Look for unhealthy perfectionism. Abusive people often operate with extremely unrealistic expectations. They believe that things should always go in a certain way or conform to their particular standards. They have a strong sense of what is “fair” and “unfair,” and they are generally very inflexible.[4] When things do not meet unrealistic expectations, abusive people may become explosive, resentful, angry and even violent.[5]
An abusive person usually holds other people to unrealistic and unfair standards as well, particularly romantic partners. The abuser may say things such as “You’re the only person I need in my life” and expect you to fulfill every single need.
Abusive people often become unreasonably angry over even minor difficulties, such as a traffic jam or a child’s low grade on an exam.
A person simply with perfectionistic tendencies do not necessarily mean he or she is a possible abuser. But the above behaviors can indicate someone with "red flags".
Consider whether the person displays “mood swings” or other signs of emotional disturbance. Everyone has mood swings sometimes, but abusive people often fluctuate between emotional extremes. It may feel like you are “walking on eggshells” around this person, or like s/he has a “hair trigger” that anything could set off.
Abusive people may bottle up their emotions until they explode. Or, they may become passive-aggressive and try to make you feel guilty in some way. Explosiveness and hypersensitivity are both warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person.
In some cases, emotional instability may be caused by mental or behavioral disorders. If this is the case, your partner needs treatment and counseling. You should not stay with an abusive person simply because s/he needs help
Think about whether the person accepts responsibility. Abusive people generally refuse responsibility for their actions whenever possible. They blame others for their feelings and actions.[7]
For example, an abusive person might say something like, “You just make me so angry when you contradict me that I can’t control myself.” This type of statement shifts the blame for personal actions to another person.
An abusive person might also blame others for the failure of past relationships. This can be difficult to see as a warning sign, especially if you seem to look good by comparison. For example, an abusive person might shift the blame for a past failed relationship by saying something like, “You’re so nice, not like the psycho I used to date.”
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You are right with this tho, mood swings are really unhealthy for everyone, and abusive person needs to be cut off.