The true process of the journey of the self towards self-realisation as consciousness is a journey that can't be shared. In this, we are truly alone. We can reference off each other at times to understand better our trajectory in the aloneness of being a one self-contained universe - however, we can never depend. Teachers at times are practical and sometimes they are not. The real path is very boring and nor is it sad - it's more like the end of a fart. The expression is gone and you're left feeling a bit blank. There are parts of you that wish to start the mechanics of the rollercoaster again - have another chocolate, go for another coffee, drive forward for another ambition - yet, there is a deeper part that is slowly learning this cycle and wishes to be more than the cycle - it sees there is no future to maintaining a self delusion within this fart-cycle.
This is a bus ride eventually you will learn not to enjoy - and that the joy of it is a delusion. It's not to say we can't enjoy it and nor that 'joy' is bad - but if all that is happening in the world can be appended by our application to the realm of balance - and in this - find that boring place within that gets serious as shit about managing the universe - then we can likely start the world rolling towards a greater balance also and thereby lessen the experience of pain that is had here. Maybe...
In one philosophy, we can just keep on going ad infinitum - around this ferris-wheel of dharma and everyone is responsible for themselves - so it is no use to try and change anything - this is true in many respects - but also - we must then discover within ourselves what it is that we do that causes the imbalances present here. How do I operate myself personally within this mind and within this life that can be shifted or changed in order to bring things back to some semblance of equilibrium.
Not acting as a reaction to some insecurity or fear or ambition - no, acting out of love for the self and the realisation of the self as all. The Atman or the Purusha. And in controlling our own tendencies and bringing our own life into balance - we may discover a secret - we may not...
The choices have to be made alone and within, for them to be effective. The action, intentions and motivations have to happen alone within. From this ground a grand seed can grow if it pleases. What IS certain, is that this jump off the edge into the realm of the unknown is a necessary part of creating a long-term self - that is - a self not dependent on sense perception and the rollercoaster ride of emotions - not dependent on the memories attached to it or generated from it and not attached to the process of slowly coming to an end and 'finding contentness' before we go somewhere we really have no clue... whatsoever...
To define this 'lonely process' is to lie about it - this choice within - or another way of putting it is it is only possible to just to speak around it with these grossly inadequate symbols called words.
As the process is one that cannot be spoken about or defined or shared. The true realisation of this stops us in our tracks and we also just kind of take things a little less seriously. Why was I trying to save the world again? Was it/is it really my responsibility? How did I get to be so ambitious so quickly? What am I really conscious of? What is the point?
In another sense it also frees us.
Why did I care about what that person thought? Why did I want to be friends with those people? How much after this 'crux of mind' I now see that my identity was dependent and non-real.
Am I the only one living here breathing and everything else just a grand show to cater for my consciousness?
Maybe...
I love the song 'is that all there is' by Peggy Lee. It really nails it.
Another thing that nails it is many parts of the Dao de Ching - The Dao that can be named is not the eternal Dao. The Dao is tasteless and a colour without excitement in comparison to other things we perceive to be of the revelatory consciousness variety - the Dao is also like Brahmin - the cream within the milk. It's in everything yet sits subtle and can only be known by re-sensitizing ourselves out of the excitement of a perception locked into the senses believing that sense perception is the only experience. It's also salt in water that's been dissolved to be imperceptible and we've never known non-salty water.
Why are we here at all then? If senses are something we learn to detach from while we are here in order to progress?
It's a good question... maybe the senses are natural or of nature and we are a unit of nature in the process of become non-natural or aligning with true consciousness. Thereby we exist within the process of being in a sense experience but having the opportunity to develop faculties to live outside one.
The ego, the senses, the mind - become something separate from us. Those that know the separation - use these things more effectively. They're tools. The body and the way it is perceived is a tool.
Does that then mean we take nothing seriously and go out and take to immorality and go and fuck and kill everything... no - there are fundamental consequences to spirit for the ways that we behave here. There must be - I would have designed it this way. A reality working towards greater awareness and always balancing itself. I would have designed it this way. I would never have consented to joining a reality with no framework of progress towards balance.
It becomes clear that any theory of everything that doesn't lead to this place of balance is false.
There are many theories on everything put out by many aspiring truth adherents in the last couple of hundred years and they all hold keys to understanding our inner process and creating our individual spiritual meta-physical framework.
If you place the light of your awareness on any subject and hold it there for long enough - or even visit that place within daily - you'll find out more about it. If you place your light on the path of the true solution - not knowing what that is or where to start - you'll find it - you're walking it by focusing on it.
Thoughtful, and full of questions. But there is peace in knowing that the procedure of living is sustained and progressed by questioning.
Inquisitive souls go further in life because they can be propelled by questions and not so much bogged down on a single solution, or fixated along a narrow path that leads only to one answer.