy who wanted to get to know her (he didn’t know she was married). He said the nicest things and gave her the nicest gifts.
Despite the fact that she had made it clear to the guy that she only had a platonic friendship to offer (while managing to leave out the fact that she was married), the guy drew closer to her anyway.
One day, she and her husband had a fight, and he said, “Don’t forget I made you what you are today. Do you even recognize yourself when you look in the mirror? Don’t let all this beauty deceive you.”
Now, here’s the deal: she’s considering exploring her connection with this other guy and leaving her husband.
MY TAKE ON THIS
In a very short, simple sentence; the problem from the start has ALWAYS been her low self-esteem. I get that it’s hard to develop a high self-esteem when even the people who birthed you have called you ugly in so many ways, but her marriage foundation has been shaky from the start. She got married in a “Look, everyone! I bagged the finest guy that calls me beautiful” kind of way.
And whilst I can’t decide whether Mr. A truly loves her or not, I can say for certain that he knows low self-esteem is her weakness and repeatedly exploits it. If I am to assume, I would say Mr. A simply married her because she possessed the qualities he wanted in a wife. Plus, she has a great, stable job, a senior staff at a Fortune 500 company. That’s a trophy wife, except for the looks part, of course.
He is also obviously very desperate to control her, which further strengthens my assumption as to why he married her.
Anyway, over to you. I’d really love to read your take on this. What do you think?
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I don't think Mr A ever loved her sha. Someone who loves you wouldn't think to exploit your seeming weaknesses or issues that you have had to deal with even before you met them. Mr A just saw a chink in her armor and did not fail to take the chance to exploit her, to control her and to feel responsible for the praises she would receive after getting beauty procedures.
And leaving her husband for a guy who would probably not have looked at her twice if he had met her before she got surgery done, i don't know? Seems like she also did not love Mr A from the start. She probably thought she loved him because of the validation she received from him when others were bashing her. It's a paradox really and I don't think I would be in the best position to pass a judgment on this.