He is terribly afraid of dying because he hasn’t yet lived. — Franz Kafka
I, too, once lived in the upbeat urban life. The flickering green, orange, and red. Glass walls and concrete grays. It was before I turned 25, I had the illusion of having been chasing dreams in the wrong direction.
It was always, me and what I want to be—into the power struggle and the financial battles of an aspiring adult. The crippling cycle has soon exhausted me, the daily déjà vu of a hurried life, of people chasing time and losing sleep. That wasn't the life for me.
I went home.
A year later, I caught myself in the abyss of life. It is dark below here, but here I know that I am living and is alive. The depth of my falling gave me realizations, including the thought that living life is just an illusion, too. After a century or a millenium, would our aspirations and anxiety even matter to those who live after us?
That was one big revelation, am I even relevant to the world that I partake a very short time with? Before, I came into an agreement with myself that being mediocre is okay, there is no need to compete with anyone, even to myself—but right now, I am in lethargy. For what reason that I work hard to collect wealth and build houses, but just die within a century or less?
Maybe because I need to sustain life till old age and provide to myself, my family, and to others while still living.
A Sunset and The Dawning of Life
When I arrived to my hometown, I transitioned my life into farming—and is still a constant failure progress. I also lost my grip from a job I liked and my postgraduate course that I was enjoying in a bittersweet way.
After the storm, the Super Typhoon Odette 'Rai', visited our country, I further realized the importance of living simply and being sustainable. There was no electricity and internet, like the Super Typhoon Yolanda 'Haiyan' (2013), but right now it was more difficult. I lost my (second) job and I have pending exams coming soon, but without assurance of being able to continue next semester. My father is unwell and my sister is sick.
I was imagining about selling my, yet growing seedlings of, cucumbers—or tomatoes, mung beans, ginger, bottle gourd, grapes, guavas, etc. I was even dreaming of sharing my harvests to the community, but the thought of the crisis can be unbearable to be able to think well.
On a positive note, I have the resources to grow food. A year isn't just enough to be sustainable. I know, I know my parents are farmers too, and can provide for us, their children year-round. Maybe, I'm just proving myself, that I, too, can provide to them? Or maybe, just maybe, I am indifferent, and is just messing up my future? I hope to continue my parents' and ancestral legacy, even if they oppose it, which is going back to my roots and just do a simple and sustainable life.
A New Hobby
In these anxious moments, I found a new leisure—a therapy of some sort. While during daytime, I am busy toiling under the hot sun, or wet when it rains, I forgo my responsibilities and just go star bathing whenever it isn't raining. I also discovered this feature from my smartphone, that if I left it for five minutes, it can take great nighttime shots.
Partly, by being a millenial and a IT professional, I am deeply chained with technology and my devices. Doing something? Take a snap. Though, I do not punish myself from refraining that. There are moments too that I get fully immersed into what I do.
A huge part of me dreams to live on a house with a flat rooftop, I do have one in my house, but higher—slightly overlooking (maybe a tree house?), where I can laze myself at nighttime and just stare into the oblivion of darkness, enjoying the flickering lights of the night. In recent times, we, humans, have been sheltered away from the night sky. What if the answers to our questions are in the heavens above us and is just waiting to be seen?
Right now, I'll just enjoy the night sky at home, resolving my worries one at a time, and also plant more crops when tomorrow comes.
PINNED POST
 | Clearing the Damage After the Storm Instead of falling into anxiety, it took time to make use of what the storm had given. |
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Hive Support
How am I supporting Hive? I have been into Hive since it's early days, its ethos was the key driving force of my full migration. The level of witness availability and developers' passion to grow Hive with intent to protect and benefit the blockchain and community itself is the very essence of decentralization, while still being able to balance freedom and quality.
Without resources to become a witness and/or a whale curator, I encourage people who would stumble into my work to create quality contents that can also be consumed outside the Hive communities, through continual application of the desired level of quality in my blog and providing a method of selecting quality contents through HiveHealth.
Since my second hiatus due to urgent life intervention, I am building this account through consistent power ups and continual delegation to select curation services to support content curation even at minnow-level Hive Power.
A short-term goal is to go back to my near-dolphin state to personally support consistent authors. As a developer, I dream to redesign and deploy HiveHealth to inspire both authors and readers alike.
About Me
@oniemaniego is a software developer, but outside work, he experiments in the kitchen, writes poetry and fiction, paints his heart out, or toils under the hot sun.
 | Onie Maniego / Loy Bukid was born in Leyte, PH. He grew up in a rural area with a close-knit community and a simple lifestyle, he is often visiting his father's orchards during summer and weekends, which has a great impact on his works. |
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