Some while ago I discovered a friend of mine had been lying for many months; I was devastated, disappointed and quite angry all at once, all of which I explained to my friend a little after the truth was revealed.
Her reason was, in her mind, justified however from a friend's perspective I do not feel it was because it removed the ability for her friends group to come together in support, something she'd have benefitted from; I guess shame and embarrassment are powerful motivators so she'd hidden the truth behind a web of lies and it left me questioning the strength of the relationship.
I discussed this with my guy, how I felt, and predictably he turned it back on me cleverly helping me delve into my true feelings and possible ways forward and then guiding me to a decision I eventually made myself. He always does that knowing it's best done that way; I don't want to be told what to do, just helped along the road towards the ultimate decisions I make for myself.
We went on to speak about truth and lying in general and, also predictably, he had a relevant quote to share, two in fact.
The first was, "betrayal is the only truth that sticks," (Arthur Miller) which my guy used to justify how I was feeling about my friend having lied to me, to hammer home the fact I felt betrayed, and that it was ok to feel that way. Obviously the conversation was deeper than I've just eluded to.
The second was, "all truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them," (Galileo Galilei) which my too-clever-for-his-own-good guy used to indicate the importance of finding the truth, seeking it even though it may not be clearly apparent at first. That part of the conversation suggested that I might be best to give my friend a break and instead look inwardly and understand why I didn't see the situation for what it was and work harder to seek the truth earlier on so that I might have helped her sooner.
I've spoken at length with my friend, we got a few of us together and talked things out, found common ground and discovered that our friendships, the group of us, were were stronger than we had at first thought or given ourselves credit for.
People can be strange, I can't blame my friend for lying to us about her situation and I can't blame her for my own reaction to having been lied to, that's on me.
I don't really know the details, but when a close friend lied to me, I like to weigh the gravity of it. How does the lie affect me and the friend group? Were they backstabbing me/us to others? That would be hard and would need a thorough discussion to assess our friendship. Then I look at how difficult was it for them to tell the truth. If for example it was them dealing depression and anxiety and lying about being ok, then I would be saddened that they didn't ask me for help. If they were cheating on their partner, I can understand why they wouldn't share it with me or the group. Like in a lot of relationships, I think conversation and understanding is important.
There's a lot of different elements at play in situations like this and each has it's own path forward. At the end of the day the most important person for each of us to be honest with is ourselves. You make some good points and I agree.
Becca 🌷
It hurts a lot when a lie or concealment is discovered and it hurts a lot, the reactions we can have are diverse and analysing the situation is usually useful.
The phrases that I say to your boy are real and applicable to everything. The truth is always better, even if it hurts sometimes.
I value honesty and sincerity above all, and talking to your friend was the best thing to do.
Hugs Becca💗
I think it was more that I felt she didn't feel I, and our friends group, would be open to helping her; she was probably embarrassed also. She was over-thinking it and underestimating the strength of her friendships. It's ok now though, she knows she's supported.
Becca 🌷
It's beautiful when you feel that friendship accompanying you, it's the best thing of all, the understanding and support.
Have a great weekend Becca!💗
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