A year ago, after school lectures, I was walking home with some of my frinends; we had a long chat as we walked side by side. At a point in our conversation, I gave a reply to a lady and I noticed that her countenance had changed but I didn't care. I believed what I said was right. Immediately, a guy amongst us said I shouldn't have replied her that way, he said I was being harsh. To me, it seemed right to have given her a reply she deserved.
One fateful day, I was walking home with same set of friends; and something like that happened again and the same guy that once told me that my reply was harsh, said to me "be careful of what you say" I pretended as if I didn't hear him but couldn't get it off my mind. I got home and was thinking about it. After a long series of thoughts that lasted for about a week, I realised that my words are not seasoned with grace. I speak exactly as I feel and do not care about the emotions of the person I am talking to, especially to ladies. You know ladies are more emotional than guys, they are fragile being... I was not a fan of that, I treat all female like guys. In fact, I hated the fact that we have to be nicer to ladies, I mean we are all humans so why should the females be treated with extras.
Just that sentence from that guy made me realise a lot. Gradually, I began to adjust. I learnt from how my guys relate to ladies around and I was getting better. My female friends said countless times that I am becoming nice with words and more romantic. They used to call me Paul, like in the Bible who doesn't sugar coat at all.
One other thing that changed about me only because someone else called my attention to it was my facial expression. Personally, I believe my face does not immediately reflect exactly how I think or feel. There have been countless occasions where a friend would say something and because somehow what the person said or did is not really my thing or something I can accept, my facial expression changes immediately.
Now, here is the problem.... You know how we extend special graces and permission to our friends, yeah. A typical example is this, one time a friend ate a food that I had kept, he assumed that I was not going to eat it again. I left for school and could have bought something when I was hungry but I chose to not buy because I have something waiting for me at home . I got home tired and ready to devour the food I kept but I didn't see the food I kept. I asked him and said he had eaten it because he thought I wasn't going to eat. I kept a very serious face and he kept saying that he was sorry. After a while, I said it's fine. He kept on saying he was sorry after I told him that's it's fine. I told him again, "it's fine" then he aid your face is still saying "I'm angry".
That wasn't the first or the 15th time such would happen, when my face is saying opposite of what I feel. My heart has changed because he are the food only because he was hungry but I guess my mindset of not eating someone else's food without permission did not condone what my friend did, hence, my face was still expressing anger.
Other times, in a situation when I am suppose to show empathy or pity to a person, my face my just be straight but I truly sympathize with the person. Now, I am conscious of how my face trying to force it to look like whatever I feel, though it's not easy.
It is great and very helpful when you can view things from more than one perspective. Just because you are you doesn't mean you know everything about yourself, no matter how hard we try we can't be perfect. A friend of mine usually say we humans are myopic. Means we naturally see and interpret based on what we see and think, just around us. We do not try to see from another people's angle or perspective. Some of the best of us will come from others impact, love, idea and correction. Corrections can be hard to accept, we might want to fight it but until we sit and dig deep in thought before we realise if it's valid one or not.
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Ah ah so you don't know ladies are very soft emotionally, only small shout and I'll start crying lol. Thank God say you dey treat ladies nicer now oo😂😂
Anyways it's nice that you accepted your flaws and you're working to be better at it. No one is perfect
At a point, I knew but didn't want to accept it because I thought It was an excuse to treat them better than male.
Ahhh...i had to learn o😂😂
Thank God 😂
Your former attitude of being harsh to ladies must have been triggered by something. Btw, it's not about treating ladies alone nicely, it's treating everyone nicely no matter the gender. It's good to know you have changed.
For your facial expression sha. When we talk about empathy, it's puting oneself in the same shoe and imagining how you'll feel if it were you. I think your expression will change easily without being forced. 😁
Yeah, I think it was triggered by something, though I can't remember exactly what it was. My expression might not change though I sincerely understand how the other person feels.
Thank you for engaging.🤗
Its glad to know you treat people nicer especially the ladies, but for me I think both men and women should be treated equally. Having an I don't care attitude towards people feeling isn't a good one and people who are like you should try to change just as you have. Thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed reading through
I thought same way too but I later learnt that ladies need soft and more emotional approach than men.
I'm glad you enjoyed reading this blog. Thank you for engaging here.