Yeah dude it’s a tale as old as time - what do we do when there are radical changes and things that have been done a specific way for hundreds or thousands of years, changes? Brutal question but I think it’s one we should noodle on every so often for a good mental exercise!
I think it also helps to think of it because then we can figure out: where do I derive value? Where do I identify myself?
A lot of times identity and value come from the work that we do. I’m incredibly proud of the work I do and I think it would be difficult to think of it a different way. Not impossible but difficult.
Money goes away - what else do I derive identity and value from? Work would be largely meaningless. Of course my son but that’s not going to fill all the gaps. Decent thoughts to chew on!
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I fully appreciate your altered states of consciousness in those moments! There’s so much to be said about that and I think for sure the wolf is symbolic in some ways. I don’t know what for but there’s so many aspects of the brain and how it works that we have absolutely no idea, and when we are very sick that’s one of the big ones!
Indeed in those moments, the whole money thing is largely useless to our worldly body. The only thing it’s good for at that point is a tool to help the family get themselves back onto their feet if we untimely pass. I am for sure glad you didn’t enter the permanent horizontal state, as is your family. Life is a fickle thing that’s for sure!