Yesterday a friend jokingly said to me after one of my tackles "you were in the medical field before? Well, hello kindness and empathy".
It touched me. I was a good caregiver. I gave so much of myself. I didn't count the hours and I accompanied people as I would have liked to accompany my loved ones. I was gentle. And empathetic. And today, I'll be honest, I don't know where it is anymore.
My empathy. I still have compassion. But it's nothing like it was before. So it touched me to hear that because I know that's what made me love my job and kept me going every day, the idea of being there for patients, making their days lighter, making them laugh, holding their hand, giving a massage, trying everything but making them think about why they were there in my department.
I was in the medical field before. I used to love it. But I did. I think I've lost my empathy. And I haven't been able to replace it yet. How can the skills, the qualities that make up us disappear like that... I've come a long way in the last year. And I know what I want and what I don't want anymore. But let's face it, I still have to work on many things to be in agreement with the human I was, that I am, that I want to be.