sometimes I consider some illogical decisions that can change my future again as well.
Every decision does, logical or not, conscious or not. When you realize it's illogical then you may be on the right track to listen to your subconsciousness. Then it is time to step back, but I know all too well how hard this is when being in an emotional state of mind. Emotions are rarely a good adviser for rational decisions.
But I also know how much pressure there is on a lot of people these days. To make decisions that are not ones they choose on. You choose between bad and worse kinda, especially in your situation. Options are limited, especially these days.
But with time things will fall into place, it's a time for many to get by day by day.