Somehow I came out of it, with a stronger appreciation of life. Hey there Hivians, I've been gone for a couple... of weeks? And we're just gonna get right back into the swing of things. Been having a slightly difficult time conveying my thoughts as a plethora of events have recently happened. It's finally time to take a seat and write about them once again. Like the title states, last Monday was my 32nd birthday, and I requested off from work to attend a funeral.
You never really know how you may have impacted someone's life, until you receive an invite to a wedding... or this, the types of events where only the nearest and dearest get attend. For myself personally, this was the third time attending the latter for someone I was not directly related to. I remember initially reading about the news on a Facebook post my friend made after her mother recently passed. I thought to myself how sad, considering that they were only beginning to get along again. This friend of mine, we lived together for a year... on the mainland... when we're both from Hawaii, we've got quite the history. I even attended the family vacation to Disney World in Florida with her, her parents, and husband years back. I'd consider her one of those friends I'd answer a call for at 3am in the morning. And not too long ago I set up one of my friends to be her roommate, when she moved back to the islands. We've been through a lot together, and although not related by blood, I see her as my hanai (informally adopted as) sister.
What made this... interesting to me, was that it wasn't her that invited me to her mother's funeral. It was her father, who had hand delivered the invite to my workplace. I had just missed him when I showed up for my shift. My general manager and the store lead were both extremely curious to who I knew and what kind of life I had lived for a well-dressed older gentleman to show up to my workplace with an envelope in hand for me with my name written on it. I didn't know what to expect because I wasn't provided too much information on what it could be about. I opened the envelope to see an invite to this event, along with a picture of my friend's mother. I looked and saw the date, it was my birthday. I thought to myself, what better way to spend this day than being there for a friend.
Flash forward to last Monday. I had asked if I could carpool with my friend and her husband to the funeral home as it was not reachable by public transit. I caught the bus halfway there, got myself lost, and Ubered the rest of the way to my friend's house. The car ride there was pretty normal, since we all knew eachother's dynamics, we were rather calm, making small talk here and there. My job that day was to be the supportive friend. I had worn all black. I didn't even know I had an all black outfit before this. Haven't really been wearing much lately outside of my work uniform and my pajamas. I also had a bouquet in hand, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do, so I tried to wing it like in the movies.
When we got there, I greeted her father, and thanked him again for inviting me. I didn't get the memo, but mostly everyone else was dressed in aloha-casual. I was dressed like a crow, and my friend had chosen to wear pink. It was something of a surreal experience. We head into the Mortuary, and my friend and her husband meet with the funeral director. The few others that showed up early and myself make it down a short hallway, around a corner, and over to the room where the viewing was being held. Shortly met after by my friend who was setting up the guestbook and a place for donations to the family. I had a gatorade in hand, and I placed it behind a chair in the hall to "save for later", as no food or beverages were allowed in the room itself. Her father returned from outside and remarked how he knew it would rain that day.
More guests arrived and everyone was taking turns heading into the room as a maximum of 10 people were allowed in at a time. Feeling awkward as ever I stood out in the hall, and met a cousin of the deceased who was also being awkward, camping in one of the chairs out in this hallway. She seemed pretty nice, so we struck up conversation, primarily, people watching the other guests. We both ended up heading into the room last. I walked up to the casket to see my friend's mom, who I've met several times in the past. The open part of the casket separated by glass. They did her makeup well, I thought to myself before whispering a few words of my own to her as I'm sure many others have done. To say their last farewells. I rejoined my new buddy back in the hallway, before my friend, her husband, and her father re-emerged from the room. They were trying to find someone to take family photos of them back inside the room. Before I knew it, I volunteered myself. Her husband compared my phone's camera quality to his and conceded that I should be the one to take the photos. I took several.
After the viewing ended, we carpooled up to the burial site. It was raining earlier, but it began to clear up. After leaving the car, I again volunteered myself to hold my friend's umbrella and purse so she could be a pallbearer. When her father approached, I asked for his umbrella too. The least I could do. Luckily the area had a tent setup for such an occasion. As the pallbearers carried her mother to her final resting place I found my way into the seating area. I sat there, alone, but in no way more alone than everyone else in attendance felt. When my friend and her family returned to their seats, I pulled my phone out again to take more photos. Candid shots of the ceremony. Family, friends, and colleagues shared memories of her mother, before she was lowered into her grave. They sang Aloha Oe. Even though I've lived in Hawaii my entire life, I've never heard any of this song other than its chorus before. What an amazing song. Everyone was in tears when the chorus finally hit. I had taken video of the lowering, and photos of my friend crying at the grave, her husband embracing her from behind. It was at this time that I walked up and threw the boquet onto the casket.
My ride showed up soon after, and I said bye to everyone before heading out. I immediately went home, put all of the photos and video onto a USB stick and dropped it off at my friend's house. I was happy that I went, but the experience did give me a lot to think about. Many people don't say everything they want to tell someone, and some will lose the chance to. Also that if you spent time enjoying, you've lived a life worth living.
I am so sorry for your friends loss and that you had to endure this on your birthday but this is life and you overcame it and even blogged about it to releave the thoughts, well done. Take care
Thank you for your kind words 🙏 😊 I needed to get a lot off my chest, and writing definitely helped!
Dear this is the place to do that and being supported and empires by other ladies of hive is the best remedy!
And you have a way with words so please dont stop and blog on and most of all have fun on hive you are worth it
See you in the comments or on a blog
Have a great weekend
Burying the dead is a corporal act of mercy.
You spent your birthday well.
Happy Birthday!
Thank you for the well wishes. I agree, the day was well spent!
Good to see you around :)
Ah I've missed you @celestal c: