There are moments in life that change it forever. I think I just had one the other week, and it was confirmed today. As I had written in another post, my daughter is currently living with me, and her mother had mentioned that she could keep living with me if she wanted to. That phrase was quite a trigger, as explained in the post.
Since I had written it, I had decided to keep on doing what I’m doing. Being the same parent as always, doing what I think is right, what I think is best for her, teaching what I think will be most useful to her in all spheres. No extra spoiling, no cutting more slack than usual, but walking the line as I always have. A bit more risky, maybe, but ,fingers crossed, the best way, my way, the coherent way.
Now, the other day we were walking to school. I’m very happy with that school and Lily is, too. She was telling me what they were going to do that day and how much she liked that school. So, apparently calm, cool and collected, I casually asked: “Would you like to go to the same school next year?” Heartbeat rising, sweat breaking, seconds as eternity. It wasn’t even seconds. Lily really was calm, cool and collected and said: “Yes.”
That feeling. That huge stone falling off. That immense relief. It was beautiful. Better than any drug. More expensive, though 😅
Today, I talked with her mom. Usually, those talks are very complicated, I have to keep my cool and I’m quite anxious before them. Today it was only the anxiety. After 15 minutes, we were done. Lily will go on a long summer vacation with her mom, travelling South America, I’ll do the permit for that (in Ecuador it’s required to authorize the other parent for it). Then she’ll come back to live with me again, go to school, and her mom will visit as often as she can. For Christmas, her mom will give us the authorization to fly to Germany to spend a first and probably last Christmas together with all my close family.
There’s always the possibility of the mom changing her mind, and will always be. And laws here are so pro-mother that she just can do what she wants – but Lily is 6 years old now, almost 7, and oh boy does she know what she wants and how to fight for it. The older she gets, the safer it becomes.
Now I can plan. I can prepare myself for what’s coming. Review my budgets – time, energy, money – and prioritize the according expenses. Being able to plan is having some control. And it feels good to finally have some control again. I had arranged myself with being powerless in many ways, and it was okay, but it still feels better like this.
No conclusion today. No questions. Just me being so happy and wanting to share that. It's just a freaking awesome day. And yes, AZ, if you're reading this, I know, "keep it to one post a day" - but this is extraordinary, I hope you forgive me 😝
100% liquid curation rewards, paid out daily to our delegators.
I liked the paragraph about you being the same parent as you've always been, which seems to be a good one. Parents are human and are imperfect as with all humans; they can only do the best they know how to and hope that if they make mistakes with their children they are not too large and that the children are understanding later in life.
It was a hard decision to make. I've suffered so much being separated by 16 bus hours from her, that the prospect of going back to something like that was really weighing on me. The first reaction was to make her life as pleasant as possible, but that's spoiling, not parenting. But with all the trauma in my back-head, it was not easy to ignore the voice. That whole argument is in the first post that I mention and linked in the beginning.
It wasn't easy to be somewhat stoic in this, but it worked out, and I'm all the more relieved for it. You're absolutely right, we are imperfect and will create imperfect little humans. One thing I always do is writing down all the things that might cause problems for Lily in the long run, so she will now what to talk about in therapy 😅
Thank you for your comment!
I think you're on the right track and she's in good hands.
Congratulations @beelzael! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next payout target is 4000 HP.
The unit is Hive Power equivalent because post and comment rewards can be split into HP and HBD
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP