I've always wanted to try meds, but I was a bit worried it would change who I am. I think by this time I have learned to manage myself pretty well that I am not sure meds would be the best move. I'm not opposed to it, but my wife seems to think I am doing okay, and she is the one that really matters.
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I get your reservations. There are alot of reports from people who’ve said they feel they didn’t feel like themselves on meds, and that was one ‘side-effect’ I would have no tolerance for either. (Thankfully, the only side effect I’ve noticed is a bit of dry mouth *on days when haven’t drank as much water as usual.)
Of course, every body is different and will react differently to different substances. I liked the idea that you see results quick with the stimulants - versus with drugs like anti-depressants that need to be taken for a month before seeing results - and there are only a small handful, so could bang ‘em out real fast to determine what might work or not. Of all I read, I had the sense Vyvanse would work best for me (and the doc said it typically is the best if a person tolerates it well), and have kinda been surprised how well it does. Still sticking at a low dose of 30mg, which is usually the recommended starting point for adults, and honestly haven’t had any downsides; I thought it was gonna be some hardcore shit, but find it even milder than coffee. Will probably increase dosage at some point, but am done or back down the moment I feel it ‘changes me.’
(Unless considering the context of it as a tool to be used constructively, where it is not changing me so much as I am using it to consciously change habits & patterns,* building up new neural networks - similar to a crutch during physio, then setting aside once it’s purpose has been served to help facilitate that growth. But I’m really not sure yet - that could be the case, or it might be the case of the “glasses” metaphor where upsides far outweigh any downsides to continue with, so long as a tolerance isn’t built and the body still feels it is correct.)
One thing that jumped out upon rereading your comment: “my wife seems to think I am doing okay, and she is the one that really matters…”
Though, your experience matters too, bro.
A supportive wife is fantastic - and of course a good one will always cheerlead wherever you’re at (so long as it’s not seriously slacking). Though she still not may be able to fully know exactly what your experience is like; and as much as she matters, you wouldn’t be doing either of you favours by prioritizing her opinion (which may be positively biased as a supportive cheerleader) over an honest self-assessment of where you truly feel you’re at. Ultimately, you are the one who has to have the authority to say really gauge whether you are “doing okay” - and your experience of that matters first and foremost (so you can show upon your own life feeling the best you can be, and then show up for her the best you can.)
I hope that didn’t come across as too ‘preachy’ - didn’t quite know the best way to put into words the concept intended, or how to do it proper justice, but feel it’s a very important one. it might be natural to prioritize our women, though is a slippery slope to subtle yet significant imbalances (with consequences) when not making sure we’re being 100% true to ourselves about making sure we are giving equal if not greater emphasis to our own Truth of how we are doing and what we need. Yada, yada, yada. 👊
No, I get what you are saying. My wife is a mental health professional, so while she may not know exactly what my experience is like, she definitely knows my struggles. Each day she deals with at least fifty kids just like I would have been back at that age. She has always been supportive of me wanting to go on meds. If I said lets do it should would be on board for sure.