I’ve been on a pretty long streak of depressive, self-damaging, and violent thoughts in the last month. Every day has become an intense struggle to find the good in me and raise my vibration to a more loving state of mind. This has affected all my relationships and despite my efforts, I always seem to be behind the tricks of the sabotaging mind.
He estado en una racha bastante larga de pensamientos depresivos, autodestructivos y violentos en el último mes. Cada día se ha convertido en una lucha intensa para encontrar lo bueno en mí y elevar mi vibración a un estado mental más amoroso. Esto ha afectado todas mis relaciones y, a pesar de mis esfuerzos, siempre parezco estar detrás de los trucos de la mente saboteadora.
It seems to me that the 30-day gratefulness challenge is a good exercise to focus on what’s important and why I’m alive here on this planet. I don’t usually read this kind of posts and don’t expect many people will be reading them either, but hey, it’s what I need to be writing right now so might as well post it here.
Me parece que el desafío de agradecimiento de 30 días es un buen ejercicio para centrarse en lo que es importante y por qué estoy vivo aquí en este planeta. No suelo leer este tipo de publicaciones y no espero que mucha gente las lea tampoco, pero bueno, es lo que necesito escribir ahora mismo, así que aprovecharé de publicarlo aquí.
I know there are tons of things, people, experiences, elements, and insights to be grateful for, however, I would like to keep it real. I don’t want to thank something just because it’s the right thing to do, but rather because I really felt blessed by it at some point of the day.
Sé que hay miles de cosas, personas, experiencias, elementos y conocimientos por los que estar agradecido, sin embargo, me gustaría mantenerlo real. No quiero agradecer algo solo porque sea lo correcto, sino porque realmente me sentí bendecido por ello en algún momento del día.
Today I had a hard time getting myself to move, right now I’m in the countryside and my lover-companion is with her daughters in town. Right now I’m missing them all badly, but we agreed on giving each other some space and time to find ourselves.
Hoy me costó mucho moverme, ahora mismo estoy en el campo y mi compañera está con sus hijas en la ciudad. Ahora mismo los extraño a todas, pero acordamos darnos algo de espacio y tiempo para encontrarnos a nosotros mismos.
So I guess that’s a good reason to be grateful. To have human relationships that allow themselves room for personal growth, while still knowing that Love is there. I have been very stubborn in accepting the importance and value of this, but here I am, trying to change the way I see things instead of playing the victim of a life that wishes to move me away from those I love.
Así que supongo que es una buena razón para estar agradecido. Tener relaciones humanas que permitan el crecimiento personal, sabiendo que el Amor está ahí. He sido muy terco al aceptar la importancia y el valor de esto, pero aquí estoy, tratando de cambiar la forma en que veo las cosas en lugar de jugar a ser la víctima de una vida que desea alejarme de los que amo.
While sleeping a nap in the afternoon I dreamt of them and knew that they were present. I figured I needed to act as if they were physically here with me, which meant snapping out of the self-loathing.
Mientras dormía una siesta por la tarde soñé con ellas y supe que estaban presentes. Pensé que tenía que actuar como si estuvieran físicamente aquí conmigo, lo que significaba salir del autodesprecio.
Thank you for this time, though it might seem a bit hard to bare, I will focus my energies and intentions on making the best of it. I will focus on remembering the good, the things that bring us together, the warmth of a loving hard that can be felt no matter the physical distance. Thank you for this time to work on trust that all will be well, that reunion is always near, and that nothing that is appreciated is ever lost.
Gracias por este tiempo, aunque pueda parecer un poco difícil de soportar, concentraré mis energías e intenciones en aprovecharlo al máximo. Me enfocaré en recordar lo bueno, las cosas que nos unen, la calidez de un corazón amoroso que se puede sentir sin importar la distancia física. Gracias por este tiempo de trabajar confiando en que todo estará bien, que el reencuentro siempre está cerca y que nada de lo que se aprecia se pierde jamás.
I'm glad you're doing this challenge as gratitude is , in my opinion, one of the most powerful ways to raise vibration and get into a more positive state of mind. I did this couple years back, started writing daily gratitude lists/journal entries in a notebook and then thought why not share it on Steem back then.
Sending lots of good vibes your way and I hope these hard times will soon be just a memory. :)
Thank you for the kind words @nikolina , I hope to be able to keep it up. I need consistency and perseverance these days. Glad to know you're doing good 🙂
I am sorry to hear that you have been going through such a difficult time, these are challenging times and yet we have to go through them. So much is being unearthed, in the world around us and from within us. Thank you for sharing and I think your challenge is a wonderful one, focus on the light in your life, surround yourself with it my friend. Sending you love and healing xxxx
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Thanks @trucklife-family , there is truly much being unearthed and I hope we're up the task of clearing the fogs from our minds, to find clarity once again. Big hug and receiving that healing love.
What a beautiful way to pull yourself out of depression - being appreciative of love and human relationships that give each other space for personal development!
I can feel the love in your words and indeed it is something to be grateful for!
Thank you, I'm trying best I can to see the light, despite feeling that the darkness swallows me these days. But you're right, it's a good start appreciating this 🙂 big hug @porters