So much happens in 365 days of my life it's hard to imagine reviewing an entire year in a single post.
Thus when The Kitty Girl suggested the following prompts this week in the Ladies Of Hive Community I thought, "I can do that!".
Here was what she wrote:
1️⃣ What was your greatest joy of 2022...?
And / Or
2️⃣ What was your greatest sorrow of 2022...?
In this post, I'll answer both. But first a quick lesson on how to get more in touch with your own genuine emotions, also known as becoming more emotionally intelligent. After all, this post is about emotions and this is something I know rather a lot about and it's something a lot of people struggle with.
On Hive, as well as with my own family and, of course, with my clients I see many, many people who are not okay with being with their sorrow. Call it sadness, call it grief, call it any name you like but know that it's the thing you feel when you've lost something (or someone) or are missing something (or someone) that you wish was still in your life.
Most of us aren't good at fully feeling our sorrow/sad feelings because so many of us have been taught "not to cry".
Maybe we were told to "cheer up" by a well meaning parent or berated for "being a cry baby" by an older sibling or taught "you'll need to toughen up if you're going to survive out there" by a teacher or sports coach.
But one thing is pretty much guaranteed: if you struggle to find anything to be sorrowful about or are very quick to reframe and "look for the positive" or you know you just can't be with your sorrow then at some point in your past, even if you can't remember it, someone communicated to you that sadness was not okay, was not allowed or was not safe.
For the longest time I was distracting, reframing, squashing my sadness. I would go years and years and years without crying. And I could never have told you what caused me sorrow in any given year. But now, after slowly, deliberately making it safe to feel my sadness I can cry again.
It's such a f*cking relief to be able to cry, yo!
I highly recommend it... when you're in the company of someone who will just calmly, patiently, gently let you be a big snotty crying mess.
So, what was my greatest sorrow in 2022?
Since no one I love died then I don't think I have one great sorrow for the year. Rather I have a series of times that caused me to feel sad enough to bawl my eyes out.
One of those times was when I realised how far away I was from my brother and nephew. We were on our way to visit them. There had been a difficult phone conversation that was hard on everyone that ended in me being hung up on. I thought about how little control I had in being able to see my younger brother who I adore and my less-than-one-year-old nephew.
Thankfully, by the time we got there everyone was coping a bit better and the visit went well.
Which brings to one of the moments this year that brought me a lot of joy: holding my nephew for the first time in his life.
I'm sure I have no idea what the greatest joy of my 2022 was but hugging my nephew was definitely up there along with hugging my very tall younger brother, walking and talking with my sister and hugging my mum after not seeing them for almost nine months.
All these interactions were all amazing.
Joy, it's another emotion people can struggle with. Usually we recognise how much people (including perhaps ourselves) struggle with feeling so-called negative emotions (sadness, anger, fear, etc) but we don't necessarily realise that many people (including perhaps ourselves) struggle to feel and express the so-called positive emotions.
{Side note: Since all emotions are useful, valid and naturally occurring there are, in my mind, no "positive" or "negative" emotions. However there are ones that can feel bad and we might have been taught that they're bad and so they get labelled as negative. The same is true with the "positive" emotions, but sorrow is just as valid and just as important as joy.}
Joy is another emotion I struggled with for the longest time. In fact, I'm sure I still have a long way to go with feeling fully safe to feel really joyful. This is common when you have parents who weren't okay with feeling their own joyful happiness with what life can offer. Joy can get shut down, and often does, in small children when they are too big, too excited, too much.
So if you, like me, also struggle to really let yourself feel all those joyful, happy, excited feelings about anything in life that lights you up, know you're not alone.
And more importantly that over time you can expand into greater joyfulness by spending more time with others who also express their joy. If they're safe and comfortable with their big happy feelings then there's a good chance that they'll be alright with making space for yours too.
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This is pure gold to be honest and reading through it made me reflect on my year from this point of view. It's nice to see you know how to handle your emotions and analyze what is good and what is bad. It's the only way of moving forward as burring things deep may be a short term solution, but can turn against you at some point.
Thanks for these treasures and Happy New Year if we don't meet till the end of the year 🙂
Thank you, love. I'm glad it really struck a chord for you.
And I wholeheartedly agree: burying our emotions only causes bigger problems later on.
HNY to you too 🤸♀️❤️🙌
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Hello @hivebuzz! Always happy to see your username pop up in the comments ☺️
Happy New Year to you, my dear.
And I have a question: Is there at glitch in this auto comment above? Is the number in the upvote graphic supposed to match the number written in text next to it?
I.e. 50,0000 and 50,0000
Not 35,000 and 50,000
Just curious! And pointing out in case it's something you want to know about.
If not, then !LUV and !HUGS (👈 token I'm wishing into reality 😅😁🤭) for a fabulous 2023.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Yes, there is no greater joy than being with your loved ones. Simply being together, calm and satisfied.
Have a great 2023 with the flow of satisfaction speckled with moment of joy.
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Nailed it. Totally 😊
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Oooooooh. 1. Thank you, Dear! And 2. That new profile pic is AWESOME. !LOL
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Thank you! The avatar pic is the first NFT I ever bought on NFT Showroom, by artist paolazun on Hive! 🙂
💗💗💗 Awesome!
I think being able to connect with the emotions of both joy and sorrow, once more, has to be the biggest win of 2022, my friend 🤗 I am so happy for you... on both counts. Giving expression to our emotions is such a necessary outlet for human beings to enable them to cope with the dynamic state of human life. I love that reconnection with your family happened after so long - life has been so isolating, hasn't it? I love your little reminder to all that we should all remember that even though the noise of our kids may feel like a bit much at times, we should allow them to shower their joy as much as possible (perhaps tempering it late at night !LOLZ) ... Thank you for a lovely read 💗!LUV
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100% yes. !LUV this so much. So much.
Haha. Totally 🤭 !LOLZ
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A great content to share in life my friend have a great day I love it so much.
Thanks, seyha.mich 🙏
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OMG, well that has made my
dayyear 🎉🤯🥳Amazing!!! That's a first for me. Yaaaaaaaay 🤸🤸♀️🤸♂️
You're welcome @consciouscat! The HiveBuzz team wishes you all the best for 2023! Have a Happy New Year ✨🥂✨
!LUV
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It sounds like your distance from family is both a bad and good thing. Hopefully you will get to see them enough to enjoy family time, but not so much that you feel forced back into old habits...
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This 👆 is so on point. That would be ideal!! 🙏
Thanks @wrestlingdesires !LUV
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Wow, what an amazing reflection, I'm going to keep this to remind me every time I want to bottle up my emotions, it's something I've also been dealing with and working on this year.
I used to think that crying or showing sadness was a "weak" thing to do and nothing could be further from the truth.
I'm so glad you were able to hug your nephew and brother, I hope they are doing great. Happy holidays to you and those close to you! <3
Thanks for your kind words @rosylisboa 🙏 And I'm glad that it's a helpful reminder for you ❤️ I'm curious, how will you keep this to remind me? (That's a great idea, btw!)
hello, @consciouscat ! a happy new year to you and your family ❤️. it warms my heart to be greeted by this blog of yours after months of not opening hive and being on hiatus. reading this made me tear up a little because i really found comfort in this, it speaks a lot to me and for me. i miss you and congratulations for winning the LOH Contest with this masterpiece of yours.
Oh, thank you dear. I miss you too little sis.
I hope you have been well and I'm so glad that my blog post brought you comfort, love.
Very Happy New Year to you too and a very big hug.
BTW, thanks for reblogging this @rene.neverfound 🙏😍😊 Sending !LUV
What a beautiful post. Accepting our emotions and being able to show them are both very difficult for a lot of people, Yours truly included. I used to joke with my BGF that it runs in our family, so, I guess pretty similar to yours. Thankfully, over the years some of my siblings started to open up, I got a hubby and I have never bawled as much as since I have been with him. Sounds kinda bad, right? But, honestly, the fact that I am letting out emotions is really good. And we are very happy together. Maybe he brings out the better me? I don't know, but it is good.
Happy New Year to you!
Thank you, @oceanbee 🙏
And to me, it's amazing that you're able to and have been bawling so much since you've been with your hubby. As I understand it, it means you finally feel safe to let out all the old stuff you've been carrying all this time. Better out and than in, I say! 😍
Bless you, for an awesome 2023. !LUV
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Thanks so much for reblogging this post, @arisad 🤸♀️🤸♂️🤸
Thanks for the reblog, @elisaday7 💗💗💗
Congratulations on your new nephew; I can completely relate to you that feeling.
My nephew was born when I was still back home, and holding him the first time they got home was indescribable. I will remember that feeling forever.
Also, congratulations on winning the contest.
Indescribable. Perfect word for it 😄😊
Thanks !LUV !!
BTW, I see you have listed in your Bio that you're on Bali. Are you still there? And if so, where? I lived in Ubud for 15 months several years ago and loved it!
Yes, I am still here.
Oh, that is so nice. Ubud, it is not my kind of vibe, but I like it,
I'm in Berawa area
Ah! I see :) Lovely.
Wow, I never thought of my emotions in this light but, after reading this I am now able to notice that Indeed I struggle with feelings my emotions, good or bad.
When something joyous happens to me, I usually think of others before I react.
For example, if I'm surrounded by people, I usually am more concerned with the atmosphere of the room, how people in there are feeling before expressing any kind of emotion actually. I don't know if that makes sense.
I think it's because I'm a people pleaser so I usually don't want step on anyone's toes.😅
Oh well, I'm happy you shared your moments with us. I can imagine how happy you must have felt holding your nephew for the first time and reuniting with your family after nine months! That's a whole lot of time.
Nice read.
A curious question; What does a Transformational Specialist do?
Hello @zitalove 😊
Thanks for your genuine, thoughtful comment.
It makes perfect sense, love. This is a learned behaviour that you will have picked up in childhood in order to stay safe. It's a common response in adults, so you're not alone. I know I do the same: I feel more safe sharing my joy or sorrow with certain close friends than I do with most of my family members.
And even with the people who are good at expressing their own joy and celebrating my joy (or sorrow, or anger, or fear, or whatever), sometimes they might be experiencing something big where my emotion is not appropriate to express. Like being excited at a funeral, probably not a good match for the environment.
We can all get better at expressing our emotions and making space for others to express their emotions with us. It's something we can learn. And it helps (a lot) if we prioritise building relationships with other people who care about doing the same thing.
And our subconscious mind will prioritise safety above all else, so if we are in environments/relationships where it's not safe to experience how we're truly feeling, we won't, we'll suppress it.
I made this term up to try to explain what I do in my work. I help people learn how to transform their lives through giving them access to tools and knowledge that helps them understand themselves, their innate personality and their emotions better. I work with clients and students who want to be their most authentic selves and are willing to prioritise that above most other things that society tell us are important.
Thanks for asking! !LUV
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I think this is the reason why. Sometimes the environment doesn't complement the emotion.
Sounds very practical and helpful. I feel like everyone needs a transformational specialist at one point in life. Well done.
🙏