I do not like to fit people into boxes. Non-living things, yeah. Animals, maybe. But never people. Because I do believe in our complexity. In the fact that we aren’t linear creatures, and therefore should not be subjected to behavioural fits and boxes. We change. We evolve. We grow. And patterns in our behaviour change with each evolution.
And so, I decided to answer the February Inleo prompt for today, in a bid to prove that we really are more than these little boxes. At least, I am.
Are you silent or expressive when angry?
I remember a time when I was seven, and my sister and I had forgotten to wash the clothes my Mom asked us to wash and instead sat all day in front of the TV, only remembering when we heard the car horn blaring, signalling that my parents were back. We were flogged seriously that day, and afterwards, my parents drove out again. My sister and I thought we were unjustly treated. I remember simmering with anger as I washed, and then I began to sing.
I sang in anger. And my sister joined in. That day was the day we created our first song. Oh, it was actually our second song but the first is another story. We sang with vigour and soon enough, we forgot we were angry, or rather, our anger dissipated and we soon began to form lyrics that would make our song even more beautiful.
Then I remember a day I felt wronged by my Dad. It was extra hurtful whatever he may have said that day because at the time, I considered him my closest friend. So, I sat down on the couch in my room, took a book and began to write a poem. It’s been way more than a decade but I still remember the title I gave it. It was my first poem, and I called it. “Strewn From Hurt.” I remember feeling extra proud of myself because I’d learnt strewn from a novel that day, and I was glad for the chance to use it. I was using it wrongly. But it sounded just right then.
Then I remember a time I got angry because someone had accused me of something, and a friend who should have known better, not only did not defend me, but also agreed with the accuser on whatever it was. I was livid beyond belief. And I remember sitting on my bed in my secondary school dormitory and plotting. Plotting how to revenge against everyone. I don’t think I’d ever been so silent. I was still and silent, and while the hairs on my skin stood from all the emotions reverberating through it, I just plotted how I would do my own back.
I never got to do any of the things I planned. Maybe because I forgot I ever thought of those things. But at the time, it pleased my heart and lessened my anger just thinking of them.
There was another situation were I began to cry. Angry tears are usually the worst in my opinion because they are the most painful. You’re so angry, the tears are hot and bitter, and it physically hurts you to let them out. I’ve been in quite a number of those situations, and I remember having to take deep breaths to calm myself down, just so the tears could flow. It felt like I was drowning in a pool of pain and my body kept yelling at me to make it stop.
Then, there’s screaming. How lovely the gift of screaming it out and sending the pain away potentially through your screams. Infuriated beyond belief, I scream hard into my pillow. I’ve never been in an environment where screaming would come without a repercussion. Whether in my family house, or in a dorm, or living besides neighbours. So, pillow screaming works just fine. Lol.
I don’t think I’m the only one who has ever expressed anger in more than one form. So, it isn’t enough to be restricted to either being silent or expressive when angry. I don’t think I’ve been seriously angry since this year began. This year has already been filled with far too many smiles, I’m getting used to a life devoid of anger. And I honestly hope it lasts.
Jhymi🖤
P.S: I used this title cause of something my Dad said once concerning anger. That it's like throwing a stone into a still pond. That the ripples caused by the stone disturbs its calmness, but we have a choice whether to throw in another stone or let the ripples settle. Sweet.
Image is mine.
Posted Using INLEO
Nice, I also agree with you. Just like me I react differently each time I'm angry depending on who wronged me and how painful it is
Your dad's illustration with the ripple effect was very clever indeed. We learn everyday and we grow in so many ways.