Hello Everyone!
A frigid evening, The tent setup worked well, Frozen water almost everywhere & Uncertainty sucks!
Alright, I am only a wee bit behind schedule with my writing routine this evening... and hopefully I can also stay on track with my posting routine. I swear that this tiny bit of consistency has been doing me a world of good... and simply writing each day sure has been helping a lot regardless of how 'in the dumps' my overall attitude and morale is.
Last night, it got frigging cold... and I was actually rather surprised at just how well my camping tent (wrapped in polyethylene) setup worked to keep the wind out and the heat in. I definitely used the propane heater much more than I have on any other night since first wrapping the tent... but for the most part I did not wind up burning up too much of my precious fuel supply.
Of course, I was also bundled up in three layers of clothes, an insulated jumpsuit, two warm hats and a thick pair of socks... so obviously there was more than the heater keeping me warm. Once I fell asleep things were not too bad either... because I was snuggled up to the dogs under three blankets... and only my feet got cold a few times when they escaped the confines of the blanket while I was sleeping.
On a different note, folks 'worrying about me' finally came to a head today... and although I appreciate the concern it has done nothing but make me feel more and more neurotic for months now. First, it was all my close friends pestering me (almost daily) to get a shed (which I am clueless on how they thought that I could afford) and then it was about getting supplies, heating devices and lastly propane.
I still do not know quite how to explain that 'neurotic inducing' feeling... but it coupled with all the recent grief and trauma I have experienced... along with getting my PTSD hammered on for nearly six months straight now... has been driving me bat shit crazy! At least now folks will hopefully stop... and just let my damned mind settle some... because yeah it has just been too damned much for me... and I need to be able to keep focusing on relief efforts for the WNC DZ.
Anyways, out of all the various containers that I have rainwater stored in outside... the only one that did not stay iced over all day was the overflow barrel that I have resting in that big hole that I dug while constructing that earthen bridge. Depending on if I am stuck here for the remainder of the winter or not (which is dependent on whether I can actually sell this place) I should probably look at digging another hole for the barrel that I store my actual drinking water in.
Much of my thinking of late is incredibly mired by the uncertainty of whether I am 'stuck' here or not... which although is something that I have dealt with for my entire stay... it seems to be really 'throwing me off center' much more of late. I guess that I am just one of those folks that really enjoys knowing exactly what my own plans are... and being able to stick to them in a clear and concise manner!
Well, on that note I am going to wrap this up before it gets too much chillier... and I wind up needing to put some gloves on to keep pecking away at the keyboard in a comfortable fashion. I hope that everyone is doing well.
You know me and I am going to tell you what I think. You are living in a hostile place, you live in a camping tent wrapped in plastic in the winter up north, you have no water on your property, you are a survivor, and day after day you are doing anything and everything in your power to help people who are now living in the same conditions that you live in every day. Yes, they went through something horrific but that aside, they now live like you. They are also proud people who have no choice but to accept help through people like you and the others who help bring it to them.
Yeah, I hear you there. I am accustomed to this lifestyle also and if it was not the first time that I had lived without water onsite I would be a bit more concerned about it than I am. The big thing with the water though is that I can literally have some delivered from a grocery store in thirty minutes if I really need it that bad. The folks in the DZ have it super rough and they definitely need all the help that they can get. Sure I am in a hostile place but damn that area is also hostile and way more lawless in some parts than here. It is just a lot all around.
You are used to living like you do and they are not, and you all are in a hostile place, I get it.
That was not my point. My point is they are proud people who now have to swallow their pride and accept help. When people want to help you, you need to do the same. It is not about being used to living that way, it is about living in a camping tent in the freezing winter and accepting help when someone offers it. WNC and YOU need help getting something to live in, all I see is people helping them and offering you help but you tell them to help someone in WNC.
I am just asking if you would consider accepting help when offered, even if it is a post about you. You have seen the power of the internet throughout all of this.
I am sorry for this bringing back PTSD on you, but I know you will not stop trying to help WNC so I will not say take a break for a short bit, only do your best to keep yourself and your doggies warm.
I hear you and I understand your meaning. I always accept help from folks unless I have a good reason not to. I dunno if I can really explain it better than saying that: By folks worrying about me it was causing me to worry about them worrying about me.
It was a bugger of a feedback loop that goes back over several months now and yeah I just want them to focus on the folks in the DZ. It is never going to make logical sense to you (or anyone else for that matter) because it is/was not logical... it is/was a feeling.
Like I keep saying, I am trying to sell this place and move on. Investing in a shed or any other building makes zero sense and would just be a waste of money. I am also totally fine in a tent and have things setup as well as I can to winter in it safely.
If I felt like I needed something more sturdy I would use the small amount of lumber and other materials that I have on hand to build a shack or something. I could have done that by now but it would just be more stuff to take apart when I do move.
I really do not get all that concerned about the cold weather until it hits single digits and is going to remain there for days. Even then I know exactly all the things that I need to do to survive because I have had to do it before.
I hope that helps.
I love your resilience and it inspires me. Stay warm and take care. I hope things gets better for you soon.
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