It’s been a while I let the words just flow from me, so today I will let that happen. I have been so busy with my mind lately, trying to figure out the things that I have been thinking about that I shouldn’t be thinking about and also learning to custom my mind to think about things that will improve my actions because I believe that our thoughts are what give birth to our action.
I struggle a lot with accepting myself for some things that I have allowed and sometimes it turned out to be the right thing and other times I regret it. I make a decision on something but I end up discarding it at some point which is something that I’m worried about, although not all the time. I’m actually happy it happens that way sometimes because it has saved me a lot but then, sometimes I feel I need to be more strong willed and that is something that I can’t really do for a long time.
I have been strong willed a couple of times and I know how it was. It made me feel proud of myself although I kept fighting the doubt in my head whether or not what I was doing was the right approach to things. Speaking of doubt, one of the things that have always made me waver in anything I do is doubt. The moment I see anything negative about something or someone I start having doubts about whether or not I know enough about that thing or person as I claim I do. I’m worried that at a point like that, if something else happens, I might completely lose my confidence in that person or situation.
In all these struggles that I have, one thing is common among them, the moment I start letting my mind think about things freely, from that point forward I start loosing my strong will and doubt starts crawling in. The moment I start asking myself too many questions, that moment it’s the right opportunity for everything to start happening all at once. Interestingly, all of these things happen in my mind because that’s where my thoughts flows from both consciously and unconsciously.
I only start understanding all of these things about myself when I started reading about it. So far, I have been able to learn some ways to deal with these things but it is going to be really hard for me. It might take some time but I know I’m going to not just learn but I’d also put what I have learnt into practice because that’s where the reward is and as they say, nothing good comes easy. At least, I know what my problem is and I have started learning about the ways to deal with it. For a very long time I denied that the problem was from me, I believed it was from the other person or from the situation I was in but that’s not completely true.
Maybe we both shared a part in it but for the most of it, I’m the one who needs fixing more because I saw the problem. The problem will always seem to be not from us because we believe we know ourselves so much but then, when we take some time to introspect ourselves and be a lot truthful, we will see the areas that make the problem more from us than others. Mind you, not every problem comes as a result of us being bad people. I have been able to figure out the first stage and now I’m moving to the next stage but I think I’m beginning to doubt again that this might not work but.. I know it will and I’m trying to keep my head above water.
My thoughts are barely aligned but this is the much I have to say after speaking directly from some of the thoughts that are going through my mind at the moment.
Thanks for reading through. ❤️
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Thank you. 🥰
Hey there, love. First off, it is nice that you allowed your thoughts flow freely. Sometimes, that is exactly what we need- we need to pen down the things that go on in our mind. It was kind of difficult for me to decide the main message- I guess it is because you wrote things things directly from your head.
Out of the many things you mentioned, one that resonates with me is doubt. Sometimes, when I see negative things about someone or something, I take a step back and rethink- I believe that is how it should work.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, my love.
I was a bit not in a great mood the day I wrote this and I just wanted to know what’s on my mind. After I clicked on publish I felt better because I got a solution to my problem.
Indeed, it’s best to pause and rethink things before acting again and I learnt that from my man too recently. 🤭