Person: "Call 911"
frantically punches numbers on the phone
ANSWER: "Thank you for calling 911. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. Please have your security provider insurance available so we may best identify someone in your network. If you have not selected a primary security provider this will take longer and you will have an additional copay that must be paid before the dispatch can occur. Thank you."
Person: "They have guns, and machetes and are kicking in my front door, hurry..."
hold music
Person: "They are in, oh god they just chopped my dog's head off... please hurry"
ANSWER: "If you would like to continue to hold please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received. To leave a message for call back press 1 now."
ANSWER: "Thank you for holding, my name is Andrew. Could you please tell me your security provider insurance number now?"
ANSWER: "Hello, can you hear me?"
ANSWER: "Hello."
ANSWER: "I am sorry I cannot hear you and must disconnect this call. If you still need assistance please consider using a different phone line and calling us back."
click, and dead air