The alarm went off at 5am. I woke and rubbed the sleep from my eyes even whilst questioning my decision to wake up so early. But wake I did and as I dressed my enthusiasm built; A sunrise over water was not something I got to experience where I lived and so I looked forward to a resplendent sunrise of rich colours and that glorious moment when I'd feel the first rays of the day reaching out to touch my face. I'd constructed it so perfectly in my mind - I was excited to get to watch the day begin.
The early wake-up was designed to leave enough time to brew a coffee, the smell of which perked me up a little. I set off, coffee in hand, towards the water to sit and watch the miraculous vibrant sunrise that would be so beautiful and totally perfect this morning.
I found a spot on the rocks and sat down to await natures splendour and to sip my delicious coffee. I had snacks too, trail-bars, which I chomped into between sips of coffee. The glory and splendour of it all, I thought to myself as I waited for the sunrise perfection that would soon unfold before my eyes. I waited expectantly.
A little later, coffee gone, snacks just crumbs on my vest and eyes a little droopy with sleep it began. This is it, I thought...Oh how glorious! But glorious it was not...It was nice for sure, but glorious? Hmm, maybe I should have just stayed in bed and got those hours of sleep because this wasn't what I would call glorious.
The sunrise fail
I was a little disappointed with the sunrise; How dare it not meet my expectations? The colour wasn't quite as vibrant as I had imagined it. The sky didn't glow with reds, oranges and purples as I had assumed. The sun didn't caress my face with its golden-red rays - It didn't herald the day in a glorious display of colour and light. There was a little colour sure, but I felt cheated and a little dejected - All that lost sleep for this?
I was already there of course so I took some photos anyway and as I moved about trying to capture some colour, get some reflections on the still ocean, I started to warm to what I was actually seeing; I began to understand the moment and the remarkable beauty of it despite the sunrise not living up to my initial expectations. I also began to feel ashamed of my initial feelings of ingratitude and as that feeling spread through me I felt enlightened, just as the day became enlightened around me. It was glorious after all.
I saw the sunrise differently from then; I saw it for what it is; A gift of time and a new beginning. In truth, the first day of the rest of my life. A moment in which I could make choices and decisions and I chose to do both...To see the beauty before me regardless of that beauty not being what I had at first thought it would be...And to change my attitude and open up to what lay before me, the vision, the beauty and the day ahead...My future. I decided to live in the moment, to make it valuable and special - The way all of life's moments should be.
I watched
I watched a tuna boat heading out to harvest a catch, the wake from its bow slowly making its way to the shore, ripples catching a little colour from the rising sun; It's crew was probably oblivious to the sunrise as they prepared for a day's work - I revelled in it.
I watched the seabirds wheel overhead as they rose to find their morning meal their calls sounding optimistic...Most followed the tuna boat knowing there was a bountiful harvest to be found there as the crew baited the waters around them - I wished I could fly.
I watched as the day became lighter revealing the sky reflected in calm ocean waters and I set my camera down to enjoy it, to think about my future, the day ahead and beyond. I thought about expectations, how sometimes it's best to have none - Enjoy the moment.
Expectations
It's probably quite human to have expectations; To set them for ourselves and impose them on other people and things as I did with the sunrise. Is it right or wrong though?
Probably neither I suppose although I believe it's best not to set them unattainably high. In fact, I believe there's a certain benefit to lowering our expectations which can allow us to deal better with not meeting them perfectly every time and to bring better feelings when expectations are met and exceeded.
Of course, I'm not one to lower expectations of myself, but with those around me, the people I value and love...I try not push my own high-expectations upon them and simply allow them to be them, to amaze me with their perfectly imperfect natures, abilities, actions and emotions. It's a nicer way to be I think. It doesn't always work out perfectly but life isn't ever perfect and neither are people. It's our imperfections that make us perfectly us.
My photography expectations are very low; I know I'm not good at it but I do what I can with the skills I have and I'm content. The sunrise-fail you see in this post is an example - But I am content. I lived that moment and it is special for that reason, no matter how bad the photography may be. Again, imperfect, but perfectly me - A moment in my life.
For me life is about contentment and doing what I do for myself and those in my immediate sphere, the people I love and value. You may be one of those people, reading this, and if so you must surely know how important you are to me, how valued you are - If you don't reach out to me and I'll make it right. I know how to.
It's moments like this early morning vigil and the imperfect sunrise that mean so much to me - Life's moments.
It's the same with those I call special; It's those special people that make the difference, not the sunrise, the view or even the coffee...It's about the relationship and not needing to place expectation upon it - It's about togetherness, humility, kindness and shared experiences. It's about connection; Giving to, and receiving of, the other. That's perfect imperfection in my mind, and those are very valued moments spent with special people, despite not all of them being perfectly vibrant and glorious all the time.
You may not have been here with me in this moment, but if you are in that sphere of value, that small group of special people, you were there with me in my heart.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
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