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I was roaming through the platform yesterday just so I could get acquainted with some things in this platform when I came across a contest prompt by @hive-naija and the number two questions of the prompt struck me;
📝 If and when I raise children, I'll never... Share what your dream child-raising would never include, whether you have kids now or not. If you're living the dream already, still share with us.
Although my profession has made me encounter different kinds of children from different backgrounds and upbringings one thing I always say to myself is that, Raising children, or rather parenting is one responsibility that I regard as delicate not just because we are dealing with mini-version of ourselves but because a failed parenting is a failed family and in large the society as such, we still have people who still take courses on how parenting should or should not be and because people want to make it right when it comes to parenting because of their experiences or society, they pay huge amount of money to get it right with their parenting skills and the truth is we never can exhaust it because we are dealing with different children.
I know my parents are not the best but one thing I can not lie about is that they both did everything within their power to make sure they brought me up in the right way even though they still did have lapses and still do but when I hear other people's story about how their parenting was, I can not help but be grateful that in some part they got it right with myself and my siblings because parenting isn't for the fainted heart or the weak.
So, learning from my parent's mistakes and society's experiences about what parenting was all about back then, I am making a conscious effort to be sure I make it right when I finally get to have kids of my own. If and when I raise children there are a few things I will never do
I will never be a father whose children can not approach him due to fear of being queried or scolded, this I am saying from my personal experience, my dad was the type that queries you on every little thing, as a result, we his children often kept our distance and this has over time lead to we especially myself and my dad having a relatively poor relationship especially when it comes to the communication aspect. Looking back on my experiences with him when I was quite young, and how it has affected my relating with him, I don't wish to have such with my children and I wish I could work on making my communication with my father better.
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If and when I raise children, I will never talk down on them, although never had such personal experiences with my parents but I have witnessed and heard parents talking down on their kids and this over time affects the children's self-esteem or self-confidence leading to low self-esteem in the life of their children, this is one thing I see on a basis thanks to my job.
Their words and their actions get to these children which leads to these kids getting affected negatively and if not sorted out, go with them into the future, making them feel low about themselves and this also leads to the child trying everything possible to please their parents and eventually do what they shouldn't be because they want their parents to be proud of them, they want to get to the standard or level where their parents will stop talking down on them and pulling their self-confidence down.
They end up feeling they are not good enough since their parents talk down on them and will end up settling for less even naturally because they believe anyone who is a friend to them is doing them a favour, they end up living a shadow of themselves and gets withdrawn while some resort to bullying those who they feel is better than them or have all they should have.
If and when I raise children, I will never be a parent who imposes career paths on their kids, it is quite a thing of concern having parents do that, the funny thing is, I am a victim of this parenting style, although I had a better childhood experience but my parents just couldn't let me follow my dream, the good thing is, they recognized my skills, talents, and interest yet they discouraged and ignored them and pushed me into something they felt was better off because they can not watch their kids toil their path and because they wanted children who they could brag about, children who were doing the white collar jobs.
Learning from that mistake, I am not sure I would want to toil that path with any of my kids, I will make sure to recognize their skills, talents, and interests, engage them more in that, and encourage and support them to go that path if that is what they choose to do as a career. I will be here to give them advice when they come running to me and not impose on them anything they do not want.
When I was growing up, I loved drawing, especially landscapes, thinking about how such a hobby is dead, I feel my parents should have encouraged me at it in any way possible, but they didn't not and even went as far as restricting me from drawing, because they didn't think it would amount to anything great in the future, most times when I think about my drawing, I do imagine what I would have achieved and how far I would have fone with that skill on a long rum if I had gotten encouragement or support from them, although I do not hold it against them because that was their definition of parenting and love for their kids, but for me, I will never ignore my child's interest, skill or talent, I will make sure to recognize it and help them build on it, regardless of if it is going to be just a hobby or a career path in the future.
We all can agree that in Nigeria now, having more than one skill is the jinx, so if one is not pushing you use the other to scale through.
This is my first entry to Hive Naija Weekly Prompt | Edition 37
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