Update:
Coffee
Laundry in the machine (big load of dirty laundry today :) )
Walked to the chemist and got an asthma pump. COPD. Stress directly affects the lungs and causes asthma. In kids too, btw. If the parents are stressed #ItsScience
Bought some Nicorettes and about to stop smoking. Again. I am not about to let someone in active addiction drag me into their chaos and insanity. #ItsNotMyShitToCarryThanks
Someone once told me that you should quit an addiction when you're in the thick of a super stressful situation. And it's all downhill from there. It worked back in 2019 so hey ho...
Nervous system is ringing. No surprise there. A couple (or more) nights like this, now, and I'm tired. Not eating well either. It's the stress. Of course. I am forcing myself to eat because fuel and staying "up".
Bad nutrition affects the brain - the gut is now called "the small brain" #ItsScience
It can cause mental health reactions if you don't eat enough.
Also #StayHydrated
I'll cut down on coffee today then too. Should help with quitting the cigs as well.
I could see folks know what is going on when I entered the door of the Chemist.
Your brain picks up signals of "danger" in milliseconds, you know. Sometimes you aren't even aware of this. #MoreToFollow
Nobody would talk about "reality" or "truth" though.
#ItsNotPolite #Dysfunction101 #TrustYourself
Seeing everybody pretending and not being able to speak honestly creates a feeling of "Derealization" or "Cognitive Dissonance". For me anyway. I don't think I'm any different from anybody else out there. That would be crazy :)
I used to wander around not even noticing that I was in a Fight/Flight reaction, because I was raised to think this is "normal". I suspect you have too. #TheElephantInTheRoom
#SuckItUpButtercup #TheGoodOldDays
After practicing awareness of my nervous system for some years, I now notice immediately when it is activated.
I used to have full blown panic attacks. Debilitating and humiliating. Even on the meds.
Today I put my nervous system back into "safe" mode within a few minutes.
Being forced to lie activates my Fight/Flight Stress Reaction because one of my primary traumas was abuse and I was told I was lying and to remain silent.
Used the PolyVagal Theory while I waited my turn at the chemist. Humming, Tapped on my chest. I used to call this feeling "anxiety".
Now I know what it is I can manage it pretty quickly and regulate my nervous system with these action based physical skills. I was calm and polite by the time it was my turn. I even remembered some of the Afrikaans I am learning and manage to hold some conversation.
When you are in the Fight/Flight reaction you may find you are unable to think clearly. "Racing thoughts". This is not ADHD in my experience. It is also due to the nervous system being in Fight or Flee. #Proof
My first Flight/Fight Reaction is "Fight". But since I have been standing ground for some time now and am still "stuck" there are feelings of depression. Short bursts. Again.
I feel very "tired". Heavy tired. And my eyes feel dry. These are my personal signs that the Freeze Reaction is setting in because I can't flee.
To counter the Freeze Reaction - I tap into my valid anger. This is bullshit, quite frankly. Why should I be suffering because of other people's addiction and insanity? Fuck that.
This got me back up when I was having a liddle "poor me" moment. You'll never recover if you allow yourself to feel like a victim. And, trust me, nobody is coming to save me. I can save yourself! #IArePowerful
I was naive to come here. My naivety has gotten me into trouble my whole life. #KnowThyselfFirst
I accept my feelings as valid. Yes. This is important! I am sad about this situation. And scared. Naturally.
I even had a small cry.
Then I shook it off and I will take constructive action to fix my situation.
I looked for new accomodation on Facebook. Again. Nothing I can afford. Again.
I wrote a post and ranted.
I did not post it!!!
Do not act out on your anger. You will only make your situation worse #CrazyBirch101
Acknowledge it. Step back and ground. First!
Chores - admin. Just do it. No holidays allowed.
While I was walking to the shops a family passed me. And can you guess what the liddle boy said as they went by?
Go on... take a guess :)
"Resist". He said quietly.
I grinned. And so I shall my fine young fellow traveller.
Because fuck them, quite frankly. I have not done anything wrong here. I walked my principles and values, you see. So I am not ashamed of my behaviour. And I can stand up in a court of law and open heartedly share my truth.
#IDidNotAskForThis #ThisIsNotMyFault
And if even one child "gets" this, and doesn't have to waste all those precious years trying to avoid themselves and their life with drugs, alcohol or "insanity"...
It is worth it.
See you soon.
Freely gifted because you are worth it!
Donations welcome. To spread the word.
I am real.
I am not a therapist and this is not medical advice. Do not come off medications or change treatment or programs without support from a medical professional or therapist. It is dangerous.
?
I guess time will tell.
When did they make the second brain the small one? Shit changes so fast.. in the stomach.
I haven't smoked in I don't know how many years. Cigarettes, of course. Outta every addiction I've kicked there isn't a day that goes by I don't want a cigarette. Every.single.day—can't believe them shits are legal! I swear autocorrect had kegal.
Cigar, actually, a disgusting fat ass cheap cigar like the cheapest they make. One puff and I ain't talkin diddy. Straight to the head, maybe two, however many I can handle. No weed makes me sit down like that and I ain't talkin diddy.
#URDoinGreat
Fuck Dude. That's oooooooooold news :D
#SoAreYou <3
Thank you for your youness. How are you doing?
A good distraction or humor is usually all it takes.
Much love Nic. <3
No distractions! For me anyway.
Or you. Focus!
Humour is essential. And why I keep coming back to find you
keep on keeping on, fellow traveller <3
How dare you say no to me!
Good morning. My morning's just like yours without U.
= }
How's it going?
I started a couple new pieces. A couple opening paragraphs at least. I'm just so0Ooo busy right now. Spring and all that. Trimming trees and using tree trimmings to build more obstacles in the yard for the baby. She's such a baby.
Past couple nights I called it a wrap only cuz I couldn't see anymore. Damn sun has a schedule of its own.
How dare you dare me?! :D
Oh that looks lovely. And peaceful!
I hear you. I have a few stories and posts half finished :|
I think I am on the right track to finding space to write again now. So one step at a time... oh dear... not for you tho
:D
How's your leg, angel?
Leg is progressing nicely. Ahead of schedule. Much thanks for asking. Wish I could say the same about my hand.
I still choose physical bullshit over like digestive or mental or..
Glad to see you typing words I'm not like WTF.
If you function better while smoking, then I say, smoke! Don't put yourself through any more distress than you have already. One thing at a time.
Take care of yourself and just do what's best for YOU!
Okay... just a liddle bit!
Mostly down to a few a day. None is better! You only fail when you quit.
Or, in this case... you only succeed when you quit.
Perspective :D
It's all in the head... i know you know. :smirk: I stopped stop smoking like 20 years ago. I too much like it... though it's my soul who decides when. I told the Ego to just shut the feck up and do what i tell it.
Wow, took'em quite a while to see this fact. And i'm sure it doesn't see itself as "small". The "real" brains are set in the guts and the heart. I know you know.
Live the power you are at the fullest... life is too short for shit.
And yeah... life is dangerous, since it will end with a dead corpse.
I know you know.
Hig Bug Sis
Her shit is not about smoking!
.
I can hardly feel the effects of name calling in real life, your attempt is hopeless. Toodles!
Then why the downvote....
I never knew you before now. I'm only here cuz you downvoted me and tagged me. Watch, leave me alone and it'll be like we never met (again).
You shouldn't be talking to weirdo's anyway.
You are wrong on the weirdo's part!
Ugh... stop being so smart.
Okay. I will own my shit in full!
Thank you <3
I feel for you and I'm sorry for your situation!
You really need fresh grounds...
I was trying to tell you about rules! Having rules won't make you feel free!
Well... wherever I go... there I am.
So I'm busy changing my perspective and trying different action again.
Not gonna change anything by repeating the same behaviours.
Logic.
You can handle it, while smoking!
Doing other things is not the same!
As ambiguous as ever! :D
I'd rather handle it while not smoking!
But I will handle it!
Sending love <3
Walking, breathing, keeping the mind in the state of "I am" + all positive. No fears -No negativity. And the smoking thing (in my case, if it's worth to you) was just saying ENOUGH and putting in my mind two fixed ideas: Of course I can and hang in there, girl.
#ENOUGH
Fuck yeah and fuck that.
On we go, sister <3 *salutes
A big !HUG and much !LUV to you dear sister. I wondered why you'd been quiet lately.
Anything I can do to help? Like send you some MMS with instructions?
i'm finally heading home ro Bulgaria next week.
x
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @atma.love.
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Made with LUV by crrdlx.
What is MMS?
No thank you. I am fine! Just tired and grumpy. And frustrated some days.
I'm only human, you know!
It is what it is. Acceptance. All of it. And enjoy the good bits.
I've got this!
Stay you <3
what is MMS? Click the link! :-)
In brief, It's a naturally occurring mineral (sodium chlorite) which when activated with a food grade acid (eg. lemon juice, 50% citric acid or 5% hydrochloric acid) creates Chlorine Dioxide. Used in the best water purification plants in the world. Cures Cancer (& hundreds of other dis-eases, eg. Malaria - in a study in 2012 which the Red Cross observed - 100% cure within 2 days - but of course the Red Cross later retracted that and deleted evidence - but some still exists. They wouldn't want the world to know about medicine that actually works!) when taken in minute doses and following the correct protocol as opposed to causing cancer like chlorine does (used in inferior water purification plants).
Sorry for long sentences & lots of brackets (i dont know how to spell parentheses :-)
i can send you pdf of the MMS Health Recovery Guidebook if you like.
Interesting.
Hah! I don't go clicking on strange links on the internet of amazing things! Ever!! :D
Please drop it in here? I'd like to read and research a bit more, please.
Well, it's still possibly a strange link to you, but here is is (goes straight to pdf of the book): https://www.jahealthadvocate.com/uploads/2/4/5/9/2459046/mms_health_recovery_guidebook_1_october_2016.pdf
Dude! I trust nobody these days.
Its nothing personal :) Just cautious after some learning and experience
(least of all doctors btw :D)
I'll have a look for sure and thanks for being you <3
Interesting website
The depression info is sound
I'll dig around a bit more when I have time. I'm busy learning finance at last! Past due but hey... better late than never, huh? :D
@letting-go MMS Health Recovery Guidebook, as discussed
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