The difference between solitude, which is when we long for the company of others and do not achieve it, and being alone, which involves voluntarily taking time of one's own between social interactions. Chosen solitude can be very revitalising, but there is nothing beneficial about it if we experience it as a punishment or if it makes us feel excluded from others. In a hyper-connected world, it is important to learn to appreciate the small moments of disconnection and to take time out from time to time to get in touch with our inner feelings.
Solitude enhances creativity. Many writers, artists, poets, and thinkers have spoken of their need for solitude over the centuries. Not all creative people are introverted, although many are. This is suggested by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly in his famous book Flow (Kairos): “Exceptional creators tend to be rather introverted”.
Microsolitude moments can improve children's behaviour. When you mark in your diary sometime for yourself, you are teaching your daughter or son that it is healthy to be with himself or herself. Some studies show that children who learn to spend some time alone are better self-regulated than those who do not. Teenagers, too, need this time to free themselves from the dreaded peer pressure.
Be alone to be more empathetic. Some research suggests that a certain amount of alone time can help us to be more empathetic towards the people around us. It is not always easy to find these moments, especially in these times when technology has transformed even our way of being alone. Even when no one is at home, we hardly ever switch off from communicating with others, be it through WhatsApp or other social networks. “It's just a message, or a tweet”, we tell ourselves. But even in cases where we find it difficult to disconnect completely, it is useful to make changes and reduce the time we spend glued to a screen. A study of teenagers found that just five days after eliminating their contact with technology devices, kids improved their ability to interpret emotions and facial expressions, which is key to cultivating empathy.
We learn to appreciate our own company. “Loneliness is dangerous. It is addictive. Once you see the peace it brings you, dealing with people stops being interesting,” says an anonymous saying. It is not necessary to fall into misanthropy, but the truth is that those who learn to be at ease without company may find themselves with an unexpected gift: discovering themselves along the way. After all, we are the only people we have to live with for the rest of our lives.
Improve your relationships. When we take time to take care of ourselves in a relationship, or any other kind of relationship, we end up strengthening our bond. Even with friends, we can often see how a brief absence makes us appreciate them more. Having friends and a support network is important for our health and wellbeing, as we said above, but taking a break from time to time and making a good plan alone can help us appreciate our relationships even more.
It helps you increase your mental resilience. We will never tire of repeating that we are social creatures, but some studies show that our ability to tolerate solitude is associated with a greater sense of happiness, more life satisfaction and better stress management. People who enjoy their time alone are less likely to suffer from depression.
Being alone gives you the opportunity to review the direction of your life. We plan a lot of things: parties, holidays, weddings, dinners, family events… But we rarely take the time to make plans to make the most of our lives. Allowing ourselves spaces of micro-solitude gives us the opportunity to review the purpose of all those plans. In those quiet moments we can finally think about our goals, the progress we are making towards them and the changes we may need to make if we have lost sight of the compass.