The earliest notion of a friendship I remember is about a boy of my age. I was six then. We used to visit a nearby mango grove after school. He was quite the climber and had a talent for snatching mangoes. It's all hazy now. But one of those interactions I remember vividly. So, he climbed up on a mango tree, as usual. Found a ripe mango and made a small hole underneath the mango while it was still attached to the tree and I could just open my mouth standing underneath and have the dripping mango juice.
Sounds silly and awkward now. But he changed school that year and I met him again after four years. He couldn’t remember me. I don’t blame him, we were growing young kids and a year to a kid is like an eon. And no, I’m not making this up. You can search online and journals. Ever felt the years are going by too fast for you as an adult, but it wasn’t so when you were a child? Well, relativity is an arse.
Anyway, seeing that he didn’t remember me crushed my little heart. I also felt a bit insulted. 20 years later after that incident, writing this mastless blog, I realize I can recall his face precisely because I knew he had no memories of me. Perhaps it’s all on me to cherish those mundane yet nostalgic moments of that mango grove. I myself forgot a lot of friends from my preteen ages over the years and I’m quite sure many people will be able to relate. After all, we forget, so we can live.
I also don’t remember the face of my first crush. I was nine. She was an exchange student, studied with us for a year. We became friends quickly and she used to laugh a lot. I don’t remember why I liked her anymore. After that fateful year, I never met her again. I only remember her first name. But no, I’m not gonna try and find her out. There is a high chance she won’t recall any memories of me.
I vaguely remember some of my other classmates, who weren’t exactly friends but acquaintances. I don’t know why but I feel a rush of emotion when one of them pops up in my mind. I also don’t know why I feel bad that they are forever lost to me. Perhaps I’m a sentimentalist. Nevermind, I know these thoughts have no practicality and I’m only moved by my own motive, to drug myself with the deadliest drug of them all - nostalgia.
Then there’s a different kind of not remembering. Forgetting the stuff you need to remember to function in society. Remembering your spouse’s birthday, anniversary day, first day together. Why don’t you remember that special day anymore? Don’t you love me anymore?
Forgetting also the simpler things, like your passwords.
A few years ago I got a serious electrical shock and was hospitalized. Since then, I have said goodbye to most things DIY. I used to think that accident fried some of my brain cells and that’s why I forget the obvious stuff!
Sharing this dark secret with close friends assured me everyone forgets these little things. Hmm… perhaps, our primitive brains are still struggling with the nuances of civilizations.
Writing on this topic reminded me of a classic short sci-fi story I read a couple of years back. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes.
So a couple of scientists took an everyman with down syndrome and operated on him and also on a lab rat simultaneously because, apparently, that rat was smarter than him.
The everyman started to get smarter. Smarter than the rat, his so-called friends who used to tease him for being dumb, his crush who pitied him, and then the scientists as well who made it all happen. He started to delve into the most complex researches, the most complex philosophical questions. He breathed in happiness listening to Beethoven.
Then everything started to deteriorate.
He couldn’t understand the research papers he himself made a few days ago, he couldn’t enjoy moby dick anymore. He started to forget everything and everyone he knew. I will not spoil the end for you but a good piece of literature shouldn’t bar you from reading it just because a brute like me spoiled it. The authors are far more sophisticated, I sincerely believe. The chances are you’ve already read it, it’s over 60 years old.
Reading that story, I remember weeping for the everyman. How powerless he felt, how miserable it was for him to see everything he held dear slipping away, inevitably, surely and there’s nothing he could do to stop that. Perhaps I could imitate his emotion in me or related to him in any way. Or perhaps not. I was always good at seeing myself in other’s shoes. This is also why I love fiction and they keep tormenting me.
I want to remember as many things and as many people humanly possible, even if I get forgotten, discarded. After all, we are nothing but a collection of memories.
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Memories of childhood are crystal clear along with names, later in life some are remembered however not all, I think it is the impact some make on our lives that we really do remember.
Some excellent novels out there, do not remember reading this particular one which sounds like a good read or watch sometime @notacinephile
!tip
The story is really short, if you can manage it, give it a read. :) I can't recommend the film but people say the book is superior in this case and reading it would take lesser time too!
Thanks Joan, for stopping by. :)
More often than not the book is always better, too much left out in detail with movies. I will look out we have plenty of second hand book stores around.
This is a great piece of writing! Love the reminiscing, musing, and applying it towards personal growth. It is very thoughtful and inspiring! Kudos! 💜
Thank you,thekittygirl!
I'm glad you found the blog like so. 😇
Maybe forgetting is a nature way to make more space in our heads for new memories.😃
It seems as one ages the memories of childhood come back more often and little videos of certain scenes replay in our mind.
I grew up in a small town and went to school for 12 years with basically the same children. Although it’s been decades since we graduated and are scattered all over Canada, I still keep in contact with most of them.
That's really impressive! It's not easy to keep track of your childhood friends even if you want to. Life separates us all in gruesome ways.
Excellent friend your publication.
Hmmmm, I can relate to this, I saw a friend after so many years. I was happy to see him but not knowing his was the direct opposite , I went to our area headquarter at church that faithful day, then I was seating like three bench away from him then
I spotted him , he passed me by to get something and went back to his seat , it was then I got a clearer picture of him, he saw me and looked away then I decided to leave my seat to seat with him in front and I did so . I asked him is this your name .....he said yes, I was happy I finally met him then I asked him do you recognize me he said yes and I was like you remembered me but pretended as if you don't know me I left his side sad and disappointed.
It's terrible for us, isn't it? And I'm sure it would be terrible for everyone on the receiving end. But people change and their views change, nothing can't be done I guess.
Thanks for sharing your story.
There are really two things that make us unique individuals, full of personally, charm, and wit. Those two things are your name, and your experiences, which are comprised of all our memories. It can really be hurtful when something from our past experience was so meaningful to us that we've placed it carefully and tenderly into long term memory, yet not nearly as meaningful to someone else that they've forgotten it. It impacts our identity of ourselves.
Very nice write up.
@wwwiebe, that's brilliant! You've worded it better than I ever could! Needless to say, I completely agree with it.
Of course I have people I have forgotten, and those who have forgotten me. I see some of the forgotten sometimes when I think of a specific incident, but then they lapse back into the forgotten zone.
Almost none of them from my public school days, astoundingly. I grew up near a really small town and at least 2/3 of my graduating class put in 12 years together. I remember them all.
Forgettable is OK with me. I've never aspired to fame and fortune and forgettable means I was average and I'm just fine with that.
Flowers for Algernon was amazing work. There was a movie (perhaps made for TV) that was no where near the book and so rightly forgettable. I think it was called Charly with the r turned backwards. I read the short story before it was a novel in an anthology. The essence was in the story but the author did a fine job flushing it into a book.
Precisely, that is the way it happens to me as well.
I know of the film as well but haven't seen it. Co-incidentally, I have read Flowers for Algernon in an anthology book as well, was it Sci-fi Hall of Fame Vol 1 for you?
That's a distinct possibility. Did that volume have one of Arthur C Clarke's 'Tales of the White Heart' in it? A terrific collection of short stories, too.
I read Sci-Fi then, and I don't mean sort of. I swallowed all of it.
No, it had his "Nine billion names of God" and as much a fan of his, I didn't like that story much.
Ahhhh. That may have been the most ironic piece that Clarke wrote. I was fascinated by the idea...
Every Clarke fan I met so far liked that story. I wonder why I didn't like it so. 🤷♀
I loved his and Kubrick's 2001 very very much though.
2001 is often thought of as his masterwork. I don't think so, I think he had many that were better.
A friend told me that without forgetting, women would never have more than one child. Can't remember which one told me that. 🤣🤣
Nice bit of writing here. 👍👍
Haha, makes sense! The pain scale they compare childbirth to is crazy scary! You'd think no one would go through it a second time!
Then again, some people in dangerous sport go do the same surviving near-fatal accidents. Forgetting does wonder for us.
Thanks for stopping by. :D
Sometimes the memories that have somehow impacted our lives endure.
That is precisely so! :) You're lucky if those memories are good or neutral ones, but usually, they are not. And it's a world of pain if those memories are the ones you're trying to forget.
Nicely written. I can just feel the frustration of your past friend not remembering you. Thank you for sharing this with me!
Ren
Thank you too, Ren. :)
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perhaps you don't exist, hey why am I replying to someone who isn't there. Whats going on? What was that I just read, ahh wait errr. Ok I'll have another beer
There's a fair chance I don't exist and perhaps the beer isn't there either. ;)
Imagine how it would be if you wake up someday and don't recognize a bottle of beer for what it is and have no recollection of its taste!
been there done that lol
Wow! That must have been a hell of a morning! Haha!
what was?
Waking up and realizing that you've forgotten all recollections of beers!
who are you? ;)
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Shards of memory will certainly come a time when it comes to our minds. Sometimes we can find faces and memories of the past but then we forget who it was. We may remember events but forget the characters.
Thank you for great story
That is quite true. Forgetting them and realizing I've forgotten them usually leads me into a reverie, if I'm in the mood.
Thanks for reading. :)
Excelent story!
That's a lovely write up! Sometimes I envy people who have good memory,
When I went to college I met somebody who remembered being my class mate during preschool. I was surprised that he still remembers me and the anthem. I wish I had memories like that.
But I guess sometimes our minds just wants us to forget some memories to create new ones. This is something that's nice about technology now, we can take photos or videos just to remind us.
Thanks for sharing this with us and stay safe always!
Interesting! I hadn't really thought about all the people I may have forgotten or things, nor thought how that effects people when you run into them again and you don't remember them!
Also how that is a human coping mechanism or method to allow us to live more bringing in more memories.
Thanks for sharing!