Creativity comes in many forms.
I used to believe that being creative meant you had to be talented to physically create something. I was so stuck on this idea of perfectionism, that I would freeze from fear and give up on a creative idea. It wasn't until late 2019 that I discovered that creativity isn't about being the best at something, but rather giving it a go.
When I let go of the notion that what other people think matters, a whole new world and mindset opened up to me. Once I was fully able to be present with my creativity, this accidental epiphany helped in my healing journey.
How I discovered this was purely by chance while trying to understand the trauma I was living in and with.
It would be an understatement to say that 2019, for me, was a year of great heartache and turmoil. (I am not going into too much detail in this post, but I may write about it soon.) So much so that the lockdowns over this last year of the 'plandemic' have seemed like a walk in the park.
Yet, somehow in the midst of all the chaos, hurt and anger that surrounded me at the latter part of that year, I stumbled into a world that had become very dormant to me.
Purely by coincidence, as I was reading into understanding narcissistic abuse, I stumbled across a beautiful man, Dr Les Carter on his youtube channel, Surviving Narcissism. It was after the first video I realised that I could change my circumstances and build a better future for myself and my children.
One of the best tips he gave was to not engage with a narcissist when they are trying to provoke a reaction out of you. So I chose to find a creative outlet to give me something to focus on and stay present.
I would normally turn to music but I didn't have my guitar or keyboard with me at that time, so I looked into something else.
It's amazing what you can do with a little bit of string...
I have had a fascination with Macrame for a few years now and I always wanted to learn how to make the sweet little necklaces and bracelets. So after a trip to the craft store (gosh remember when those were open?), and a few youtube tutorials later, I felt confident enough to make what would become Winter Solstice gifts for my daughters.
This was for my eldest, the seashells I found on the beach.
This one was for my youngest daughter.
I was rather impressed with how well these turned out and my daughters loved them. The feeling that making these created helped me to focus and stay grounded in that difficult time. It helped to pull me out of the depression I was sinking into and relax enough to find a calm way out of it.
What effect does trauma have on our mind and body?
Trauma is the end product of extremely stressful events that cause our bodies to enter fight or flight mode. It can leave us in a perpetual state of emotional distress, causing us to feel many negative emotions. This psychological trauma effectively plays tricks on our brain, that it eventually trickles down to our physical being too.
I read a book earlier that year called 'The Body Keeps The Score' by Bessel Van der Kolk, recommended by @riverflows. It helped me understand that how I was thinking and feeling, my reactions and decision making had all been affected by the significant events that happened to our family between 2018 and 2019. These events had affected my mental and physical health, but most importantly my ability to think clearly and not make rash decisions.
One of the most important things I think I read in that book was to be able to find the ability to 'rewire' the pleasure response in our brains so that we can take ourselves out of the perpetual loop of fight or flight mode. For me, delving into creative outlets is the lobotomy I need to rewire.
Taking what I've learned and using it to heal and create more.
Since this discovery, I have always tried to listen to my body and intuitively feel when I need to get creative. Sometimes I can feel things triggering me. That's when I turn on creative mode to release those feelings.
I've spent the last year on a healing journey. Art, music, poetry and of course macrame bracelets have been a huge part of this. I love all of it so much and the peace that it instills within my soul. By allowing it to flow I find it puts me in a calm and meditative state that allows full mental clarity.
It is in this clarity that I can figure out what's bothering me and look for solutions. On the plus side, I am making things that I am quite proud of too.
Here's some of my creations over the last year...
After nearly three years absent, I have returned to the platform...
It's been so long in fact, that I've spent the last few days reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances like the beautiful @riverflows, @trucklife-family, @eco-alex and have made some new friends in the process, @atma.love, @vincentnijman.
I just want to say I am truly grateful for you all. Things have certainly changed around here and it's been amazingly overwhelming and positively uplifting to connect with you again.
Furthermore, with so many changes since my last post, you have all been fabulous with help and advice to get me up to speed with it all. Big hearts to you all, and to those who I've yet to connect with.
Wow! This is so beautiful, in many ways and I can totally relate to your story. Creativity is a way of healing for me too and I get better and better in integrating it into my life. It's of paramount importance. We're naturally all creative beings ( no matter what some people say ) but we often lose this side of us in society. If this happens, we start to feel drained, burn out, get depressed.
is one of my favorite quotes.
Thank you for sharing this with us and keep your creativity flowing.
It's a pleasure to have gotten to know you in the past couple of days. You're a beautiful soul.
Big hug!
Thank you for your kind words, 💚
I hear you and I think it's quite an uplifting feeling too. Maybe it's the physical aspect, releasing emotions by creating. Perhaps it's because it makes it feel like what we were holding onto has truly been released?
Big hugs to you too, beautiful soul x
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Hi and good that you found your way back here.
I'm the new kid in town but so far I found a little bit of my creativity within this platform. I hear you on the perfection issue.
I can only assume what your story will be, but the catchphrase Narcissism already hints towards it. I may be wrong but either way, I was happy to have found the NM as a place where opening up is somewhat possible.
Greetings from a stranger 😊
Thank You for your lovely comment and lovely to meet you.
That's awesome that you're able to explore your creative expression here.
I'm glad that NM has provided you with the confidence to open up.
Much love to you x
Oh very nice to meet you as well! 😊 . I took a quick look at your blog and I am fascinated. Do you still live on Sark?
Despite what you've been through I would love to see you talk about that place in general again. It has an interesting story and even though it is small there is so much to share about. The crazy history and system. Let us know where you live, it is still so special. 🤗
Sadly we moved away in 2018 to live offgrid in Spain. Sark was a beautiful place to live and I almost did move back there last year. I am hoping once the lockdown restrictions are gone, the kids and I will be able to visit.
For now, I am in the UK.
Big hugs xx
Oh I see, but still...def a neat place. I hope you are doing well and it will be interesting to see what the paths of the universe have in petto for all of us.
I was grateful to receive "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk a year ago for Christmas from my mother- and purely by coincidence was that I was at the start of a relationship with a narcissist at the same time- but didn't realize it for another two months. "Love bombing" can be such a blinder, am I right?
I'm glad you're doing as best you can under the circumstances- your macrame is beautiful, and the rainbow quote made me smile to see.
I'm still new to the site, but I look forward to reading more about your healing journey and reading what's to come! 😊
Yes its a good book, it helped me tremendously in so many aspects of my family's life.
Thank you for your lovely comment and I'll take a look at your blog too 🤗💚
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STOPAhhh I am soo happy that you adress the eternal myth that only the elite has the right to be called "creative" , it's such a BS, so glad to see it has helped you connect with yourself and create such magnificent sacred jewelry for your daughters 💖
Narcissistic abuse has really been underestimated and disguised a lot in our sourroundings, It's a beautiful and brave journey to find (Self-)Love again and heal from that past version of us 🙏
I wish you all the best, I'm sure your daughters are real proud of you!
sincerely it's lovely 'meeting' you 🌸
Thank you @kaliphae, for the compliment. 🤗
Yes, I agree I think the reason for this is partly due to the fact that the abused end up seeking therapy while the Narc can never admit they need help.
It's lovely meeting you too and looking forward to connecting with you more. x much love xx
🤗🌻
Its a good read and uplifting too, not much good at commenting without any swear words but keep your chin up, after all coping with a Narcissist gave you a boost to create, so something good comes from every negative.
On the Macramé front looks like you made a pretty impressive beginning, if you can check out the old French books (mostly available for free online as the copyrights expired) google translate will give you the basics but they had some amazing patterns back in the day.
Also Last minor quibble I promise, not a criticism in the slightest, you are obviously multitalented, no shame in being proud of those talents. Keep modesty and insecurity for things that don't show, or aren't obvious, well that at least works for me!
I'm a noob here so what do I know.
Regardless, Fandiddlytastic keep makin, keep growin and have a fantastic day.
that it sure did!😊
Yes, I should do that, there are some really intricate designs that I'd love to learn. I'll see what some digging unearths. Thanks for that.
Also thanks for the heads up I will certainly bear that in mind.
I appreciate your comment and kind words, thank you for reading my post. x :-)