We had a family occasion a few years ago, one that we were worried about not being able to handle but turned out to be the opposite. It was fun, laughter-filled, lots of dancing and singing and there was even groups of local bands performing. The neighbors and the whole community helped in the preparation then partied with us, ate, drank booze.
On the evening of the main day (the event lasted for two nights and a day), my sister and I were in the living room at the other house resting and chatting about how unexpected the occasion is turning out to be. We were ecstatic and happy that none of the things we have been stressed about happened. We were teasing each other that we actually were worrying of nothing when the door opened with two gentlemen helping my 24 year-old niece come in. She was crying and spurting random stuff. It was our first time seeing her drunk.
As she sat on the couch, she said some things that shocked both her mom and I...
Little did we know that she had been suffering alone for so long a time. She's introverted and preferred being alone, locking herself up inside her bedroom and would get mad if someone bothers her. That night however, she let loose and told us how many times she thought about doing things to herself. Only then that we learnt she was suffering from depression to the point of being suicidal. She was really close to the edge.
My sister and I cried not knowing what to do and just kept hugging her and saying we were sorry. We absolutely had no idea about how to comfort her and to make her let out everything. We were able to calm her for a while but she burst out again and we got really scared so we called her father who was clueless of what was happening. He was not able to do something too and we had no other option but to call our parents who were with some guests at their house next door.
Upon seeing my niece wrestling with her father, Dad said a little prayer then touched her forehead gently saying "if it is too painful, sleep and rest for a while and we will talk when you wake up."
My niece got quiet and sobbed herself to sleep, resting her head on her father's lap. While people out the covered yard were having fun, we were in complete mess (emotionally) at the house. My sister crying her eyes out, blaming herself not knowing what her daughter had been going through all those years.
We got an ounce of scolding too from Dad which made us feel grateful of how they had been giving their full attention to us during our youth which my sister seem to have missed applying to her own kids. Although they were able to provide them with all the material and financial support, they lacked time and real attention.
From the above personal experience, you'd readily know that I'm not a good advocate for a loved one or a friend who might be dealing with mental health concerns. I can lend my shoulders for them and can be a good listener too, but I'm utterly clueless of how to respond nor whom to contact for help except for my parents.
But thanks to the 100th Edition of the LOH challenge, I'm learning a lot from others through their posts. I'd like to invite @ayane-chan to check this challenge out.
By the way, my niece is doing better and now living with our parents. She recently started her own business and happily reported while visiting me here days ago that she's loving what she does and no plan of returning to the city in the foreseeable future. She's now more open and according to Mom, she is not locking herself up in her room. I believe she's in good hands being with our old folks.
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Nkakalungkot yung ganito, yung kapamilya mo mismo..hndi mo alam ano gagawin..perp actually, tayo2 lang din mkakasolve...
You know this girl at home, she likes locking herself in her room too..she might look jolly outside, but deep inside, my tinatagong emotions and hatred. Napansin ko yung nung nag away2 sla dto..yung mga words na binitawan nya, at panu sya umiyak..dun ko narealize na, need nto ng company..that's one of the reason na nag renew ko ng contract, and wait ko na lang until mkapunta sya abroad for studies..hopefully makayanan nya.bt Im still worried..
Kaya ako, lage na lang sya kinakausap at sinasakyan kung ano man gusto nyang trip..just to let feel na, may taong katulad din nya 🤣..I mean, someone na pwede na kausapin kung she feel lonely...
True that sis, sobrang guilt ang naramdaman during that time and even after. Now that she looks better, at least okay na rin feeling.
You're so awesome to be doing that. Kakatakot mga youth ngayon, ang dali nila ma-depress and they are good at hiding their feelings, playing happy and all but they are actually dying on the inside. Hoping that young lady will learn to share her burdens to others especially to her parents. Kudos to you !LADY for being you :)
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She can't, ina tlga mindset ng nanay nya..iwan. Minsan napapatanong ako panu naging nanay yun, hndi marunong maging ina...buti nga lng at matalino at responsible yung anak, yun lang depressive type din..kaya need lang constant communication...
Halla... yan ang mahirap yung walang kamalay-malay ang sariling ina or kung iba ang mindset. She's fortunate at nandyan ka. Hope maging okay sya
I'm sorry she was where she was and you had to go through that. It's good that she's better. Thank you for sharing and have a lovely day!
Thank you Liz :) Yes, she is faring better and hopefully heal completely. Cheers to you today and always
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That a whole lot to take in for a very long time.
Glad she could open up eventually and get to pour all that out
That's true. It was unimaginable how she was able to hold them in.
!PIZZA
It's one example where money cant buy everything
Yes, you're right about that. One thing that some parents neglect while trying to provide for their family. Thank you for your thoughts :)
!LADY
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Reading your post reminds me of a story of one minister who got depressed and was unable to help the members of the church suffering the same depression. It's good that a group of biblical counselors from Overseas Instruction in Counseling held a seminar in their place. He was invited to attend. While listening to the speakers, the minister came to a realization and later made a public confession that he was not setting a good example to his flock. What happened then was a long story. That was actually the background of why a counseling program was introduced to our school. That happened before the pandemic. I was happy to see one clinical counselor, a psychology graduate student, and even a lawyer who enrolled in this program believing that the current approach in their profession to solve people's problems isn't working. They see a need for real and long-term change from those who suffer from such chronic depression. Even the CHED in CALABARZON acknowledged that there is really a need for studies in the field of mental health.
That's awesome to know. Depression and other forms of mental health issues are becoming common nowadays and that professional field definitely needs an upgrade. It is scary how some people especially the youths getting easily depressed.
!LUV
We are living in an era that is too preoccupied with self. Hence, psychology is considered these days the queen of sciences. The study of God is considered old-fashioned and obsolete. However, if it is really true that man is a creature of God, there is no one that better understands him but his Creator. I am afraid that the conclusion of one philosopher about our age might be accurate:
I hear you. It's a challenge this era is facing and we hope to see it through...
Yes, talk about the end of modernism and the advent of postmodernism. Philosophers disagree about the nature of these ideas, but at least they agree on one thing that something new will emerge from its ruins.
That's the good thing, something goes away, a new one comes along.
I could feel you @ifarmgirl, sometimes we may feel helpless and wonder what we can do to support them. You did your best by showing empathy and being a good listener, those are two important ways we can help someone experiencing mental health issues.
Am glad to hear that she's better and enjoying what she's doing now, thanks for sharing !LADY
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Thank you lots :) It was rather frustrating being unable to do anything but yes, glad my niece is doing well now.
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Though you may not know what are the rights words to say, sometimes your presence alone is enough to let them feel that there is someone there for them (surely just depends on the situation). Anyway, glad to know that your niece is doing well now. I might check this challenge out, too. Thanks for the tag po. :))
Thank you Ayane for making me feel better through your kind remarks hehe. Cheers to you and happy Sunday
!LADY
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I have fallen into depression before, I have had very negative thoughts, but airing it out helped me a lot, I just wanted to be heard, thanks to the beautiful friends around who helped me come out of it. So, you lending a shoulder is much of a big deal, it would go a long way to ease the heart. Thanks for the topics as this is where we get to learn every day.
Glad to know you have amazing friends around you. It is good when we don't bottle up everything inside. Thank you lots !LADY for your kind words :)
Have a lovely weekend!
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It is a terrible thing to find out that a loved one has been suffering alone for so long.
It is good that she had her breakthrough and has turned things around.
Not all do that.
It was John. It was just good she took the courage to take most of it out rather than keep bottling them in.
!CTP
Family is really everything
Yes to that, thank you for your input :)
!PIZZA
I am glad your niece is doing fine at last😁.
Yes she is, thank you :)
That's why we all need a listener.
That's right. We have to lend an ear to others as well.
Wow this is so touching😪
But thanks goodness she is doing fine now
Yes she is, thank you lots :)
!PIZZA
You are welcome 🤗
I'm so happy to hear your niece is doing well now. We never know what's going on internally people, which is why it's best to always be kind, wherever possible. Yes! Smile and laugh as much as you can! Life is a gift 💙
Yes, she is doing fine. I think she is slowly healing on the inside. Thank you :) And you are right about being kind and share happiness and laughter wherever we go.
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You were THERE, in the nick of time, and sometimes that is the best you can do ... praying for your niece...
You are right, praying can do a lot. Thank you !LADY❤
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You're welcome!
I am so glad your family event turned out well. Thanks for sharing.
It did, thank you :)
!PIZZA