It’s been awhile since I last wrote. And I wish I am consistent and way motivated as ever as I was. I remember being excited and mentioning to my very first post about me, that I will share an authentic Cham as much as I could.
I have been itching to write and share with you guys how my mental health is recently. To be honest, I do not know how I’d start, where I am at this stage, and how this will end.
I guess at some point; I could start with last year July 2022. This was actually the time that I have been on a pick of my career, and I would say nearly able to do things I always wanted to do as a single mom parent of my 7-year-old daughter (during that time, she is now 8).
Around July last year, I shared that I got scammed here, and I thought that it was one of the most painful thing to experience, but it isn’t. I think I can share this as if you would understand the story of “medusa” and yes, you can easily recognize it that way, but if you don’t please do make a research, and to be honest, I wanted to share this as this has become a viral situation in Tiktok of how many young women are asking tattoo artist to have “medusa” on their body. It’s pretty much alarming, it is sad to think and know that I had the same experience last year of this breaks my heart (apologies if I cannot share the entire details).
Due to this experience, I had a gradual development of my anxiety, sadly not all of the people who I truly care knows this and most likely non from my family. It used to be so painful talking about it, especially that from mild anxiety, it raise to sever anxiety. I would have nights that I thought I was sleeping, not knowing that I had this fear in my head that if I fall asleep, I might have a nightmare and remember everything during that night.
I didn’t want to bring back that feeling as I knew no one would believe me, most especially if you’ve got no witness. It pains me still at times talking about it and makes me worried of my daughter. That this world is just full of evil. I still have this episodes, and it’s becoming so exhausting these days that I get it every other week. A lot of trauma in the past are naturally triggered by little words and gestures of people.
Being a used to be “extreme extrovert” I now preferred to be alone, or to just be surrounded by people. I wasn’t sure if that is because I am getting old, or what I don’t know!!.... Haysss…
I feel like I am just always walking through darkness, chasing some ray to get to certain place where I am meant to see the light. I have no idea where this dark season would take me, but I know for sure that the ray I am following will become radiant and brilliant one day, that it’ll help ease all of the pain, the brokenness, and somewhat heal from the past by leaving the dark path behind as I walk through it.
I hope that if you are going through things recently, know that we are all might walk through darkness, but be grateful that you aren’t walking in darkness, it is two different things that you may want to be aware of.
I want to share somehow words and encouragement that allows me to remain the kindness, humbleness, and enthusiasm that still allows me to live day by day and I quote:
“The Lord said, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.”
Psalm 91:14-15
May God’s word allows you to be reminded of how He cares for you, you may walk through darkness, but remember that He will never leave you nor forsake you. He sees you as His precious child, and one day, we’ll all understand the purpose why He allows these things to happen, in accordance to His will and to accomplish those for own good.
Till next time….
Cham