Don't worry, the title's not nearly as dark as it sounds. It's a line from the late Mac Miller, and the song is actually about (and titled) Self Care.
As I was growing up, I moved around a lot and always had a hard time developing long-term relationships because of it. I learned how to quickly and easily detach myself from friends. Over time, I learned also developed a rather restricted sense of self-esteem. Always being the new kid, I was either interesting and desirable, or the weird new kid that people didn't want to sit by. This led me to avoid becoming the center of attention for whatever reason.
Eventually I convinced myself my desire to not be the center of attention was a good thing. I used religious beliefs of staying humble as a metric by which to say my behavior about being quiet was commendable. However, I never stopped to consider what my habits were doing to my self image. My lack of being confident in myself has cost me at least one opportunity to take a $100k+ a year job because I felt I wasn't good enough to do the job. Ever so slowly over time, I've come to view myself as "just a kid" who wasn't capable of doing something worthwhile.
Over the last couple of years, I finally realized how negatively I was being affected by what I thought was doing the right thing. I started looking at my life from a new perspective and wanting to make things better. After going through the darkest part of my life, I was able to return to a job I had regretted leaving. Not only did I return to the old workplace, I also came back with a raise and a better title. I'm still working through really feeling confident and like I deserve to be where I am, but I've started telling myself I really DO deserve what I have!
I have to admit, it still feels silly to sit and type out a post about myself. There are millions of people in the world, why would people care to read about me?! Hey, maybe nobody will, but I'm here simply to say that I've decided that this year is the first time I'm going to "let myself" enjoy my birthday! I've spent so long not caring about it, but today is different. I'm picking a special meal for dinner, having a fancy latte, and eating the ice cream my son got me. I don't want to talk down to myself anymore. I want to be a confident person for myself as (or more) than for my family. I have a legacy to leave to my kids, and I want to make sure my kids know I always went after the things I wanted!
Being happy about your birthday is not arrogance, it's self care! Take care of yourselves folks. We are our own first line of defense against negativity!
First of all, Happy birthday to you @robsteady. Though belated. Hehe
Some of the asects of your personality stated by you are relatable to me as well. For instance, placing myself at a much lower value than I really am.
My experience tells me that it's a constant battle to refrain you from devaluing yourself. It's not like okay now I no more devalue me. Nah! You keep on doing that one way or the other. However,the awareness that you do it makes you able to counter your thoughts and actions.
So far as writing about yourself is concerned, I want to tell you that it's the best thingt share your personal unique thoughts, life experiences and encounters. It is because what you would tell is genuinely felt and thus keeps the intensity to create an effect on the reader.
We learn from other people experiences, don't we? It's very likely that your discussion of yourself would let other people develop the understanding of their own lives. Also, they may learn the lessons needed to make their lives better. So, always share about you with confidence and courage. It's a favor done to the reader.
#dreemerforlife #dreemer
Thank you so much for the comment! I'm very happy to see a decent number of people feel the same way about these kinds of posts as you do. And yes, it's a daily (hourly or less?) struggle to keep myself with a positive attitude about myself. I've been a little more vocal with some friends and family about how I'm putting more effort into being positive on myself and I've been getting a lot of support.
Hehe. And how would you see if you didn't share your thoughts.
That's wonderful
What a fantastic looking family there! hehehe
and that baby - oh my gosh. I would say he needs to be a baby model - but please no. LOL the modeling industry is so evil - but he is PRETTY enough to be any model! hehehe
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
my mom's bday is in 5 days - she'll be 69 hehe she can hardly believe how the time has flown. but that's how it is with all of us right?
What you're describing - isn't that what they have now labeled "impostor syndrome"? I can't keep up with all the new terms.. but new terms notwithstanding, its all the same feelings that we've been dealing with since the beginning of time right??
So many of us struggle with that same feeling. and some - not all the time, but it comes in waves that knock us down and grind us in the wash. It's a terrible feeling - feeling worthless, or undeserving. but they're all lies.
and i'm so glad that you have figured out that THIS YEAR it ends! THIS YEAR you celebrate your achievements and you can STILL be humble and share in that quiet appreciation that comes with faith - without feeling like you're grabbing for anything more than is normal! right? we can be proud of who we are without showing excess amounts of that harmful pride. we can! and you're doing it!
and most importantly - you're BREAKING the cycle of what you've experienced and passing a NEW legacy down to your kids. THAT - is the icing on the cake. that is worth leaving behind!!!
so - yeah!!!!
cheers to this year being special for you!!!
Thanks so much! Yeah, it probably would be labeled impostor syndrome, but I've never taken the time to try to even figure that side of it out. I definitely agree it's nothing new, but that also makes it frustrating because we still haven't learned how to communicate this feeling as something to fight from a young age. I really appreciate the kind words. It will probably take a bit of work to get over some of the things I need to, but I'm definitely moving in the right direction!
I agree, our little guy is a very handsome little one.
hehehe same here - i kept seeing that label everywhere - and i had no idea what it meant! LOL looked it up - and i was like oh! that??? that's been around since the dawn of time! LOL
i think those labels sometimes end up dividing us.
when the feeling unites us - cuz we can all relate! once we share!!!
and you did that beautifully - it took courage to share that. it's not always easy being vulnerable to a sea of faces on Hive. hahaha but occassionally you find people that just get it :)
as far as getting over it - hmmm i'll let you know when i get over mine. i'm 47 and still working on it. hahahaha we are all works in progress LOLOL
Ironically, even as an introvert, I find it much easier to be vulnerable in posts here. Maybe because I don't personally know anyone on Hive (other than my wife's abandoned account) so I don't feel like I need to worry about anything I say coloring their feeling towards me? I've come to learn there are a lot of hurting people out there, and many of them just need someone else to say something similar to what they're going through. It helps fight the sense of loneliness when suffering. With the internet and all the fancy stuff we have these days, no one should feel alone in their struggles. I'll definitely share if I find any special shortcuts!
I understand completely - when I first started - I was the same.
I could write anonymously (i was anonymous back then) and use this space almost as a journal. I'm more easily identified these days hahaha and i SEEM like a very public boisterous social person. but in reality- I'm a classic introvert. LOL
well - technically they call introverts that can PRETEND to be super social and hide their introvertedness well - as ambiverts. (see.. another label LOL)
but - long story short - yes. i get you. hehehe
i think as you become more known - it can become either easier... or harder... to share some of the more vulnerable things.
but when you have that safe feeling - and people that are just... yeah. its nice :)
it takes time - but when you find them, its really worth it.
and something you said just hit me... our community was considering a collab with another community called @freecompliments. cuz we felt that it was a really nice fit. they do the same thing as what you're saying. and they are kindred spirits - because its what we say (and i say) also.
there are too many hurting people out there. we can all be kind and genuinely love.
if you recall - it was THAT comment you made on Pen's post... that first made me circle back to your own blog and get to know you more. because you encouraged him to keep smiling to make someone's day - because we just never know.
i am a firm believer that kindred spirits find each other.
anyway - if we end up doing that collab - i'll be sure to ping you - maybe its a fun thing you join! heheh but at the very least - check out their community! you might find some more of your tribe there! hehehe dreemers always love to connect people to where they find their home. and sometimes its with us! hehehe and sometimes we are only the conduit. either way is good for us!
I'm definitely going to swing by that community. As we were talking already, I was thinking of the "smile" comment. I'm not the best at being a consoling person, but I try to at least be some kind of goodness to people.
It's always fun going out with people because my wife is a super-extrovert, but I'm definitely not. However, once I get the feel of a place and the people, I can start to come out of my shell but then my "social batteries" drain about five times faster.
you really caught me on that comment.
Pen is a great friend of mine, and just seeing some "stranger" take the time to leave a meaningful comment to him. it meant a lot to me.
and yes - hehe i like the idea of parties... ok. no. that's a lie. LOLOL i mean - i try to like the general concept of a fun time celebrating people. and i do like that. i just don't like attending. because the drain is so real. the drain. is so. damn. real.
but if i'm with 3 close friends. or 2... or best - 1 hehehe
i can talk and talk and talk.
my best friend used to come see me at my house every few months. she had homes in two countries. USA and another place. so when she would be in my neck of the woods... i shit you not. we sat on two couches facing each other and talked for 18 hours straight - and only took breaks to eat. and we ate together and talked still LOL
and i felt so ENERGIZED by that.
but 18 hours of a crowd?.. strike that. 3 hours with a crowd??? sounds like it was planned by the devil himself ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I'm glad you finally see your birthday as a reason to celebrate :) Happy birthday 🙌
Hopefully you will find many other occasions this year which make you happy. Enjoy exploring Hive, as well as the physical world around you :)
#dreemerforlife
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Thank you, I'm looking forward to be a fun year of growth!
Well, it is nice you see the need to truly celebrate yourself and not let the negative thoughts get to you.
That's a nice take to life, and I am glad you are having sweetened fun at it.
Hello dearest fashionable dreemer. Happy New Day. I hope you
hadstill having a good day as you should. You deserve it and even more! I waltzed in from #dreemport, for I am an amazing #dreemer. An awesomely made #dreemerforlife.Happy birthday, Rob! Sounds like you had just the perfect evening planned: Family... a favourite meal, and ice cream!! hehe. Your kids are gorgeous! Wow, three boys - HANDFUL hahaha and I say that because I have two boys (11 and almost 13!) and I know how lively that can be 😂 In fact my youngest had his birthday yesterday so you are almost twinsies... albeit umpteen years apart... hehe. But Wow, I bet with a baby thrown in, life can get a bit crazy and sleep-deprived at times in your home hehe... this too shall pass!
I hope you had a lovely time celebrating you with your fam. I think you will find more people resonate with who you are and how you feel about being inside your skin than you might think. And sharing that vulnerability can be scary, but damn... you know what?? Sharing vulnerability drives connection with those who resonate and understand most! And it's all about perspective too. My sister will tell me... "... gee Sam, I can't do what you do. You're an extrovert!" And I will shake my head and say... um nope. At heart, I love small close-knit groups of people with engaging, warm conversation... or intellectual debate... but I don't enjoy big crowds, or being the centre of attention. I love sharing with people. But in bigger crowds or if I suddenly look up and see a bunch of people engaged with me simultaneously? I get too self-conscious... I tend to start feeling like I am disconnected from everything and everyone. I start to see myself as an observer of everything that is going on, outside of myself... like a fly on the wall to my own life. It's unsettling and disengaging. So, special times with special people are what fulfill me. And self-promotion? ...aargh - shoot me now 🤣 I love that others can do it! Wonderful, truly... but it's something I have never done well. My boss has told me that I do a great job, but that I need to toot my own horn a bit more to be noticed outside our immediate team! But I'm like... hmm, I'd rather let my actions and integrity speak for themselves. If people can't work out my value from that... then that is on them. I don't need the fast-track career plan lol... I am quite happy finding that nice balance between family and work and building relationships with those around me. I'm glad you have found a nice niche at work, that you are being valued this time around, and that in turn is building confidence in your abilities. Everyone deserves that.
Moving around a lot makes it much harder to build and retain close friendships. That must have been exceptionally difficult for you, especially as a kid. Are you still connected to anyone from those many different lifetimes ago or do you find that you are mostly connected to the people in your space now? I ask because I know how even a single long-distance move as an adult can turn one's world upside down. You no longer have people around you with a common history, with similar upbringings, people to reminisce with, people who get you completely because of shared experience. HARD! I get it. I found connection again as soon as I found a new common thread that I could build from... in my case, becoming a mom and having my kids start school. I made a couple of very close friends through my children. But the weird thing? The person who I connect with most in the world outside of my immediate family, and who feels closer to me than almost anyone I know, lives about 5,500 miles away, and I only met her 2.5 years ago. Different history, but similar values, so many connections, and the same heart! So... Life, huh!? Sometimes we just have to let go and trust that there is something bigger at work behind the scenes, ensuring that our lives are turning out just as they should be. And also that timing is everything! And in the end, we have to be prepared to dreem bigger than the usual dreams that occupy the landscape, position ourselves, and be patient. And now... after that way too long comment hehe, the Port beckons me so I must head off for a bit. I'm going to go and check in with some of the dreemers in our lovely community 🤗
PS: is that a river behind you in that bottom pic? Looks massive!!!
Yep, the baby is also MUCH younger than the older two, so it's been really interesting adjusting to having a little one around again.
Your description of being around people and promoting yourself sounds exactly like the kind of things I go through. I had even tried my hand at streaming/content creation. I had a lot of fun with it, but you REALLY need to be your own promoter to start out, and I always felt like I was forcing a feeling I didn't really have. I may give that a try again sometime, but I'm just not always my own best advocate.
There are only a couple of people I keep in touch with from when I was a kid. Even those people aren't very close friends, but we know we can reach out if we want to. The two main ones I think of have both moved out of state, so we wouldn't be able to set up an on-the-spot lunch date or anything. My wife and I met and started dating when we were in high school, so that's one old relation that I keep a better connection with :-). Some of the best friends I've made in the last few years were internet friends, so I get what you mean about finding people like that as well!
As for the second picture, there is a pretty big river there, yes. That was from a family trip to the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina. I had been there as a teen, and I had always told my wife I wanted to bring her there. We finally got there for a vacation as a whole family a few years ago. My sons look so little in that photo compared to now, it's crazy.
I appreciate the long comment. It's nice to have actual conversations in comments instead of some of the 3-5 word messages you see sometimes!
Oh goodness! A few wow mentions here... you met your wife at school? That's wonderful! So lovely when those relationships grow so beautifully together. My hubby and I met at a local English pub in South Africa. Been together 27 years. Time flies! And your kids are much bigger now? How old are they now? And is your baby still a baby? hahaha I've heard of the Smokey Mountains but never been to North Carolina. I had a colleague who moved over to N. Carolina many years ago. His dad is American, his mom British. So he had dual citizenship. He ended up marrying an American woman and moving back to London at some point but I remember seeing his pics on FB and it always looked idyllic out there. If I recall correctly, Dawson's Creek was filmed in North Carolina too! I love the mountains. They are my happy place 🤗 Maybe I'll visit the Smokies one day too. I'd love to hike in the Colorado Rockies and the BlueRidge Mountains too! I've spent time in the Drakensberg Mountains, the Lake District in England, and in the Sierra Nevadas... all gorgeous.
👆THIS 💯% - Because... well... it's not that easy to connect with people 3-5 words at a time, right?! 😅
Connection in the comments is something I tried to do from my start on Hive. About two months in, I stumbled upon a community collaboration on Hive that was promoting connection through comments, and I joined in... that was pretty much the start of my journey with Dreemport... I've met some lovely people through the community and never looked back. When you find your tribe, where you belong; an online community that feels like family - in the best sense of the word lols... it makes it a joy to log on each day.
Catch you soon, Rob!
Yes, the baby's picture is about a week old. He'll be 8 months old in about 2 weeks. The two older boys are now 17 (or will be this coming Friday) and the other turned 15 in December. And yes, we have a BIG gap between our first two sons and the new one.
Wow! That last line hits me really deep.
You have a very beautiful family. I am glad you are really taking this step and looking after yourself with your family by your side every step of the way.
Happy Birthday🎂🎂🎂 to you .
Always a #dreemerforlife
Self-care is what I love doing most time!
My health, my well-being, and my entire existence need to be handled properly, good quality meals need to be eaten including vegetables and fruits.
Normally, our daily activities such as work, gyming, parenting, and multitasking are quite overwhelming but we should always find time to take care of ourselves because without us, those activities will be dormant.
#dreemerforlife