Torments | Tormentos
When I was a child, I suffered a lot of things, I don't know where to start so here I go!
My parents divorced when I was 11 years old, I am not the typical girl who suffered because they were not together, I knew it was the best and it was for the happiness of both, what I suffered after they divorced, were things that tormented my mind, among them I came to want to achieve perfection, my mother did not place much attention to me, Unfortunately the things that I saw as progress, she saw everything as failures, I just wanted to do everything as best as possible and no one helped me, from there I learned to do things alone and that they were well done, I did not want more scoldings from her and that she would break a pencil in my head again. There were fights before the divorce process, mom was the abusive one and always had anger problems, she would kick my dad, and she didn't care that it affected me, dad left the house with his things in the middle of the night, I said goodbye to him with sadness, he always was and has been there for me in everything. I never knew why my mother always wanted to check my phone, I only earned insults and scorn, I went to sleep with the phone hidden and talking to my dad as little as I could and full of interrogations. The thing about this situation is that I then suffered some sort of manipulation from my mom and dad. My dad would tell me that my mom didn't love me, that it wasn't fair that she treated me like that, among other things and it was true. But there were a lot of things with which he brainwashed me, that made me feel strange because I no longer knew how to differentiate between truth, lies, sarcasm and jokes, as for my mother, I only received scorn and victimization from her, everything was yelling, running away, hitting, threats, here where I live, these things were normalized, and people sometimes do not look at how much these behaviors can affect me. They practically made me a doll based on their demands, and that I believed that material things were only love; nowadays it is very hard for me to express myself, and to feel empathy, I feel that everything should just happen and that's it, in these situations my refuges were the series and online games simulators, drawing also helped me a lot, I guess that from these situations I like to draw fantasy things, things out of the ordinary, they are a refuge from the present.
Another situation for which I suffered a lot was my appearance, my family was the one who criticized my appearance, I remember being fat and crying in front of the mirror because the clothes did not fit me as I wanted, I did not have the body of the other girls, and I was only 9 years old in this case, I stopped eating a lot and I lost a lot of weight, until I entered high school where I regained my appetite, but I felt really bad about myself. I have to tell you that one of my favorite parts of my body are my breasts, they began to grow rapidly when I was 9 years old, therefore, I got stretch marks, and they were a cross for me, I remember that an uncle told me to cover up because "I had breasts like a woman who had just given birth" because of my stretch marks, That was an atomic bomb for my self-esteem, after that I took a great pleasure to not show my breasts and use normal shirts and lots of sweaters, at present, I am learning to use strapless shirts and I look very beautiful, and the stretch marks are not an impediment, we all have stretch marks, and it is completely normal.
What conclusion can I give you from my previously discussed experiences?
● Everyone has a different way of learning.
●Don't get carried away with comments that you don't know if they happened or not, because you weren't there to know.
●With your body you have to feel good is with yourself, enjoy yourself, you are beautiful.
●You say you don't like something about yourself? Well then highlight in you what you like the most, complement yourself and you will see that with time you will love certain features of you ❤.
●Don't let anyone walk all over you.
●Draining yourself and draining everything you feel is so good for your mental health!
I really appreciate you taking the time to read me dear Hivers, these are things that have been very strong for me even if it doesn't seem like it, and most briefly summarized because to remember, would be to relive many things I have moved on from!
Thank you very much! ❤ I hope you have a beautiful day today❤.
Cuando yo era una niña, sufrí muchas cosas, por las cuales no se por donde empezar así que, aqui voy!
Mis padres se divorciaron cuando yo tenia 11 años, no soy la típica chica que sufría porque no estuvieran juntos, sabía que era lo mejor y era por la felicidad de ambos, por lo que sufrí luego que se divorciaron, fueron cosas que me atormentaban la mente, entre ellas llegue a querer alcanzar la perfección, mi madre no me colocaba mucha atención, y quería que me notara y viera mis logros, por desgracia las cosas que yo veia que eran un progreso, ella lo veia todo como fallas, yo solo queria hacer todo lo mejor posible y nadie me ayudaba, desde ahi aprendí a hacer las cosas sola y que me quedaran bien hechas, no quería mas regaños de ella y que me volviera a romper un lápiz en la cabeza. Hubieron peleas antes del proceso del divorcio, mamá era la abusiva y siempre tuvo problemas de ira, le lanzaba patadas a mi papá, y no le importaba que eso me afectara, papá se fue de la casa con sus cosas en plena madrugada, lo despedí con tristeza, el siempre estuvo y ha estado para mi en todo. Nunca supe el por qué mi madre siempre quería revisarme el teléfono, solo me ganaba insultos y desprecios, llegué a dormir con el teléfono escondido y hablando con mi papá lo poco que podía y llena de interrogaciones. La cuestión de esta situación es que luego sufrí alguna especie de manipulación por parte de mi mamá y de mi papá. Mi papa me decía que mi madre no me quería, que no era justo que me tratara así, entre otras cosas y era verdad. Pero hubieron un montón de cosas con las que me lavaba el cerebro, que me hicieron sentir extraña pues ya no sabia diferenciar entre la verdad, la mentira, el sarcasmo y las bromas, en cuanto a mi madre, solo recibía desprecios y victimizacion de su parte, todo eran gritos, fugadas, golpes, amenazas, aqui en donde vivo, estas cosas se normalizaron, y las personas a veces no miran lo mucho que pueden afectar estos comportamientos. Me hicieron practicamente una muñeca a base de sus exigencias, y que creyera que lo material solo era amor; hoy en día me cuesta muchísimo expresarme, y sentir empatía me cuesta, siento que todo solo debe pasar y ya, ante estas situaciones mis refugios fueron las series y los juegos online de simuladores , el dibujo también me ayudo mucho, supongo que a partir de estas situaciones me gusta dibujar cosas de fantasía, cosas fuera de lo común, son un refugio del presente.
Otra situación por la cual sufrí muchisimo fue por mi apariencia, mi familia era quienes mas criticaban mi apariencia, recuerdo estar gorda y llorar frente al espejo porque la ropa no me quedaba como yo queria, no tenia el cuerpo de las demás niñas, y a penas tenia 9 años en este caso, dejé de comer bastante y adelgace mucho, hasta entrar en la secundaria donde retome mi apetito, pero me sentía realmente mal conmigo. He de decirles que una de mi parte favorita de mi cuerpo son mis senos, me comenzaron a crecer rápidamente a los 9 años, por ende, me salieron estrías, y fueron una cruz para mi, recuerdo que un tío me dijo que me tapara porque "Tenía los senos como una mujer que recién acaba de dar a luz" por mis estrias, eso fue una bomba atómica para mi autoestima, a partir de ello le tomé el enorme gusto a no enseñar mis senos y utilizar camisas normales y muchísimos suéters, en el presente, estoy aprendiendo a utilizar camisas de tirantes y se me ven muy hermosas, y las estrias no son impedimento alguno, todas tenemos estrías, y es completamente normal.
¿Que conclusión les puedo dar por mis experiencias previamente comentadas?
● Todos tienen una distinta manera de aprendizaje.
●No dejarse llevar por comentarios que no sabes si sucedieron o no, porque no estuviste allí para saberlo.
●Con tu cuerpo te tienes que sentir bien es contigo misma, disfrutate, eres hermosa.
●¿Dices que no te gusta algo de ti? Pues entonces resalta en ti lo que mas te gusta, complementate y verás que con el tiempo amaras ciertas características tuyas ❤
●No dejes que nadie te pisotee.
●Desahogarse y drenar todo lo que sientes es muy bueno para tu salud mental!
Realmente aprecio que se hayan tomado el tiempo de leerme queridos Hivers, estas son cosas que han sido muy fuertes para mi aunque no lo parezca, y lo mas brevemente resumido porque recordar, sería revivir muchas cosas en las cuales he avanzado!
Muchas gracias! ❤ espero tengan un bello día hoy❤.
Thank you for reading me, i really need it, see you later Hivers✨
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