I came from a tribe where every situation of life has a distinct proverb, phrase, or clause attached to it, but then that's a topic for another day. There is a common saying in my tribe that says, "Not everything anger destroys, and also, it's not everything anger rectifies." I don't know a better way to put that, but I hope you understand what I meant. Anger is one important factor in human life that we can't do without. Even the most patient person on earth gets angry, too, when pushed to the limit. As humans, we all have our limit of tolerance; no matter how tolerable a person is, someday he or she will get tired of being silent and just unleash the anger, although it might not be as often as some do.
I was once being controlled by anger, I knew what it meant to have anger issues. I get angry over every insignificant thing that might seem irrelevant to others. That mistake or word someone sees as irrelevant is very relevant to me, and then it just turns on the fiery furnace of anger in me. During that period, it cost me lots of things, and that's why I never had any friends. I am not tolerant, I hate what most people love, and vice versa, so many see me as a sadist because my way of life is just so different from others. Upbringing, at times, affects a child psychologically, and this is what most parents fail to understand. Well, I will talk about that next time.
The reason why I said anger is a factor in human life is because it is a natural emotional response to perceived threats, frustration, or injustice that, in some cases though. Anger itself is not bad, how it is expressed or managed determines whether it is constructive or destructive. In a situation where one can't control the anger, it is what leads to conflicts, damaged relationships, and health problems in response to the rapid heartbeat and adrenaline rush when one is angry. I've seen people who get angry and lose themselves in the process, but I can say the consequences of that are not always good.
Anger management
Controlling one's anger might be a bit difficult, especially for someone whose anger is always overboard. This is someone who doesn't care about the consequences of his or her actions at that particular time. The only message being processed or passed to the brain at that time is destroyed, and until he or she completely ruins everything, there is nothing like being calm. That's the worst of all because things destroyed at that time might not be rectified, such as relationships, friendships, broken bonds, and the like.
In my journey to control my anger, I took some steps that worked for me. First is identifying my triggers, getting to recognize people, situations, and words that get me annoyed. When I notice these things, I excuse myself from any gathering that can infuriate me and cause me to get angry. A scenario happened while I was in secondary school. We were sitting in class then, and there was a discussion where some girls were talking bad about another girl who happened to be their friend. They were all laughing about it, and immediately they saw her coming, they changed the topic and immediately switched to friendly mode. I was surprised and, at the same time, annoyed that they would do such to their friend. I couldn't control my anger; immediately, I lashed out at them and asked them to repeat every single word they said in her absence; at that time, they were all looking at me like a psychopath, but I just couldn't take it. I ended up telling the girl all they said about her and that ruined their friendship.
I was advised to always stay clear out of things like that, and I was told to leave such a gathering if I couldn't bear with their discussion instead of ruining their relationship, but then I was glad I did that because it made the girl realize the kind of people she relied on.
The second management skill that worked for me is taking time out. Just as I stated earlier, to avoid reacting to things, I always leave the scene quietly. Instead of getting angry and sparking out a reaction I always walk away. Although people see walking away as a sign of weakness it is so necessary for someone that doesn't want his or her anger to get him or her into trouble.
Another management skill that worked for me in a case where I can't walk out is keeping quiet, even though I am boiling with anger, I learned to keep quiet because any decision taken or words said in anger don't always end well. Before learning to control my anger, I said absurd and weird things when angry; at that period, I was uncontrollable no matter who stopped me. At one point, it was causing me mental stress; my brain was now programmed to react to every little thing; then I realized I couldn't continue living that way if I wanted a happy life for myself and the bright future that I've always wanted. I realised I needed to work on myself which I did.
Listening to music is one other management skill I engaged in. Instead of reacting, I would rather listen to music, and in the process, if I'm in a place where I can sleep, I will just sleep off. By the time I wake up, I'd let go of everything; I don't let anger stay in me for a long period because it will only accumulate negative thoughts in me, and I always avoid it at all costs. Music is a good antidote for anger, soul music, to be precise; it heals every wound and lightens up the mood. This is the reason why I love listening to the blues genre of music, which is my favorite.
And lastly, for anger issues that become uncontrollable, therapy is the best option. Get professional advice that would help put you on the right track to sane mental health and healthy living with people likewise lessons on building strong relationships with people around one's life. Anger, when properly managed, helps set boundaries, resolve issues, and motivate positive changes. Anger is normal, excessive anger is an enemy of progress, and getting angry when frustrated isn't a crime. Managing it to avoid escalating is important. Excessive or uncontrollable anger costs one more great opportunities than it gives.
Thanks for your time and your comments will be appreciated.
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Its really difficult to control anger. Its nice that you realize your anger issues and put in efforts to control it.
Don't just post and go, kindly leave comments in other people's post too. Lets all support each other.
I've actively engaged in others posts and thanks for your kind comment
I understand that controlling anger can be a very big issue. Sometimes we get angry not because of the current situation but because of what wee are going through that we don't even tell others. So I understand that therapy is very important as well as doing the things that would make us happy.
Exactly
Keeping quiet always work for me. Sometimes we don't get to control the words that get out of my our mouth when the heart is boiling in anger, so it's better to keep quiet and never let the intended 'simple' words to be out